Love to Kill

I hadn’t meant to kill the poor girl

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27th February, 2018:

It was midnight. Dead sharp 12 : 00. We were standing on the Greene High School’s basketball court. Just Ana and me.

“Ana, no! You can’t do this to me!”, I wailed. But the eyes looking back at me were cold and calculating. No emotion in them. And I had no idea as to what I did to make her hate me SO much. I calmed myself down before talking to her. "Ana. Just tell me if something is wrong, Ana. I can make things right. And I can set things on-", when she interrupted me. "I fell out of love, Louis. Can you fix that? Tell me, how will you fix that?", she asked. I was just standing there like a statue, jarred to the bones by what she just said. And how could I make a girl fall in love with me after she had proclaimed that she had already fallen OUT of love?

I didn't have an answer.

"LOUIS! TELL ME!", she yelled. "Ana.", I said, my voice just a quiet whisper. "What did I do to make you hate me this much?", a tear slipped down my eye. I looked up to find her crying as well. I slumped down on the basketball ground. I couldn't speak. Words wouldn't come out, how much ever I tried. As I sat there trying to regain my bearings, I saw her walking towards me slowly.

“I can’t do this anymore, Louis. It hurts too much. Goodbye.”

16th March, 2020:

Headaches were a sign that mornings arrived and that I had to face yet another day of suffering. I never really got over Ana, and the fact that I was never ready to enter the dating scene was a secret that I kept from the people around me. Heavy drinking became commonplace at my place, but I somehow retained my top spot in the academic rankings at Greene High. Ana joined Hartfeld, I did. It was a decision I took without knowing Ana's involvement in it, but after I knew about it - well, that only increased my interest to join the uni.

Well, my drinking tendencies made me exercise judgment over my decision to stay in the dorms. I didn't want to cause trouble for the ones around me and for myself, so I decided to stay at one of the condos in the neighbourhood. Lucky for me, my best friend right from middle school, Austin Fares, decided to stay with me.

Good for me, the rent gets split, I thought to myself. But I would be lying if I said that was the only reason. Austin was the only one who truly understood what I was going through. He knew how much I loved her and how much I cried and beat myself up over the fact that I couldn't give her the attention that I could've given her only if I had been more considerate of her feeelings. But Austin HATED all of my reasons. He was plain mad at Ana for dumping me. Because he couldn't see a single reason why I would be a bad boyfriend to any girl, not just her.

And I had to close my ears when the talking tilted towards Ana.

Sabrina walked down the stairs of our house, completing her makeup routine after almost an hour and a half. She was wearing a one-piece with a high cut on one side and a little low on the other. Sabrina loved sexy dresses, and of course there was a generous amount of cleavage. But Austin was not like the other run-of-the-mill jealous boyfriends out there with an inferiority complex. He was a pretty chill guy when it came to his girlfriend, I tell you. She whirled around and asked, "Hey you guys, how does this look?"

My reaction didn't change. Austin was all praise for her, though. As he complimented her to her heart's content, I sat there in the corner feeling sorry for myself. I could've gotten over her. I could've moved on. I could've found someone who valued me for who I was. I could've had a lovey-dovey relationship right now. But I had to go and fall for that little vixen and lose my heart to her.

Sabrina laughed. They chatted some more and Austin left to get his things before we locked up and left. She called out to me, it would seem. Seeing no reaction from me, the worry lines around her face became pronounced. "Louis?", she called out softly, again. "Y-yeah, Sabrina? O-of course you would look good. You could never go wrong with your sense of fashion, now can you, Sabrina?", I said. She gave me a concerned smile. “Maybe it’s time you let go, Louis. What if you try to confront her once again, and if she gives you the same reply from two years ago?”, she asked in a concerned tone. I smiled half-heartedly. "It's just that- I-I can't get closure, Sabrina. I just know that this is not how it ends. And I know that Austin will hate me for this, but I don't think I'll date another girl if it's not Ana, Sabrina.", I muttered, my voice choking up. I turned around; an involuntary action by my beer-befuddled brain; and saw Austin looking at me with a serious expression. As soon as he noticed me gazing at him with a puzzled look; he turned and ran up the stairs. I turned my attention back to the conversation going on in front of me. Sabrina said, "Louis. I don't think so. But only you can bring yourself out of this deep hole that you have dug and pushed yourself into. It's time you forget her.". I sighed. “If only I could, Sabrina. I still remember her clearer than the first time I saw Austin buck naked by accident."

