Lovely

And that was “Lovely Little Liar” by Cherish Evans. As of this morning, “Lovely” will mark Cherish’s first ever Grammy nomination!

That’s a big congrats to Cherish! POP!

Wowee! Talk about heartbreak! Sounds like Lovely and Cherish’s hubby were doing a little more than just ice skating, eh, Cheesebag? Least I hope she took those skates off before they ... squeak squeak squeak

Let’s hope so, Dogman! Though maybe Djeison likes his side piece a little crazy? I know I do. Here's a little behind the scenes tidbit for all you listeners out there. Lovely, the fine young thing you hear Cherish singing about on that song, actually -

Whoops! Think you mean heartless ol’ witch, Cheese! We’ve got the lovel - sorry, GORGEOUS Cherish here this Tuesday, on WPXO - the Hits! Bark Bark Bark… Dog! And the CHEESE munch munch munch

Right, sorry, Dog. That home wreckin’ ding dong, Lovely, actually met Cherish’s husband Djeison at a pottery class where - Get this, Dog - he was making his wife an anniversary present!

That sucks the big one, Cheese! But I mean whose fault was it? I know you like ‘em with a little more junk in the trunk and a little more rack in the stack, Cheese, but even as a straight man, you gotta admit Djeison is a Grade A Choice Cut of Beef. Can anyone blame Lovely for tryna take a bite of that meatwich? hubba hubba

That’s your territory, Dog, but I’ll take your word for it. Alright I think we got a caller here. Who wants a slice of the Cheeseman today, Darlin’?

It’s Darla, Chester. Not Darlin’. But you’ll like this one.

And why’s that, DARLA?

She’s taken.

Ooooweeee, Cheese! She sounds hot already!

Well, put her on Darlin’. Don’t leave us in suspense!

…Hello?

Well, hello there, Sweet Thing. And who do I have the pleasure of speaking with?

This is… um. This is Lovely?

screech ex squeeze me? Don’t suppose you know a guy named Djeison?

Yeah. That’s… that’s why I’m calling? I’m… I’m Lovely.

Holy ding dong Cheese, I think we have THEE Lovely on the phone with us.

I do believe you’re correct, Dogman. And what can we do for you, Sweet Thing?

Please don’t call me… I want to set the record straight? I really just wanted to go ice skating. I didn’t know he… That DJ was married when… Well, I didn’t know when we -

Alright, alright. Keep your eyelashes on, we get it. So we’re supposed to believe you had absolutely NO idea he was married?

Yes? I -

Where d’you live? Sacramento? More like Saturn!

No… What? I live in HONK honk honk It doesn’t matter where I live, the truth is HONK Watch it bitch! Get the fuck out of my lane! Sorry, I -

You ok over there, Lovely? Wouldn’t want that pretty face getting in an accident, would we?

If you ARE the real Lovely, why would anyone believe you had no idea? You know how many mistresses say they had no idea the MINUTE the wife shows up?

It’s the truth. I can prove it, but I - Yes, I’m here to see Djeison Candle? This is Lovely Mora. He knows me - Ok. Yep. Yes, thank you.

Lovely? Did I just hear you… Where are you right now, Sweet Thing?

Stop fucking calling me Sweet Thing. My name is Lovely.

We got a live one here, Cheese!

Just how I like them. Full of fire and fury! When you’re done with Djeison, why don’t you head down to the studio, Sweet Thing? pant pant pant

Yeah, I don’t even bat for your team, but I wouldn’t mind a look at the woman that swiped a man from Cherish Evans Oh No She Didn’t!

Shut UP! Shut up, shut up! Do you know what that song did to me? My job, my family! I’m a fucking laughingstock!

ding dong Slow down there, Sailor Mary! Let’s try to keep it clean for the gentle ears of our listeners on WPXO - the Hits! Bark Bark Bark… Dog! And the CHEESE munch munch munch

- one more goddamn sound effect and I will come down to that fucking station and rip your fucking -

Alright. Maybe that’s enough from the not-so-lovely Lovely. Any last words, Sweet Thing?

