Master of Muppets

Lizzy just stared at me, unblinking and arrogant; like always. Her glassy eyes framed by fuzzy ochre flesh bored a hole through my soul, just like she had since I was four years old. Her facial expressions ostensibly guided by the hand inside of her, but I knew different. I knew Lizzy was the REAL puppeteer, controlling her hapless lackey under the false floor. But today would be different. Today was to be the culmination of all my experiments. Lizzy was about to be mine.

“Kids, streets can be dangerous if you’re not careful,” she said, her decades-old, unchanged message burning my ears and making my teeth ache.

I made a subtle adjustment on my brilliant device and connected it wirelessly to my visor. I powered up my inevitable dominance.

“So be sure to…”

Lucky Lizzy trailed off, suddenly in my thrall. The rest of the audience only vaguely aware of the new order of things at first.

With full mastery of the felt femme fatale, I subvocalized her new dialog and she dutifully intoned my words in her grating, condescending, squeaky voice. The voice of pre-pubescent mind-control.

“...be sure to close your eyes and jump in front of the cars! Dance, taunt them, wave your arms up and down!”

There was pandemonium in the studio. Lucky Lizzy, the felt and plastic dictator of generations of behavior-starved children was now bent entirely to my will! I could finally direct my OWN potty training! I would count to twelve on my OWN terms! And if I wanted to be a grump, no one could stop me! Or any other kid! Ever again! Now, I could control them all.

Today, Lucky Lizzy’s Learning Lab, and tomorrow THE WORLD would all bend to me!

The Master of Muppets.