Little Hats

“So it comes down to headgear….” Gordo Ramos said.

“Your name means fat!” Ben Fried said.

“Shut up!”

“What were we talking about?”

“The little hats….”

“Of course. The zucchettos, the yarmulke, and the kufi.”

“All of them?” Fried asked.

“Yes.” Ramos answered. “I managed to smuggle in a zuchetto from my church. Don’t ask me how.”

“What if they switched up who was wearing them? Would God notice?” Fried asked.

“They are almost indistinguishable in certain respects. The histories of each headcovering is different but they all get the same quiet respect. No one even bothers to understand where each of them came from.”

Fried walked around the dorm room. “I’m Jewish only when it comes to race relations but my parents were atheists, too. Total anti-communist and anti-religion. Now, my question is what about the wars, the battles, that have gone on in the name of the unknown and unknowable. How do you reconcile that?”

Ramos peered up at the ceiling light.

“I would imagine the wars will still go on, little hats or not. It’s what’s under the hats that cause all of the confusion and disgusting behavior. There’s only the mind that allows such bloody acts to happen,” Fried added.

“Chrsitianity—Catholicism to be exact, —Judaism and Islam. They wear their hats and continue to embark on their carnage. Little hats or not.”

Fried exhaled. “It all has to be deemed serious or else people wouldn’t take God seriously. The Abrahamic faiths all sprung up in different forms but hold the same brutality as their stick to keep the carrot chewers in line. Little hats.”

Ramos folded his arms. “It’s like this—-imagine if the different faiths didn’t have the little hats. They would still be butchering each other left and right and without regard. They’d still be pushing people off of rooftops, shooting down opponents of the faith, and setting women on fire. All because the Bible, the Quran, and the Talmud suggested it. See, it’s all in interpretation, they should have discussed from the onset how destructive all of this would be. But—little hats.”

“It would be hilarious if not for the sea of blood that has risen in the wake of faiths that allegedly speak peace. They speak of a piece of the action. That’s the peace they mean.”

The two friends looked at each other not with disgust, but with mild admiration. Their minds reeled at the thought of faith-based discord.

“You know our backgrounds, my Catholicism and your Judaism make two thirds of the Big Three little hats, never mind the larger head coverings.” Their look seemed inspired.

Fried spoke up next. “Let’s get Jamal from the next room to come over here and we can hash all of this out. Hell, we might even make world peace in this very room.”

The ambition ran high. Ramos walked over and knocked.

“What’s up, man?” Jamal asked.

“Do you have a moment?”

Jamal Salaam looked about his room. Three girls sat on the sofa.

“Hi.”

“Hi,” they said collectively.

“Look, if y’all want to stay here, so be it. If you want to follow me, cool.” The ladies lifted from their seats.

“Names?” Ramos asked.

“Carletta.” “Sharon.” “Donna.” They each chimed.

They all found room in Ramos and Fried’s room, after both of them made some.

“What’s been cooking over here?” Carletta asked.

“Little hats,” Fried answered.

“Little what?” Donna asked. “Like, you know….”

“No, no, no, not those. We’re talking about the major religions of the world and how they each wear a tiny head covering as part of their worship.”

“Oh,” Sharon replied.

“So, ladies…your thoughts….”

“I think that it’s the mind under the head covering,” Carletta said.

“Exactly what I said!” Fried exclaimed.

“Yeah, it’s really about the way people act. How they carry themselves and not just what happens to be atop their head,” Sharon explained further.

Jamal sighed. “I think that my kufi is cool.”

“All little hats should be confined to mystics. We should let them sort each others’ differences over who can make the smallest head covering,” Ramos remarked.

“Let’s make sure we have the union of our backgrounds, that we become more aware of the fact headgear may be part of the believers, but we just wear this stuff because we don’t want to anger our parents,” Jamal mentioned.

“I concur,” Carletta replied. “Let’s see a war amongst you three.”

“Yeah let’s see a war!” Sharon shouted.

“You all fight over your religion. See whose small hat wins….” Carletta continued. “It’ll be a war of words, of course.”

The three young students peered at each other with a heightened sense of tension.

“Okay we do this and you women have to cover your heads, too. Here, use these sheets,” Fried withdrew some bedsheets from his closet and handed them to the women. The sky blue linen covered their heads.

Donna donned a hijab, while Carletta wore a mantilla, and Sharon dressed her head in a tichel.

“Alright, gentlemen. Let’s fight!”

Ramos fitted the zuchetto onto his head. Fried already wore his yarmulke.

“Why aren’t the women doing this battle over brain covers?” Fried asked.

“You should talk,” Ramos mentioned. The three made a triangle in the space. “You don’t even allow women to lead faith services.”

“Yeah, man. Will you step into tomorrow?” Jamal mentioned.

“Oh, you should talk! Your whole faith is centered around keeping women in secondary roles as well!” Ramos shot back.

“What has your culture done for women?” Jamal queried.

“Really? You’re asking? You come from a culture that stones women for not wearing specific garb!”

“I think all faiths are guilty of that!” Fried admitted.

The females looked rapt. They peered at the three men laughing and castigating with their arguments. Sharon stood.

“We should stop here. We’ve begun and this could get violent—"

“Shut up, woman!” the three men barked in unison.

“I will not,” Sharon announced and she removed her head gear. “Faiths should not be treated as tiny spats between friends. We should be fighting to eradicate mysticism by persuasion and understanding rather than a shouting match.”

Everyone removed their head coverings at that statement, slowly.

“That could have gotten ugly,” Ramos replied.

“I didn’t want to hurt you guys. I’m definitely considering the atheist way of life,” Jamal said.