You hang up on me and I’ll fucking kill him. You hear me. I want to say my peace. I deserve it knock knock knock Hi DJ. No, it’s fine. Can I come in? We need to talk. Does this get radio?

I - Cheese, I don’t -

Sweet Th - Lovely. Lovely, are you still there?

I’m here. DJ’s in the kitchen. I have a gun in my purse, and if you hang up on me, I swear to fucking -

Darlin’, can we get the police over to Djeison’s house?

Don’t call me Darlin’, Chester.

Jesus Christ, Darla, this is no time for -

- police, I’ll kill him before they arrive. You’re on speaker.

Did you cut me off, Darla? How dare you! Do you know who you work for? This is goddamn WPXO - the Hits! Bark Bark Bark… Dog! And -

Alright. Let’s all just try to remain calm. Lovely? Lovely, are you with Djeison right now? Can he hear what we’re saying?

…. Hi everyone. Yeah, I uh…. I can hear you. And um… Yeah, no, she… Lovely’s um… She ain’t bluffing. Babe, is that your dad’s gun? Does he know -

Shut up, DJ. Now, where’s the goddamn safety? Ah, here we go click

Djeison, are you telling us Lovely is currently threatening you with a gun?

Yeah. That’s… uh… That’s correct.

This is insane. Sweet Thing, you need to -

Maybe sit this play out, Chester. Lovely, what is it you want?

I want you to get Cherish on the phone so DJ can tell her the truth.

What? No. Lovely, this is ridiculous. Cherish -

Shut the fuck up, DJ. You told your wife I got YOU drunk after Wine Down Wednesdays. That’s the point of the class, stupid. I didn’t do anything. You told ME you were single. You asked ME back to your hotel, and -

Whoa, hold on a minute. So you guys were at a pottery class, that’s true?

Yes, DJ came with my old roommate and he -

Sorry to interrupt, Dogman. For everyone just tuning in, we have THEE Lovely from the hit single “Lovely Little Liar” by Cherish Evans on the phone right now, and she’s threatening to kill Cherish’s husband, Djeison if we don’t -

Lovely, please remain calm, we’re doing everything we can to… Darla, have we reached out to Cherish? Can we…

Yeah, I’m on hold with Cherish’s manager right now.

Everyone knows I’m married to Cherish. You’re a fucking idiot if you really thought -

Oh! If I believed the man who told me he was single? Who wasn’t wearing a wedding ring? You asked ME to go ice skating. I told you I went as a kid and you said you’d never been, and always wanted to, and -

Dave, we have Cherish on the line.

Ok great! Awesome. Lovely, Djeison? Did you hear that? We have Cherish Evans on the other line. Would you like us to patch her in?

Yes.

No fucking way! This is ridiculous. Lovely, I’m sorry you got your feelings hurt, but -

Put her fucking on.

Alright. Um… Lovely, now no matter how this goes, can I please get a promise from you that -

She isn’t gonna SHOOT someone on live radio, are you Sweet -

Chester, shut the fuck up. Sorry, Lovely. Can you… Can we please just um… Can you please put the gun down? Can we at least get you to do that?

BAM!

Jesus Christ, babe! That was a Skelomarr Tishe table! 13K. Are you out of your -

Put. Cherish. On.

You fucking dingbats! She’s going to kill me, just -

Alright! And here we have the love - the FABULOUS Cherish Evans! Cherish, are you with us?

Yeah, I’m - What’s going on? My manager said something about “Lovely”? Aren’t we talking on Tuesday? This is um… This is Dogman, right? And Cheese… man? It’s you guys, right? I’m happy to -

Yep, yep, yep. This is WPXO - the Hits! Bark Bark - Sorry about that. Yes. But no, we have… Um. Your husband is on the line with… with Lovely? From the -

Oh shit. Yeah, no… No, I get it. What’s up? Um… Lovely.

Hi. I’m… Well, I’m actually a big fan.

Oh. Um… thank you. I - Yeah, thank you.

… Not to interrupt, but, Lovely, is there something you want to clear up with Cherish?

I didn’t know DJ was married.

