Lily Among the Thorns

It was raining again, it always seems to be raining now a days. I remember the Sun and what it felt like on my face and how it earned me up on a cool morning while having my cup of coffee. That’s changed too now though, I don’t have coffee in the mornings anymore, so much has changed. I stand in the doorway of my kitchen that leads to my backyard and let my mind drift as I stare through the pear tree standing in the middle. I’ll remember that tree for the rest of my life because it reminds me of her. It seems like just yesterday that tree became significant in my life, it was just like any other day in late November. There was cold and there was already snow on the ground though that is fairly normal for Minnesota this time of year but the cold never bothered me.

I had a friend coming over, his name was Sam and he said he had someone I just had to meet. Finally Sam shows up but when I open the door it’s just him standing there and no one else. He told me his friend wanted to see the backyard and had gone around. We made small talk as we walked back through the house catching up on our week and other trivial details about our lives. I was excited to meet Sam’s friend he had never introduced me to one of his friends before; mainly because I don’t think he has many.

As we walked through the back door from my kitchen leading to the backyard I saw her for the first time. Her name was Hanna and though she was only 5’ 5” I would learn in the coming months not to call her short because of that 3/4 of an inch she was above average. She had shorter hair but it framed her face perfectly and such a bright red, I found out later she dyes like that, it could make a fire blush. She had in almost that leather leggings with short heeled boots on a leather coat half way zipped up with a black and white scarf around her neck.

She was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. All three of us sat our back and talked for hours, courtesy of the fire I had made. Sam eventually had to accept his exhaustion and made his peace making me realize they had drove separately. Well Hanna decided to stay for a bit and another four hours later and the fire dying with Hanna so exhausted she can barely speak she finally departs with numbers exchanged and plans to see each other the next day.

The next day and the ensuing months marked the birth of a very close friendship I grew to cherish quickly and though I was realizing rapidly a secret I dared not speak I knew I had to have her in my life no matter what. Three months into our friendship everything dynamically changed, there we sat at a park with a gloomy overcast sky just talking and enjoying each other’s company as always. The conversation turned serious and I began recounting very emotional times. In short order I was crying in her shoulder as she held me end as the tears subsided came the surprise of my life; I felt her hands on my face, so soft and gentle yet firm and decisive, and she turned my face towards hers and before tight could become reality we were locked in a kiss that shattered not only my world but my very existence.

My secret I had been holding onto dearly was that I had fallen madly in love with Hanna and I could tell by the passion and fire in her kiss she had fallen for me as well. As if two roaring inferno finally collided and doused with gasoline it became a raging Tempest consuming everything in its path and from that moment on all she was was mine and every part of my heart soul mind and spirit would always belong to only her forever. As things progress in our lives together we grew closer still and when the time came I just knew so one night as she sat in the dining room doing her work and was beyond stressed because of a massive project coming up it was effecting her sleep even, I had set up a little surprise.

I stood outside watching it all unfold, she was thumbing through spread sheets looking mentally drained and then she stopped dead. She sat there staring at something and I know she just found my note that said “meet under the pear tree” and she looked up through the window, saw me and smiled and got up from the table. She came out back to see two lines of burning candles leading from the back door to me under the pear tree. She slowly walked forward stunned disbelief on her face and when at last she reached me I took her in my arms and held her close and kissed her just as we had that first time, and before she could even catch her breath I dropped to one knee and pulled a ring out and asked her to marry me. She cried so hard it took almost a half hour for her to get out the word yes audibly. From that moment she was to be my wife. Unfortunately from that moment it seems I was bent on destroying everything.

It started small at first with a change in my time of voice or my inflection on a sentence but drastically grew to the point all we did was argue and I seemed I find something wrong in all she did. She started to become guarded and pulled away from me expressing how she was feeling “caged” and though, bless her heart and soul, she tried to say it was her issues from her past that was causing it I could see by the look in her eyes I was systematically destroying her soul and woods forever change the one I love. I could see it every time I would allow one of my issues to come out as an attack against her and it was quickly killing me not knowing how to keep myself from doing this time and time again to her. I knew she deserved better and could do better but I wasn’t strong enough to be the one to walk away my love for her burrowed to deep into every fiber of my being.

There was so much food we had had in our short time but by my actions that changed and more often then not every day one if not both of us would end up emotionally hurting. It was only a matter of time until the inevitable happened and while having our morning coffee she said to me, “Ray, I truly am in love with you and you are so important to me and my life. I hold you dear to my heart and treasure you and this will forever pain me but I can’t do this anymore.” And with that I watched her fade from a reality, to a skeleton, to a ghost and finally to a memory.

Thunder overhead brought me back from my reminiscing and my trip down the happiest and most painful time of my life. Hard to believe that was 20 years gone now and I stayed in this house to stay close to the memories connected to the pear tree still standing strong in the middle of my yard. Never wilting or bending just like my love for Hanna is yet still burning as bright and hot as ever and I hope she knows that when I think on her daily I think of her fondly. That she will always be my Lily Among the Thorns