Losing Track

Prologue:

As the train sped backwards, her belly shrank in size. Her shirt hanging loose and baggy. She had to jump now or risk never seeing him again. The darkness before her gave no sign of where she would land. The frigid air slapped her in the face and she shivered in her shorts and tank top. But finger by finger...she let go.

*****

Pain ruptured on her face and she cried out, her tears streaming down, mixing with blood. She couldn't move. No one was coming to help. Her attackers held her down and her body jerked back and forth.

She sat up quickly, arms flailing out and a cry on her lips. But, it was just a dream. Three years and she still had nightmares. The relief at realizing that she wasn't back in that stank alley was short lived.

"What the...Where am I?" She started breathing in short gasps, head whipping around her.

There was a rhythmic clanking, coming and going, coming and going, and almost drowning out the soft sound of shuffling feet before they were gone. A small sliding door was on one wall with a curtained window and a small table on the opposite wall, only a few strides away. She was on a small bottom bunk, across from another set of bunk beds.

She started looking around frantically. "Jack?" Standing up and getting on her tip toes, she looked at the top bunk above her. There lay a small boy with dark hair, curled up and holding onto a stuffed green dinosaur. His little lips pouted out, breathing evenly.

Putting her hand to her chest she took a step back and breathed in a deep shaky breath, closing her eyes. She peeked through the black curtains on the window, but it was pitch black.

She went to the door and slowly opened it to a long narrow hallway with doors on one side and windows on the opposite side. Black windows that were more like dark mirrors.

She stared at her reflection. Her black hair up in a messy ponytail and her tank top and shorts crumpled. The scar on her face ran from her mouth to her ear.

How are we on a train?

She hurried to the door to the left of them and knocked quietly. "Hello?" she whispered. "Is anyone in there?" She opened the door a crack, but there wasn't anyone there. Five doors later and she still hadn't found anyone.

"Mommy?" she faintly heard. She ran back to their cabin.

"Hey, little man". She smiled and put her arms up for him. "Let's get you down from there, yeah?"

"Where we at Mommy?"

"Well...umm...we're on a train." His sleepy eyes lit up and his little mouth opened up in surprise.

"Let's go look around ok?" He nodded enthusiastically, hugging his green dinosaur.

She opened doors as she went by, checking for other passengers but only finding empty rooms and more questions. They came to the dining car, filled with booths and tables. She walked up to the door marked "Personnel Only" and peeked inside.

"Hello ma'am. May I help you?"

"Oh thank goodness! I haven't been able to find anyone! Can you tell me where this train is going?"

"You don't know? " he asked, looking her over.

"No, I umm...", glancing down at Jack she said, "I was hoping you could tell me?"

"Is everything all right ma'am?" he asked, concern in his eyes, his voice lowered.

"Well...actually. I'm...I'm not really sure how we got on the train", she whispered.

"I see", he puckered his lips. "Do you know if you have a ticket?"

"No. I don't even have any luggage or anything." She put her hand in her short's pocket, showing that she didn't have anything in it and shifting Jack to the other hip to do the same with her other pocket. "Or my phone."

"Well. How about we go check in with the conductor?" he asked, smiling. "I'm John. And you are?"

"Kristin", she said, smiling politely. "And this is Jack."

"A pleasure to meet you. Follow me." He waved them after him and led them to the second to last car of the train.

John knocked and a man with a scruffy white mustache, conductor hat, dark blue vest, and trousers opened the door. He looked over his glasses at John.

John, hands held respectfully in front him said, "I'm sorry to bother you sir, but this young lady seems to be in a bit of a bind. She doesn't have a ticket and doesn't seem to recall how she came to be aboard."

The conductor looked over at her and Jack. "Is that so? Well, that is indeed a bind isn't it? Don't you worry. We can get it all sorted out when we reach our destination. Just be back here before we arrive in four hours."

Kristin looked at her watch. 12:00 pm. "Thank you. And umm...where is our destination?"

"Death Valley." And then he just grinned slightly and closed the door. Kristin looked at the closed door, her brow furrowing.

Rude.

John turned around to them. "How would Jack like to come and take a look at the first cab of the train?"

Jack clapped excitedly, "Yes!"

"Ok, Mommy has to put you down now. You are just too heavy." She massaged her back and flexed her shoulders, working out the kinks. Jack ran in front, past empty seats and black windows staring back at them.

"Momma, my feet hurt." Jack said, squirming a bit as he walked.

