Let There Be Light

Back when the world was young and was shrouded in darkness, there was Keros. Keros was god of candles and kerosine lamps and he reigned supreme. He was a ruthless ruler, lighting the darkness only to those who praised him. With his blessings one could light city streets and homes for years, while his curses would leave you shrouded in darkness. That is until his rival Ishmael, god of whale oil, would give birth to a son named Zachary. Zachary was a spry young god and full of life. There was always a pep in his step and smile on his face. He would often serve as an entertainer for the gods during lavish banquets with his party tricks of static electricity. One particular banquet Keros had been over-served drinks of tequila and challenged Ishmael to a game of UNO. Ishmael laughed at the intoxicated fool and boasted that his young son could best him in the card game given his current state. The gods erupted in laughter for Keros was quite drunk and could easily in fact be bested by a child. Keros’s pride was both wounded and insulted, so he demanded the boy challenge him to prove them wrong.

As the sun set the cards were dealt and the stage was set. Each player held their hand beneath the candle light and played the cards dealt by the Fates. It was a rigged match as Zachary’s candle secretly whispered to Keros the young gods cards. Yet it mattered not, Keros couldn’t gain a lead over the young one. Zachary led the match without giving Keros any leeway. As it stood Zachary held two cards whilst Keros had four. “UNO!” Zachary shouts as he slams down a draw two. Keros leaps at the opportunity to stack a blue draw two on top. The crowd erupts! “Debauchery!” They cry. Zachary points to the rules that clearly state stacking is not allowed in such a manner yet Keros and his lackeys will hear none of it. The arguments ensued for what seemed like days, both swearing claim that they are justified. In his fury and wrath Keros slapped the young god across the face sending sparks across the banquet hall. Zachary returned the gesture in kind and a duel was declared.

Candles danced around the battle arena and each one swayed to Keros’s movements. Zachary was smothered in darkness as the candles served Keros well and would reveal nothing to the youngster. Keros wailed on the young boy from the cover of the shadows and Zachary was helpless to stop the onslaught. Blow after blow the teen god’s body began to break and give out. Knocked down to his knees Zachary lay all but exposed and Keros wasted little time to end him. Yet it would be Keros sealing his own fate that night. With a right hook to the face Keros knocks out Zachary’s right eye. The eye sparked and frizzled with the power of 100 watts. The eye illuminated the stadium and the candles could no longer shield their light. The young god rose to his feet broken but undefeated. With all of Keros’ attacks visible at last, the limber young god was able to counter, dodge and attack the drunkard easily. With Keros begging for mercy the might of Zachary was unquestioned. Ishmael congratulated him and returned the eye to his son. Yet Zachary refused. “This can do wonders for the people on Earth father,” he says, “Look at how brightly and how long it burns.” It was the turning point of the battle and had burned longer than any candle in history. Every god in attendance was in awe. “What do you call this my son?” Ishmael says.

“The light bulb, and let it be given to every city, every country and every corner of the globe to rid this world of Keros!”

The crowd cheered as the tyrant Keros was removed from his throne and casted aside. He vowed to return and reclaim his hold on the world but legend tells us he created Bath and Bodyworks to recruit unbeknown worshippers during their candle sales.