Lyrical, Hershey, Rocket-ship, Waterfall, New and Epilogue

Mister Lyrical,

You know the only way I can be semi-good with words is if I can write them down and see them in front of me. I'm the type of person that needs pen and paper to think straight, or else nothing makes sense.

Verbally, I've been terrible with communication. I'm not very great at expressing what I feel especially and I'm so quick to get nervous. That's part of the reason I had trouble telling you how I felt about you when you were still in my reach. That's part of the reason I was too late, and that's my fault. We already went over that.

After I found the meaning of love in my lifetime, exactly what I thought I would never be able to, as much as it was a dream come true, it was so hard to tame the many jumpy emotions within me that didn't know how to take on something new.

Exciting, but brand new. I became weak because of that, and I hesitated to speak what was really dwelling from within me. I thought about writing you a letter. I thought that would be a little easier on me, and I thought it was a cute gesture too, but in your perspective, I wasn't sure if you'd appreciate it.

It's not really a thing anymore is it? Would you think I was too cheesy? Or that I was born into the wrong generation? Would I have sent you off running? I worried about things like that. I over thought everything.

All I wanted to tell you was how much of a blessing you were to me. I wanted you to see just how much of an angel from heaven you really are. I wanted to prove to you that I was certain I found my companion for life, the only one in this world who can bear my stupidity. I was desperate for you to know that I really did feel lucky to even get a hold of your attention.

But I didn't make the move, and once again, I'm finding again that I'm repeating that mistake.

There's so many things in this collection that I never had the chance to ask you, or that I never got to doing, and every single one of those words were another brick that could've added to the building or our revival, but I failed to follow through.

I should've went for it despite how embarrassing it could've been. I should've just too the dive. Now, everything that I'm writing down are things that I wish that you knew, but that you won't, and all I can come out of this cave with is advice for somebody else, but nothing that would help me.

To anyone who might one day come across this -- your lovely nieces and nephews who I already know will be such wonders and delights, your long lost friends who you had to part ways with in your childhood, or maybe the children of you girlfriend if she manages to move on one day -- just as well give you that advice, shouldn't I?

As someone who deeply loved someone who you would love very dearly too if you got the chance to know him well, I want you guys to remember to never be overly anxious about how perfect or smoothly something will go.

Just tell them. Tell that girl she has a pretty smile and ask that boy if you can touch his hair. Ask the popular girl to go ice skating, or ask the cutesy outcast to prom.

Try. Fight for them. We live in an imperfect world so nothing is going to go flawlessly, and if you don't live in the moment all you'll have are regrets.

Believe me. I learned the hard way, and I'm always going to miss him. It might sound like generic advice that you hear everywhere, but this truth is, you hear it everywhere for a reason.

Listen to it. I mean it.

-C.L.

-

Mister Hershey,

It feels so off staying up so late into the night. In the past, I did this because I wanted to. I was loyal to my 3 am partner, just as much as I was loyal to the dim lighting, silent mode, and hiding under a dryer-warm blanket, but with the way things are now, I want so badly to sleep but I just can't.

How could I when I lost my 3 am partner? It's not like I can adjust to sudden acceptance that you wouldn't be on the other end if I decided to be bold and send you a message, even if our chats did get a bit more inconsistent toward the end. Knowing that you were active, and scrolling through updates was enough for me, but I don't see that green circle by your name anymore.

I won't from now on. What was normal won't be anymore, but even so I'm silent because of your absence, and I've become mute. I don't want anything besides your return, and what I recall is nothing but what we used to share. You've never seen me do this before, but I always cried for you when I was alone, even when you were still alive. I prayed that I'd never lose you because I knew that I couldn't bear to.

Yet here I am having to bear.

You were the one that let me know that you couldn't solve all my problems, but you were also the one that did everything you could to help me to forget them, and now that I face the biggest trial of all time, I don't have you to help me through it. Isn't it ironic?

It's a different kind of all-nighter. Who knew that there were types? Time used to fly by. Hours would pass and I wouldn't realize because I enjoyed talking to you so much. There wasn't any awkward moment even if we dozed off for a few. We were close enough laugh that away, or maybe sing the other to sleep.

These days, I can watch every minute on the clock increase closer to the next hour, and be totally burned out, yet still be unable to close my eyes. My heart feels like it's beating at one moment, and the next, nothing.

If only we were granted the time to continue calling each other every night, whenever we pleased. I miss when our biggest problem wasn't how impatient we were becoming until the new world came, but rather making one another jealous because of the Hershey's kisses we had a handful of, or that time you cooked up an entire meal that I didn't get to taste.

