Little Pigs

There are plenty of stories about pigs that are considered too small to make a real difference. They normally end up doing something great to get the attention that their small stature denied them. There was that one from a farm a little over a mile down the road. There, a pig named Baby avoids becoming dinner and aspires to become a sheepdog, or should I say a sheep pig. This was better than the other farm about a mile and a half in the other direction, where the pig did nothing at all. It was the spider who did all the work, but the pig became famous anyway. I have a pig story that you may not have heard before.

Meet the Littles. Don’t be fooled by their last name. There was nothing little about them at all. They were much bigger than others around them. For so-called mini pigs, they were giants. Hampton Little was the runt of the litter. He stood only 3’6 but he was an impressive 300 pounds. His bottom canines jutted upward. His deep voice was frightening enough. The piercings and the tattoos all over his chest and arms made him look even more fearsome. Guinea Little was fear-inspiring. He was 5’2 tall, 600 pounds, and had a roar instead of a grunt like most pigs. His roar could make a lion flee in terror. He had tattoos all over his face and a gold chain linking one piercing to another. The worst of the 3 was Sally Little. Standing 7 feet, and weighing over 1000 pounds, the other animals on the farm wouldn’t come near her. She had no piercings or tattoos, but they say that the ground shook when she walked. It is rumored that she once bit Farmer Joe in the leg, removing a chunk of flesh. It is a known fact that he did spend time in the hospital and that he now has a permanent scar on his leg that looks like a bite mark. However, nobody witnessed this alleged bite take place. At least nobody has come forward to admit it.

The average farm will have a dog, or dogs, to protect the animals. There was that one farm where it was the cows who protected the other animals. I would laugh at the thought of it, but that Otis turned out to be a great protector. On this farm, these 3 pigs were the protectors. Not too long ago, a fox made his way onto the farm. He had gotten close enough to the chicken coop that he could smell his dinner. When he opened the door, there was Hampton. I could go on with all of the graphic detail, I’ll just use the same words Hampton used when describing the fox. “It tastes just like chicken.” Not that any of them would admit that they know what chicken tastes like.

This family of 3 was not always this aggressive. It all started because of what happened to the family a few years ago. At the time, there were 5 of them. One day, the farmer came to the pigsty and said, “Who wants to go for a ride.” Many humans believe that dogs are the only animals that enjoy the wonderful feeling of the air blowing on their faces while moving in a fast-paced vehicle. There is no better feeling for a pig than to be in the back of an open truck. So, the 5 of them were excited. “First come, first serve.”

All of them ran to him. ‎Napoleon was the biggest and the strongest. He pushed the others out of the way and made it to the truck first. The farmer put a ramp on the back of the truck so that they could climb up themselves. ‎Napoleon ran up the ramp, stuck out his tongue, and laughed at the other pigs. “Ha Ha Haaaa. You were too slow. I got here first. None of you are…”, before he could finish, he noticed that Sally was already there. He didn’t even see her pass him up. “You were saying?”, she said.

Hampton and Guinea fought hard to be the next one on the truck. Guinea won. Bacon, being the smallest pig, sat inside the truck with Bob the dog and Farmer Joe. He wanted to stick his head out the window, but Bob was always in the way. The farmer took the pigs into a building they had never seen before. The smell of the place made them hesitate. The farmer nudged them to go inside. Sally and ‎Napoleon entered the building, the door closed behind them and the room began to fill with gas. They tried to escape but they didn’t have the strength. The others couldn’t hear their cries for help. It didn’t take too long before everything went black.

Sally was the first to wake. Napoleon never did. As her eyes opened, she witnessed the gruesome fate that awaited all of the pigs. They would be someone else's dinner. She ran out to tell the others what she had seen.

“Oh my god, oh my god”, she screamed. “Oh, My, God! Y’all wouldn’t believe what happened. What I just saw”. Her heart was beating 1000 beats a minute. “‎Napoleon was just sold at the market. They butchered him right in front of me. I was going to be next but I… Wait! Where is Bacon?”

“Oh, the farmer took him back home”, Hampton said. He was feasting on a bowl of something. Sally didn’t know what it was.

“What is that?”

“They called it roast beef. It’s great. Best thing I ever ate.”

“They didn’t give me anything”, Guinea said. “They didn’t give me anything.”

“Y’all don’t understand”, Sally continued, “They are fattening you up. Napoleon is going to be somebody’s dinner. We’re next. We’re all next. We got to escape from here.”

