Luster

I’ve seen it before. Jordan never took it off. I’ve just never been made to feel afraid from seeing it. I always thought it’s silvery glow was like a small beam of sun light powering my universe. A ray of hope. Besides Jordan’s presence, the silver Heart shaped locket was something that always gave me reason to move. Right now, though, it is the most frightening thing I have ever seen. The red gloss that was applied to it somehow transformed Jordan’s symbol from a piece of hope to a despairingly grim spike of panic and loss.

It was our private rebellion you know. Something that kept our smiles fueled in private. Well, what privacy we had. It isn’t exactly like we had our own space with so many people in such a small area. With the rusted walls and decaying ribs of steel that supported the workhouse, I was happy to find two square feet to sit down in without touching someone other than Jordan. But that was the nature of living, wasn’t it? Finding the small victories where you can. I don’t think it was always this way. I used to be on my own and living what seems like something of a dream. The forming schools were completely different from the workhouses. If that faraway dream is my memory.

In the forming schools we had what seemed like infinite space. As much infinite space a small blanket can provide. The edges, to which, seemed miles away when I laid down to sleep at night. I have always looked at my childhood in the forming school fondly. Maybe it was the two meals a day and my very own blanket to sleep on that made it seem so great. Maybe it was because I honestly had no other experiences than the forming school. In the Body we are born into them. I never met my parents. Hell, I didn't even know what parents were until Jordan arrived. Everything we learn and experience is within strict control of the Workers Prime. They teach what to read, what to count, and even which feelings are allowed. The forming school was nothing like the workhouses. They were effortless and devoid of loss. Not like the workhouses where it was nothing but effort, pain, and weary sleep.

The continuous classes and instruction in behavior kept us busy learning how to be efficient for the Body. That was what we called the system in which we survived. Of course, I did not know I was just surviving at that time. I did know there was less opportunity to let my mind wander. I mean it wasn’t really mine to wander with, was it? With Jordan's help I was able to see it was, in fact, my mind. Then my grey motionless life suddenly exploded with energy. The smile was what did it. Mischievous and full of wander lust. That smile changed everything.

Jordan had a smile and vibration you just could not ignore. I mean up until then, I really didn’t make decisions. There was no need to. The Body made them for me. It was a strict life. So long as I didn’t disrupt the Body’s plan, life was kind of taken care of. All we had to do was stay in line, deal with the little boredom we did experience at night before sleep and prepare for the workhouse’s when we reached working age. Then that damn Jordan had to go and ruin it all. That wonderful Jordan taught me there is a price for thinking and feeling. But I price I was willing to pay at the time. Though I feel that may have been a lie now that I am here in this moment with Jordan slipping away. Meeting Jordan lifted a wieght off my mind. A weight I was unaware was even there. Losing Jordan placed a weight on my heart.

The locket was the most amazing piece of metal. Jordan said it was shaped like a heart. I think it was shaped like a V. I had no idea what a heart looked like. Apparently, it was silver and in the shape of a V. I know it was the only piece of shiny metal I have ever seen and, fittingly, it was carried by a fanciful wonderful, dreamer. In that last year of forming school Jordan taught me how to rebel with my thoughts, and eventually how to rebel with my actions. We did small things, like move small objects to break up the Body’s order and add a little chaos. You would be surprised how a pencil set askew on the desk as we leave class can bring joy to us and enrage a Worker Prime. Of course, if we went a day without finding a way to break up the monotony of the Body, we would spend our nights holding the locket and making up wild stories about it’s powers to overcome anything.

These imaginary powers were what got us through that first year of the workhouses. I could never imagine a life so terribly lived. If not for Jordan and the locket that bridged the two of us I never would have survived the first month. We woke before the sun and slept after the moon appeared. Some nights I never saw the moon. The work was painful. Bend over plant the seed, move the dirt, and grab the wood. I never knew I could lift so much. Our meals were far and few between. Nothing like the two a day we received in the forming houses

I also would not be here staring at the only hope left in my life. Stained from a brilliant silver to an iron red. The brightest most shiny piece of metal anyone has ever seen. Now filtered through Jordans blood. We were meters from freedom. Meters from what was formerly the edge of the world. The Body owns everything up to that wall. Even the shapeless thoughts of the people within it. It isn’t even a wall being only one meter high. But, the Body has built this wall up in our minds to seem enormous. In reality, a meter may as well be a kilometer if you can't invision it to be climbable. Jordan taught me to scale it with a step. As though it was not there. Though we garnered the courage to climb it, we were just slow enough for Jordan to find what ever it was the Body sent our way. I have no idea what it was. I just know it left a small hole in his chest and so much blood. I can’t believe the amount of blood that came from that hole. The locket was covered in it. So was my heart.

I grabbed the locket and ran. I ran as fast as I could until my chest wouldn’t let me anymore. I have no idea where I ran. But I know I couldn’t run anymore. I was covered in the blood of my hero and carried a locket that afforded me no powers. No powers that I could access. I laid there motionless. With no where to go and no one to ask. The only person I felt a connection to gone. The stars were amazing. The night air was amazing. The idea of being within both was amazing.

It took me two days to find a place to sit still. Never in my life have I felt so tired. Even during my first month of the workhouses. On the second night Lunar found me. No idea how. I was sitting under this pile of logs just barely holding onto conscious and the locket. The thing I know I was in a bed. Apparently, this is much better than a blanket because I slept in it for two days. Lunar was there in a chair holding the locket. The only thing I had left of Jordan. He asked my name. I responded with, “ Luster.”