"No worries. We have arrived." John opened the door to the first cab with all of its switches, dials, and screens. Jack gawked and then ran right in and sat in one of the empty chairs.

The other seat was occupied by another gentleman, driving the train. He turned and smiled at Jack and started giving him the rundown on all of the cool things in the cab. And even here, the front window was black.

Kristin turned and sat down in a chair right outside of the door. She massaged her temples for a bit.

What train has windows that you can't see out of? How did we get on this train? Why don't the conductor or John seem more concerned?

Before she knew it, Jack was pulling on her arm.

"Oh!" She automatically looked at her watch, 12:20 pm. She had been deep in thought for 15 minutes while he was in the cab. She shook her head. "Sorry little man. How did you like the..." she trailed off, staring open mouthed at Jack.

Jack's pants that had been down to his ankles when he had entered the cab were now up to his knees. And his shirt buttons had popped off. His face was less rounded and he was taller.

"Momma, can I take off my shoes?" he asked.

"Sh...Sure". She watched as he sat down, dropping his dinosaur, and pulling off his shoes. He breathed a sigh of relief once they were off. His toes had been curled up inside of them. The shoes that had fit him 15 minutes ago. He stood back up.

"You've grown a foot!" She picked him up into her arms, groaning. "And gained 10 pounds."

She looked at John. "Ok, I'm not crazy. Are you seeing this?"

"Ah, yes. They grow up fast don't they?" John said smiling at her.

"Not THAT fast!" She said, eyes wide.

John just chuckled. "Feel free to adventure around the train or return to your cabin to take a proper nap. If you need me I'll be back in the dining car." And he just...walked off.

"What the f..." she glanced at Jack. "...heck."

She stared at Jack's face for a moment. "Jack, how do you feel buddy?

He shrugged and smiled at her and then wriggled down and ran off. Kristin followed close behind, not even bothering to get onto him for jumping up and down in the seats.

"Mom."

"Mom? Since when do you call me Mom?" she chuckled.

He looked at her a moment. "What's wrong with your hair?"

She reached up to touch her hair. "What?" She turned to look into the window and saw a streak of gray hair near the roots. She traced some fine lines that were now showing around her eyes and mouth. Her scar looked years older, slightly less prominent. She stared into her own fearful eyes.

"Mom, I've gotta use the bathroom."

"Ok, come on." Kristin looked away from the window and started to lead him to the nearby bathroom.

"Mom, I can go by myself." She stared after him, blinking.

Just this morning he had still been working on getting potty trained. And now he's...a foot taller and going to the bathroom on his own. I know something is happening. There's no mistaking the change in Jack. Or me. So the conductor and John are both either extremely unobservant or...they know something.

"I'm not crazy." She said to herself. She felt that helpless feeling again. Like she was being held down again with no help on the way.

"Psst...Mom!" She looked up quickly. The bathroom door was open a tiny crack.

"What it is honey? Did you need help after all?" She started walking over to the door.

"Well, kind of. I umm...I need some clothes."

"Oh, did you have an accident?"

"No!" He was upset by the question. "No...they just...don't fit anymore." He held the clothes out to her through the tiny crack in the door.

She had reached the door and where she had been looking, expecting to see his little 2 year old face, she was looking at his chest. He was completely naked and his body was...more like an 8 or 9 year old.

She gasped, her hand covering her mouth as she backed up from the door.

"Mom? What's going on? Why am I....like this?"

"I...", she shook her head. "I don't know honey. I...don't know."

"Well...umm...can you...get me something to wear?"

"Just stay in the stall. I'll be back."

She ran to the dining car, pushing through the kitchen door. She saw John standing by the sink of the shiny, clean kitchen.

"John. You have to help me. Please."

"What can I do for you?" He smiled at her.

"I don't know what's going on. Jack is...bigger." She held out Jack's clothes that she was still holding. "He can't even wear his clothes anymore!"

"Oh! We have some clothes in the lost and found over here. Let me see what we have."

John walked over with clothes and pressed them into her hands. "Here. Take these to young Jack." He grinned and nodded at her, waving her out.

A sob broke through in her hysteria that she had been holding back. "But..."

She looked at the clothes, that were a size 12. "How did you know he would need such large...?"

"Go, go", he interrupted. "I'm sure he would like some clothes", and waved her out again.

She huffed and took the clothes to Jack. He came out wearing baggy jeans and a sweater that was too big for him.

