LOML

The wedding had been called off just moments ago. I couldn't even find myself looking at you... at the way you glossed your eyes over while talking amongst all your family and close friends; almost as if you've expected them to believe I'd just broken your heart while calling off the biggest day of my young life.

If only they saw those text exchanges you shared with who I once presumed was my best friend...

So, Der, who's going to stop us from waltzing back into rekindled flames? The love between two who have always been meant to be one another... Already knowing the steps, anyway. We've embroidered all of the memories of the time while I was away, stitching together, "We were just kids, babe". Every single time, I'd just say back to you, "I don't mind... It takes time." God, Der. I really did believe that I'd be better off safe than starry-eyed. Trusting you... Trusting her... I felt aglow, like this. Never before, and never since. What happened to us, babe? What happened to what we once used to be?

If you know it in one glimpse, it's legendary. You and I go from one kiss, to getting married. Those days of planning; For our big day... Or the future that was to come. Still alive, killing time at the cemetery. Never quite buried.

There you stood today. In your suit and tie, in the nick of time. You lowdown boy. You stand up guy. Gosh, Der, you even told me that I was the love of your life. You'd tell me I was the love of your life about a million times - who's going to tell me the truth?

When you blew in with the winds of fate and told me how I reformed you... Your impressionist paintings of Heaven turned out to be fakes... Well, congratulations, Der. You took me to Hell, too. And all at once, that ink bleeds. A con man sells a fool a get-love-quick scheme. If you know it in one glimpse, it's legendary. What we thought was for all time was only momentary... Still alive, killing time at the cemetery. Still not quite buried.

You cinephile... in black and white; all those plot twists and dynamite. Mr. Steal Your Girl, then make her cry. You promised me, Der. You promised that I'd be your one and only. You told me I was the love of your life, Der. The love of your life, and you never could picture your life if I wasn't apart of it.

I saw you today, Der. Huddled in the tight space of the hotel where they kept the ice machine, you stood; with her. Your lips on hers the way they'd touch mine. Gosh, how could I have fallen for you? How could I have trusted you'd never do to me what everyone else has done? You shit talked me under the table- talking rings and talking cradles. God, I wish I could un-recall, Der, how we almost had it all. Dancing phantoms out on the terrace; watching, figuring out just why we'd invite them all here only to turn them away.

Are they second-hand embarrassed that I can't get out of bed? 'Cause something counterfeit's dead.

It was legendary.

It was momentary.

It was unnecessary.

Gosh, I should've let it all stay buried... what a valiant roar... what a bland goodbye.

The coward claimed he was a lion.

Unable to get out of bed, staring at the pillow that was supposed to hold your head, I'm combing through the braids of lies. The messages. The failure of trust. "I'll never leave." ... "Never mind."

Our field of dreams, engulfed in fire. Your arson's match your somber eyes. Gathering all those who expected to watch two lovers fall deeper in love, explaining how they could all go back home now. Probably taking the role of the helpless victim, as her arm is interlocked with yours. Telling everyone how you'd wish I could've told you how I felt before this weekend came to a start.

And I'll still see it... until I die...

You're the loss of my life.