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Location : The Spring Fling, Hartfeld University.

There was only one question running through my head as I sat at the bar sipping on my glass of hard Seltzer. Why did I come to this god-damned place? I know better than anyone that these kinda parties are something I left behind as my past in my high school days!

But then again, I might've been thinking that I could have met her.

Probably because of Ana.

But as far as I could see, I could only see shitty couples making out and laughing and chatting with each other like a fucking fraternity party.

They were almost like fleas at a slaughterhouse.

The star basketball captain was sitting in a corner, away from all the celebrations; holding a glass in his hands. Yeah, that was me. And from my point of view, I could clearly make out the loser John Mickle. With Ana.

MY. GIRL.

My grip tightened on the bottle, my knuckles turning white. Austin yelled, “Don’t do anything now, Louis! You’ll regret it later!” But I was beyond reasoning. I smashed the bottle against the table and ran towards them, determined to bury the broken end of the bottle into that meatball’s face. Rage overcame my senses. Austin ran after me, desperately trying to stop me with his skinny frame. I threw him aside like a rag doll, and proceeded towards the duo guided by blind anger.

A strong hand pulled me back and pushed the broken bottle out of my hands. “FROST! WHAT THE ACTUAL HECK ARE YOU DOING!”, he screamed. I turned around, adrenalin pumping. “Harry?”, I was momentarily dumbstruck. ‘What are you doing….?”, I started. “Here? Saving your sorry hide. Come with me,” he said.

I was feeling pretty stupid as I found myself at the bar with Harry. I didn’t expect anyone to stop me, save Harry. Harry McArthur, the younger brother of the legendary basketball captain, Thomas 'Tommy' McArthur, had competed with me for the captaincy of the team. He was all brawn while I was all brains. That’s why I got the captaincy. And that’s also why I least expected Harry of all people to stop me. Ana was moving around the bar stools, schmoozing with the people gathered over there. No protective Austin, nor an advising Sabrina near me. I excused myself from Harry. "I gotta go somewhere, Harry.", I said, and he raised his eyebrows. "I know where you're going, and I'd advise you against it, man. You taking it too far will only result in more heartbreak.", he said "I know what I'm doing, Harry. Do you HAVE to interfere in this too?", I asked, heated by the alcohol in me. "Whatever. Don't come here again crying.", he waved me away. I walked towards the tables where she was going rounds around the tables, schmoozing as she did. I pulled her away from the crowd. She looked surprised and annoyed and sad all at the same time. (Maybe the 'sad' part of it might be my imagination, but I digress.) "Do you have a moment?", I asked. "I have one moment. What do you want?", she asked.

“Can we speak in private?”, I asked her. She huffed. "Please.", I said.

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We were standing behind the hedges which separated the lawns from the bar.

“What do you want, Louis?”, she asked.

You. I thought. I want only you. Can you give me that?

“Listen, Ms Anastasia Taylor, what in the whole freaking world makes you think that that hulking piece of…”

Ana raised her eyebrows. I snorted sarcastically.

Not being able to talk, I raised my hands up in exasperation. That was something someone would do when frustrated, right? But in my case, all hell broke loose. A knife was pushed into my hands from nowhere. A hand slapped my closed fist with the knife in it, and my hands moved forward in one swift movement. The intense surprise dulled my senses for some time, and when the mist cleared, the knife was stained dark red. Blood red. The girl I loved, lay before me, lifeless.

No.

I had loved. (I guess old habits die hard.) I turned back to confront my unseen adversary. He was wearing a mask and jet-black t-shirt with a hoodie, and grey sweatpants. Odd fashion sense for a Spring Fling celebration.

“I told you that you would regret it, Louis Frost.”