"Mom." He said, looking down at himself.

"I know honey. I know. We'll figure out what's going on." She said, rubbing his arm. She started pacing back and forth, hands on her hips.

I got through that night. I got through finding out about Jack afterwards. I got through raising him alone. I can get through this. Think. John isn't aging. He looks exactly the same. It's just me and Jack. Or...are there others?

"Come on. Let's go see if we can find anyone else on this train." She grabbed Jack's hand, pulling him along with his baggy clothes and bare feet. His green dinosaur left behind on the table.

"Hello? Is anyone here?" She yelled in the hallway, banging on doors as she went past. Jack was running behind her, sliding open doors.

"Mom!" Jack yelled behind her. She ran back to him, stopping in the doorway he was standing next to.

An old man was lying in one of the bottom bunk beds. He lay on top of the blankets in short pants and a baggy shirt. His eyes were closed, his hand lying on his chest, which was slowly rising and falling.

"Excuse me. Sir?" Kristin walked slowly towards his bed. "I'm so sorry to bother you."

He opened his eyes and turned his head towards her. "Get out."

"I just...I wanted to ask you some questions." She held her hands up in front of her. "We don't mean you any harm."

He looked into her eyes pleadingly, "Get....out. Go! Get out of this train!"

He tried to sit up, but didn't have the energy. "You have to go!" He started coughing and lay back down.

"You have to get off before it kills you", he whispered to her. His voice was barely audible, but his eyes were boring into hers with so much intensity that she took a step back.

Kristin glanced back at Jack in the doorway. The old man saw her glance and looked towards Jack. His eyes went wide.

"You have to get him off the train! Before it's too late!"

"Do you...do you know what's happening...to us?" She asked.

He nodded at her with sadness in his eyes. He looked back at Jack. "How old was he?" he asked.

"How old was he?" she asked.

"How old was he when you got on the train?"

"He...he was two." She said.

He closed his eyes. "You've been here about an hour then?" he asked.

She looked at her watch. 1:15 pm. "Yes, a little over an hour."

"When my family and I got on the train we were younger. But...the train. It ages you."

"How...how old were you when you got on the train? Where's your family?" she asked hesitantly.

"My mother and father are gone. My brother too." A tear ran down his face.

"And how old were you?" She asked again. She had to know.

"15. I was 15 years old."

A chill ran down her spine. She looked at Jack, whose eyes were confused and scared. The man looked like he could be almost 90 years old.

"And...how long ago did you get on the train?" She barely whispered the question.

He glanced at a clock on the table beside the bed. "About...12 hours."

Bile rose up in her throat. This isn't real.

"From what we could tell, we aged about six to seven years every hour. We didn't know it was happening at first." He shook his head mournfully. "We were all asleep! By the time we woke up we had already been on board 8 hours."

More tears streamed down his face and his mouth opened and closed in silent sobs.

"We woke up and mom and dad were already dead. We didn't even know it was them at first. And then we...we...saw ourselves. We were so old! My older brother...he passed away an hour ago." He sobbed.

Kristin felt tears running down her cheeks. "I am so so sorry."

She patted his wrinkled hand. It made her hand sting. A wrinkled hand that belonged to a teenager.

"Can we do anything for you?" she asked helplessly.

He just shook his head. "No. My family is gone. I'm an old man now. There's no point. I'll be gone soon too."

His grief then eased and he just closed his eyes, tears drying on his face. "I'll be gone soon. Soon."

He said it like he was impatient for it.

Kristin slowly backed out into the hallway and closed the door on the dying, wrinkled teenager.

Jack and Kristin stood in the hallway for a while, staring into space.

"Mom." Jack reached out and took her hand. "I'm scared." His voice broke at the end, but not with emotion. His voice had started cracking...because of puberty.

"I know Jack. Me too." She gave him a tight hug and they held on for what seemed like forever.

No. I won't let this happen.

"We're wasting time." Kristin suddenly said. Pulling away. "We need to find a way off of this train."

They started running towards the end of the train, to the last car. But, when they got to the second to last car they were met by the conductor. He was standing in the doorway, blocking their way.

He grinned at them as they approached. And he looked exactly the same as when they last saw him.

"Hello ma'am. I'm afraid that you're back a little early. We've still got a couple more hours before we arrive at our destination."

She looked at her watch. 1:30 pm. Jack was already looking taller, just an inch or two shorter than she was. His clothes less baggy.

