Lost Heart

Items containing an emotional connection are considered taboo in this day and age. Many do not see the point in holding onto things for sentimental value. Considering that when one must move from place to place, it is easy for that item to be lost and create immense heartache. Sometimes, though, people get away with keeping their belongings. My caretaker told me that some items contain memories for those who hold onto them. People wish to hold onto those times, she would say. When she reminded me of this, she would tap her finger against the locket around my neck. As if trying to tell me that this heart-shaped piece of jewelry contained something that I could not see nor feel. I could not understand what she meant.

For as long as my memories take me, I have been unable to feel. Not that I have lost my sense of touch, that is still there, more in the..how do they call it, emotional way? Yes, that sounds right. My caretaker says that many children like me lose something when they are born or when they are very young. It is considered a rite of passage. To be allowed a place in society, it is important to give something in return. An equivalent exchange, as the elders call it. Saying that in a time before, endless war would rain down upon the world. Many of the older cities were reduced to craters in the Earth by powerful bombs. My city is one of few lucky survivors that had been left alone. I was told that we are given something after the process, but we are never told what it is until we reach a certain age. I can not recall the exact number, but my caretaker noted it to be somewhere around twenty-one years of age or when we are to leave our caretaker’s living quarters to seek out our own individual space. I, at the ripe age of seventeen, still have a few years left before I may seek my own asylum. For now, I may dream of that day.

“You seem lost in thought, young one. Are you alright?” My caretaker asks in her tone of concern. Why be concerned? I was just thinking.

“I can assure you that I am fine. Did I look in pain while I was thinking?” I ask, genuinely confused as to why she was concerned.

“No no, it just seemed like you had a lot of things jumping around in your head, figuratively speaking.” She answers, sounding relieved. “I was hoping it was not about the incident at the university.”

Ah, yes, the university incident. Like I had noted before, we all lose something when we are young, and we are told to never pursue getting what we may have lost back, as that breaks the contract we made with society at birth. However, a group of students at a local university were caught regaining what they lost, many were in their junior or senior year. The city government was informed of their illegal acts and chose to take action. I can never understand why they chose to pursue what they lost. Were they not aware of the consequences? Did they think they could get away with such an act without getting caught by someone? Questions that will most likely be unanswered.

“No, it was not. Just thinking of the locket is all.” I reply to further ease the tension visible in my caretaker’s shoulders.

“Ah, I see. Well, you still have quite some time before I can tell you about that.”

“I am aware.”

“Good, good...”

She leaves me in peace after trailing off. Glancing at the hologram clock on the nearby table, I assume she left to prepare lunch.

I return to looking out the window, watching and hearing the rain create a steady rhythm against the roof. I find it soothing, the perfect weather for deep thinking. Glancing briefly down at the locket around my neck.

If I were to learn of this locket’s truth, would I too, want to pursue regaining what I lost?

That question remains unanswered, for now.