This is ridiculous. Cherish, Lovely seduced ME. It’s just like I told you. I never would have -

For once in your life, shut up, Djeison.

Yeah shut up, DJ. I just wanted you to know the truth, Cherish. And to clear it up… publicly? Because… Well, maybe you don’t realize, but a lot of people listen to your music, and -

Are you ding dong kidding me! Of course THEE Cherish Evans realizes -

Darla, turn Chester’s mic off.

Got it.

- and it’s really affected me that everyone now thinks I’m this big home wrecker. When that’s not the truth. I would never, ever have done that to anyone. Let alone… Well, let alone you.

I just find it hard to believe that you had no idea. I mean everyone knows me and Djeison -

No offense, but like… Who the fuck is everyone? Forgive me if I don’t read like… Celeb Dirt or whatever. My niece who’s 15 reads that shit. I don’t do social media cause it’s a time suck so, like… How the hell was I suppose to know? He told me he was single, he wasn’t wearing a wedding ring, and he said the mug was for his sister’s birthday.

Djeison doesn’t have a sister

… Djeison, is there anything you’d like to add?

This is bullshit.

Oh for fuck’s -

- such a dick.

Whatever.

Look. Lovely? I’m sorry about the song. But it’s just a song, right?

Not really. You told everyone I stole your husband and ruined your life. And guess what? Now a lot of people think I’m a home wrecking bitch who stole your husband and ruined your life. And a lot more people believe you than me. My mom called me up and gave me shit about it. My MOM.

Oh. I didn’t… Well, I guess I thought about it, but I didn’t… You know. Think about it. I just wanted to go ice skating.

click So go ice skating. Are you -

Sorry, Dogman here again. I love this. But can we just… Lovely, can we get a quick status on you and Djeison?

Ew, gross. What do you mean 'Status'? Fuck’s sake, I just told you, we’re not together. He’s gross and -

No, I mean… That click we heard. Are you…?

Oh. Yeah, no I’m not going to shoot him. He’s an asshole but at least everyone knows that now. Everyone who listens to... what? WX something? The Hits?

That’s right! WPXO - the Hits! Bark Bark Bark… Dog! And the CHEESE munch munch munch

- stop that, please? Anyway, Lovely. Yeah, I can ice skate. But what kind of loser goes by themselves? I wanted Djeison to go with me, but he said it was a chick thing.

I’m a chick. I’ll go with you, Cherish. I mean… unless that’s super fucking weird. After… ya know, after this.

Yeah, I mean it’s pretty fucking weird but… Fuck it, let’s do it. Are you on Insta?

Nah, I don’t do social media.

Ok look. Can you guys… Dog and Cheesefuck or whatever… Can you connect us directly?

Sure thing, Cherish.

Alright thanks. Um… ok well I gotta go. But it was… It was nice to meet you, Lovely. Officially.

Yeah, likewise. Alright talk to you later. Come on, get up DJ. Stop fucking crying, you’re so -

Are they off the line, Darla?

Yes. I’m just… Ok, there we go. Yeah, they’re off.

Well. That was… something. Darla, can you turn Chester’s - Can you turn Cheese back on? Sorry about that bro, I just… Wowee! Talk about wild ride! Eh, Cheesebag?

fuckyouasshole. I have to agree with you there, Dogman! That was a real turn we took there. screech ex squeeze me? But you know, everyone loves a -

Cherish canceled for Tuesday, Dave

That’s fine, that’s fine, Darla! I’m sure -

Her loss, Darlin’! Darla. I’m sure there’s plenty of sweet young - Talented artists ready to fill her slot on WPXO - the Hits! Bark Bark Bark… Dog! And the CHEESE munch munch munch

Absolutely, Cheese! But no matter what, we wish the best to Cherish Evans! Let’s get back to the music, shall we? Reminder! At the top of the hour, we’ll start Today’s Top Ten Countdown, which of course, means we’ll be hearing again from Cherish with her Hit Single... Um… “Lovely Little..." Cheese, maybe today -

But first! A quick word from our Sponsors! money money money MONEY… MONEY