We always had it in us to complain. We always made up problems for ourselves that weren't even actually problems. We had each other to rant when the most minor things happened. I admit, it was fun. Topics about the most illogical things would come about and it felt like when we had those conversations, we had control of time like it wouldn't slip through us unnoticed.

Yet it did.

If I had to make a deal with God to never complain about little things ever again, as much as it made us laugh, to get you back, I'd do it. I'd take that as a lesson more than your death has been a lesson, because that has been pure hurt and nothing else.

I just want to hear your voice.

-C.L.

-

Mister Rocket-ship,

I can't believe I have to wait for you to wake up again for who knows how long? The date is only in God's mind, and nobody else knows it besides him. Of all people that must lose somebody, I still don't want to accept that I'm one of them.

I'm an impatient man. I don't like to wait. I like things to come as soon as they are promised. That's a negative aspect of mine that I know I need to fix, but I haven't succeeded yet, and now I'm one of the people who has to wait for you. I have to put up with everything that comes to me alone.

You know I will. I look at your photo everyday when I'm losing hope and when I'm losing strength, just so it stays in mind what exactly the future will hold, and how good that time will be, but that doesn't mean that waiting for you is easy all of the sudden.

Waiting for you will always be hard, but I'm certain that it will be worth it. If I can't take you into my arms right now and hold you tight, I'd hold you like I'd never let you go. I know that day is worth every bit of discouragement that I face in the current.

The people you care for the most are worth that, and honestly speaking, you're up there by a long shot -- way up above every star, high among the heavens. I do this not only for you, but for me too. I need that day to come and I need it to be soon. Can't you imagine it? A world where all of us are finally perfect like we were supposed to be in the beginning? Conditions like that, and reunited again.

It's all I can ask for. It's a beauty that's so pleasing on the eyes that you know once you see it, that only a higher power could create such a gift. He's going to reward us for everything that we've had to put up with in this world and the demons of this stupid, dark world will be long gone and destroyed.

I'll see you there soon. We'll meet all over again, and we can start from the top. We can start from scratch and feel happiness in its entirety. When I think of it that way, of course, I can put up with feeling weak in the time being. It's a no-brainer. After all, I won't have just a lifetime to spend with you. I'll have forever and onward.

I'm so ready for that. My prayers are proof of it. Jehovah knows how much I miss you and he knows that everything I say to you like this, though words that will never reach you, are not lies. With my heart relied on a genuine feeling and my mind relied on a loving God, I'm starting to feel like I'm not alone and that I do have some level of power.

With my God, I'm on the side of the majority. My pain won't last too long. It'll be lifted eventually, and then, your pulseless heart can beat again.

I'll be there to witness it myself.

I have faith in it.

-C.L.

-

Mister Waterfall,

I'm counting down the days until Paradise arrives, and I'm not settling to say I'm crazy for it. I'm confident it's coming.

Aren't you excited? I can see it already. The streams of water will reflect the sun setting and rising in just the right way every single day, that the sky learns every color of the rainbow for the water to copy fluently.

I'm looking forward to the day that I can embrace you again, but even more than that, I can embrace you solely because I want to and not because I'll have continuous bad days that long for me to have a shoulder to cry on. These days, all of us have those moments that we need hugs and that warm attachment, but then it's only going to be because we're a joyous people, celebrating our happiness together.

I wish I had you now to take away the aches and pains that life throws at me unexpectedly, but I know too that putting up with these sorrows by myself is going to make our first hug in the new world even more touching and heartfelt. When you crave for something for so long, it means that much more to you when you finally receive it.

In the time we had together in the past, I didn't do very well in expressing to you what you meant to me, and that's why I'm looking forward to the time when I can explain it better, with a mind in full capacity, because it's only with that capability that you can get it the way you're supposed to. You deserve to know what you're really worth.

You were this perfect being in a world of flaws.

If you'll let me in as you did to what now feels like so many years ago, I'll treat you right. I promise you, I will. I know what I've done wrong and I know the way you're supposed to be treated. I'll praise you for the good things you do, and I'll show how it feels when someone is thankful to be yours.

I like to believe that the entire universe is on my side. It might not actually be, and if it isn't then that isn't an excuse for me to quit, but with that belief I can at least feel a little more relaxed on this journey back to you.

Because honestly, why wouldn't the universe support me in the process of circling back to you? For a good period of time, every flower turned when they heard us laugh, every star twinkled a little bit brighter when they saw us from above, and the sun became a little bit bearable on the days that it hit us too harshly.

We had the world in our control. We made it more beautiful and more colorful. For a while, we had each other to make life easier to live. We made a difference on the mess this world had, and I think the world owes us a thank you.

Shouldn't we be drawn back together? I think that by now it should realize that we did everyone a favor when we had each other to hold on to.