"Look", she stopped in front of him. "I don't know what's going on here. I don't know how you fit into all of this craziness. But, you need to let us by right now."

He just cocked his head to the side. "I'm sorry ma'am but this car and the caboose are off limits to passengers. I'm afraid that I can't let you pass. Now, if you'll excuse me. I have some work to do."

He took one quick step back and closed the door. She could hear the door lock from the other side. He looked through the small round window in the door at them. No grin on his face this time.

"Hey!" She banged on the door, but it made no difference. He was gone.

"Mom."

"Hold on. Let me think." She paced back and forth.

"Mom. Listen to me." He grabbed her arm as she walked past, pulling her to a stop.

"When I was in the first cab with the train driver...there were some levers that he wouldn't tell me about." His eyebrows furrowed. "I...I don't know what they said on them but they had...letters?"

"Letters? You mean they had labels on them?"

"Umm...I guess so? I couldn't...I mean I can't...I don't know how to read. So...I'm not sure."

"Oh. Of course not. It's ok Jack." She rubbed her forehead. "It's a place to start right?"

So, they started towards the front cab of the train. They would run for a while and then jog. But, she would look over at Jack who was now as tall as she was and she would run faster again.

They got to the front cab of the train, but the door was closed. Jack looked through the tiny round window in the door.

"The driver isn't in there", he said. She and Jack both pulled, tugged, and pushed on the door but it wasn't opening.

"Over there on that side is the stuff he didn't really talk about." He pointed through the window to the right side of the dash.

Kristin peeked through the window and could see levers on the right side. But, she couldn't quite make out the labels. She rubbed her eyes. It was blurry.

"Great. I'm near sighted now." She groaned in frustration. "Can you remember anything about any of them?"

Jack took her place at the window again. He was now taller than her. He looked like a teenager. This made her think of the old man in the cabin.

"Come on. You can do it Jack." She bounced on her toes.

"Well, one of the levers is in a different position now. It was in the middle and now it's all of the way up. When he pushed that one up earlier I think that the train went a little faster. So..."

"Ok, that's good! Maybe if we can get in there we can stop the train!"

She looked around, trying to find something to help them open the door. She ended up having Jack take off his sweater and wrapped it around her elbow. She shoved her elbow through the little window, breaking the glass.

"Gah!" She rubbed her elbow, throwing Jack's sweater onto the ground.

Jack reached his long skinny arm through the window and was able to reach the handle to open the door.

They ran to the lever and pulled it slowly down towards the middle. And the train started slowing down.

"It's working!" They high fived.

Kristin pulled the lever down lower. The train got slower again.

Kristin tried to pull on the lever again, but it was stuck. She pulled down as hard as she could. It slammed down to the very bottom. And the handle broke off in her hand.

The train screeched, lurched, and then started going again...backwards. And fast.

Kristin held up the lever in her hand, eyes going wide. "Crap."

The train driver suddenly started yelling behind them. He was running towards the cab. Kristin held the lever up in front of her. But, he couldn't care less about them. He was frantically running towards the cab and the damage they had done.

She looked at Jack and grabbed his hand, tugging him after her, away from the cab. She snuck a quick glance at her watch. 2:00 pm.

As they ran, she noticed that Jack was lagging. She turned back to check on him and stopped in her tracks. He ran right into her.

"Jack!" she said. "You're....younger!"

His pants were much bigger and he was having to hold them up with one hand while running.

"Yeah, I was trying so hard not to faceplant, I didn't say anything." He looked down at himself and smiled. "Your gray hair is starting to go away too."

Kristin smiled back and picked him up in a hug.

"Come on. Let's see if we can still find a way off of this train." She kissed his head.

They started running towards the dining car, hoping to find a way out on the way.

"Mom, wait!" Kristin stopped, turning around.

"What? What's wrong?" she asked, looking him over. He was shorter, but looked ok.

"What about the old man?" Jack asked, and his voice had a higher pitch.

Kristin felt shame wash through her. She had been so focused that she hadn't even thought of him.

She nodded and they went back to the cabin of the old man. When they got there she threw the door open.

"Hey!" She ran to him and shook him awake. "Hey!" He was noticeably younger as well. Still quite a bit older than his 15 years, but definitely younger. Maybe closer to 75 or 80.

His eyes flew open and immediately focused on Jack. His eyebrows crunched together.

"Is that...the same boy?"