Back at the farm, Bacon was complaining that he had always been the pig that stayed home. “Just once”, he said, “I would like to sit in the back with the other pigs. I would like to join in with whatever it is that they are doing.”

“You’ll get your chance tonight”, said Templeton, a rat that wandered in from another farm. “I was just in the house. I heard the humans talking. Your friends are being butchered and sold for their meat. They’re getting a lot of money for them. To celebrate, you are being served for dinner tonight. I plan to get some. Hope you taste good.”

The goose overheard this conversation. Other animals confirmed this after spying on the farmer's wife. They tried to save Bacon but it was too late. Before they could gather up the troops, he had already been taken to the butcher. The goose went to find the other pigs and warn them. They got the message and they all ran back onto the truck. The farmer had arrived just in time. While Hampton and Guinea rode in silence, mourning the loss of their friend, Sally was crying the whole way back.

Farmer Joe returned home slightly upset. He had got a pretty penny for ‎Napoleon, but he would have gotten more by selling all 4. On top of that, one of the pigs jumped off the truck and bit him in the leg. The pigs lead the revolt against the humans. They could communicate verbally but taking a chuck out of someone’s leg sent the clear message that they didn’t like being eaten. Farmer Joe was taken to the hospital and from that point on, the idea of eating pork did not sound all that pleasing to him. The farm didn’t close down, it was just left to the animals. With the humans out of the picture, the pigs moved into the house.

The pigs grew stronger as they defended the farm. Everything was going well for them. They gained the respect of all the animals there. There was no fear. The biggest problem came when a single wolf found his way onto the farm. He walked up to a rabbit's nest. Being made of straw, it should have been easy to take down. He started to huff and puff and then the 3 pigs stood behind him.

“Don’t worry”, the wolf said, “I’ll eat you later. You’ll be my dinner. This is just an appetizer.”

I don’t want to go into all of the morbid details, but according to Sally, wolf tastes a lot like chicken. Not that any of them would admit that they know what chicken tastes like.

The next day, 2 coyotes strolled onto the farm. They went to where the beavers were. The beaver's home was made of sticks. Therefore, because there were 2 of them, they felt that it would be easy for them to knock it down. They began to huff and puff, and the pigs were right behind them. I’m not going to give you the gloomy details, but Guinea said that coyotes don’t taste anything like chicken. It tastes more like dog. Not that any of them would admit that they know what chicken or dog tastes like.

The very next day, a bear walked onto the farm. His sole purpose was to seek revenge on the pigs for what happened to the wolf and the coyotes. He pounded on the door and said, “Little Pigs, Little Pigs, Let me in.”

“Not by the hair of our chins”, they responded.

“Then I’ll bang and pound and knock your house down.”

The bear used all of its strength to pound on the door. The door shook and bent but didn’t move. While the bear was busy pounding on the front door, the pigs walked out of the back door. They planned to sneak up on him. However, By the time they made it to the front, the bear was no longer there. He had crashed through the window and entered the house. He smashed walls, furniture, and everything he saw. He knocked over so much stuff that he was not aware that a lot of it landed in the fireplace. The fire spread quickly trapping the bear inside. He had just tried to kill the pigs, and now he was screaming for their help.

The pig's plan was to get a new bear skin rug to put in front of the fireplace. Now, that rug was about to burn up with a possible meal along with it. Neither of them has ever tasted bear. It might have tasted like chicken. Not that any of them would admit that they know what chicken tastes like.

It was Hampton who gave in and decided to save the bear. He jumped through the window, grabbed the fire extinguisher, and began to spray a path to the bear. He picked him up and carried him to safety. Sally did CPR. The bear woke, grabbed both Sally and Hampton, and gave them the biggest bear hug he ever gave. He was crying. “You saved my life”, he said, “Nobody ever did anything nice for me before.”

Guinea still wanted his bear skin rug, but he was touched because the bear was crying. It was almost funny to him. Mostly, it was pathetic, by still somewhat funny. It turned out good for all. Now, if the pigs needed a vacation, the bear would step in as protector. Although he never got his bear skin rug, he was happy with the wolf skin rug the next time one was dumb enough to come to the farm.

Life on the farm was going well. Sally and Berry the Bear were dating. I have no idea what the kids would look like. It was very rare that any wild animal came there to cause trouble. When they did, the pigs had a new meal that tasted like chicken, whatever that tasted like. They also had a new rug to give as a gift. The biggest trouble they had was when the humans came back to reclaim the farm. But that’s another story.

More Aggressive Pigs