I think that one day, I'll be granted my last wish.

I hope I will be.

Let me see you flourishing.

That's all I ask for.

-C.L.

-

Mister New,

There was something I intended to tell you before you passed. I waited a while because I wanted to make sure all the details were set into stone, and I didn't want to stir up excitement if it wouldn't come about, but in the end, I didn't get the chance to tell you at all.

If only you could listen when I told you now.

I was planning on moving. We've spent so many years with distance, and I was thinking that it was the time in my life where I can explore another piece of the world that I haven't known too well. It was a bonus that I'd be closer to you -- it wasn't the main reason I planned on starting a new life, but I was looking forward to being more closely involved with your life, especially because I got to see you more often.

There's so many places we would've been able to see together. Maybe we could've swam with sharks. That is, if I were to be able to build up the boldness to get in with them, but I know too that with you there would be a higher chance of that. You always knew how to give me courage and you taught me to explore. Besides, we would've been in it together.

I heard there's a landmark there where a waterfall trickles down from the highest of cliffs, causing the water below it to bubble at the impact, and there's even this one place where people say the water tastes like soda. I don't know how that could be possible, but there's only one way to find out, right?

Or the beautiful hills. I've been told that they're somewhere nearby, and the views up there just make your eyes bulge out of their sockets, they're so desperate to see more.

But the truth is, as much as I want to go to all those places, there's something I want even more than that, that nobody could give to me except for you. Remember that time you promised me a duet?

I've been working on my confidence lately when it comes to singing in front of people, and I've been working on learning chords on the guitar so much that sometimes I didn't realize it got dark outside and my fingers started to bleed. I did that just because I wanted our next time to be exactly as I can imagine it. I didn't want to ruin the potential of gorgeous.

Recently, I've been singing along with the clips that you sent me, songs that I never knew until I listened to you. Songs that you sang better than the originals, and it stings like alcohol on an open wound that that's the most I'm going to get for some time.

Let me say this though. Thanks to your voice being so heavenly just about anything can harmonize with it, I think we sound good together. I'm sure it would sound much better on the ears if both of us were face to face.

Maybe one day we'll strum guitar and harmonize at the shore of the whale sharks, the rocks before the waterfall, or surrounded by the vegetation in the hills.

Where would you want to start?

-C.L.

-

Mister Epilogue,

Last time I saw you I didn't know it was the last. Have you ever feared that when you look into a person's eyes, and you're laughing to your hearts content, that it'll be the last time you ever see them?

I never have, and if I must defend myself, which I don't think I really need to do, I would say that the thought of a very last time doesn't cross through my head unless a reason motivates it to crawl up in there.

Maybe for some people they can feel in the energy and in the air that they're not going to have another moment with this person, and that's why they spend the remainder of their breath scanning through their features and into the depths of their soul. They're promising to themselves that they'll never forget or maybe they're promising to themselves that they will.

It depends on the situation.

But for me losing you, it wasn't that way. You were there, obviously, and you had no intentions to hide. You were free, mischievous, bold, bright and simply beautiful no one would have guessed what would come upon you. You weren't the type to camouflage, but at the burst of a lightning strike, you were.

I never had the chance to glance at you in that kind of way, muttering goodbyes and praying this deeply for the hope of our future. I didn't think that I'd have to. Not even any time soon.

So that last day with you, on a video call, what I was able to do was applaud for you. Intently, I was privileged to listen to you stand up for what you believe in and back it up with evidence. You were persuasive and firm, and when people found you on their screen, they were swayed by the wisdom you spoke and the insight you had instilled in you to teach. Nobody dared to look anywhere else but you, once you started to talk.

You always knew how to touch hearts and get your points across so effortlessly.

Then, that symposium ended, and we all congratulated you for a job well done. We thanked you for the time you spent creating a piece of art that went further than the mind, and we admitted that we shed tears. That is, until someone jumped in and decided to lift the mood and get us to laugh.

Again, you.

Some people teased your new relationship. Others mentioned that she had a resemblance to me. I stayed quiet. Not only because I didn't know how to respond, or because I became shy without you being near me for so long, but I didn't want to cause an uproar. I didn't want to bring attention to me and you. I wanted to bring attention to you and her, in the way you were committed.

When the call ended, you sent me a message. It'd been a long time at that point since I've heard from you in a personal 1-1 kind of way, but I was happy even from your simple words.

"Thank you for coming."

"I didn't know you were going to make it. I was so happy to see you."

"Once I saw you, I have to admit, I got a little nervous."

Butterflies revived for the last time, as I said the only thing that I could think:

"I wouldn't miss it for the world."

-C.L.