"Yes!" Kristin smiled at him. "We went into the first cab and pulled a lever that has the train going backwards...and apparently...that makes us get younger."

He blinked at her and then put his hands up in front of his face.

"We could have saved ourselves", he said with a sad smile.

Kristin swallowed. "Look, we've got to go find a way off of this train. Did you ever find anywhere that may have been a way out?"

He shook his head and her stomach fell.

"No. But...we were never able to get into the kitchen. That's the only place we didn't get to look before we couldn't really move quickly anymore. We weren't able to try and sneak past John."

"Ok. We try the kitchen." Kristin stood up, holding her hand out for the old man.

He looked at it for a moment and then slowly took it and she helped him get up. He may not be as old as he had been, but he still wasn't very sturdy on his feet.

"I'm sorry. I never asked your name", she said to him.

"Benjamin" he said, smiling at her.

They started making their way towards the kitchen, going slower than they had been. Eventually Jack's pants were too large for him, but thankfully Benjamin had thought to grab a shirt that they were able to put on him. It came down to his knees.

They had quite a few cars to go since they had been on the complete other side of the train from the dining car. But Benjamin got more and more steady on his feet as they went, getting younger and younger.

It seemed like their aging was reversing faster and faster. She started to worry that they wouldn't make it in time...that Jack would be too young.

Kristin could tell that her own body was getting younger as well. She wasn't feeling as winded and her eyesight was clearing. She picked Jack up and walked briskly with him on her hip.

Kristin kept expecting someone to come and stop them. She jumped at every sound and kept looking behind them. But...no one came. And they kept going.

They reached the dining car and crept towards the kitchen door. Benjamin peeked in through the window and nodded. He pushed the door open slowly and waved Kristin and Jack inside.

Kristin walked slowly and carefully through the kitchen. Jack was silent on her hip. She saw a hallway to the left and started walking down it. Benjamin was following behind her, slower.

When they came to a door, she looked through the window. But, it was only an office. The next door looked like it led to a freezer.

She turned a corner and there was one last door, without a window. She walked towards it and turned the handle slowly, peeking inside. It looked like a storage room for boxed goods. She craned her head around the door more...and there it was. A window in a door that showed nothing but black. It went to the outside of the train!

She turned, smiling, but Benjamin wasn't there. She stepped back, letting the door close slightly. She looked down at Jack and was alarmed to see that he was actually smaller than when they had gotten on the train.

He was getting smaller right in front of her eyes. His legs and arms were getting shorter. His head getting smaller. His cheeks getting chubbier.

"Jack!" she whispered. "No, no, no."

The first several weeks after finding out that those men had left her pregnant swirled through her mind. She had hated the fetus growing inside of her. It was just a reminder of what had happened. Another way they had left her helpless. She had wished the fetus would just go away on its own. That something would happen to end the pregnancy.

But, as her belly had grown...her resentment had faded. And once he had been in her arms, she couldn't imagine life without him. Even if he was the product of something that was completely out of her control.

As Jack slowly became a newborn her screams got louder. Suddenly someone pulled on her arm, jerking her back. It was the conductor. He was trying to pull her away from the door.

"No!" she screamed, straining to get away.

As she grappled with one hand, she could feel Jack getting smaller and smaller in the other.

The conductor reached for the shirt that was now loosely around Jack and tried to pull it away from her. She pulled away from him, but it was pointless.

Jack...wasn't there anymore. He was...gone.

"No!!" Kristin screamed. She fell to her knees. "No!" She stared at her hands in horror.

Benjamin came barreling in out of nowhere and pushed his shoulder into the conductor, knocking him off balance. Benjamin looked to be about 65 to 70 years old. He was panting.

"Run!" he yelled at Kristin.

Kristin scrambled to her feet, but realized she was having a hard time getting back up. Her stomach...it was...huge. Her shirt was spread tight against it.

Her hands flew to her stomach.

"Jack?" she said, rubbing her hands over her belly.

Benjamin yelled at her again. "Get. Him. OFF this train!"

She met his eyes and nodded. She started waddling towards the door, but running became easier. As the train sped backwards, her stomach shrank smaller. Her shirt hanging loose and baggy again. She had to jump now or risk never seeing him again.

All of the time spent wondering about what life would have been like if that night had never happened. When her choices were taken from her. When she had been helpless.

This time…it’s my choice. I choose to keep my scar. I choose Jack. I'm NOT helpless.

Finger by finger, she let go.

And Benjamin…was right behind her.