Late Nights and Goodbyes.

It's getting pretty late. I've already drowned myself in half the bottle I snagged from dad's liquor cabinet. It's funny. Last time someone stole out of dad's liquor cabinet, I was the one saying to put it back. 'We shouldn't do this', I remember telling you. You'd just laugh. You'd laugh and laugh as you allowed for the heavy bourbon to flow down your gullet. God, you had such a wonderful laugh. I'd never thought that the day would come where I'd never hear that laugh again. Never had I thought there would ever be a day where I'd stop pleading for you to stop raiding my father's cabinet. God, Jer. Why'd you have to do what you've done?

I can't stop replaying our last date over and over again in my mind. You were so insistent on taking me out that night. You kept going on and on about how you didn't want me to look back on our date and regret how we hadn't done a single thing the whole night. I'd keep reminding you that I didn't care, but you weren't having it. You weren't having us stay in my room all night long. I guess that should've been my red flag, Jer. I'm sorry I didn't look closely at how you were trying to make that night the most perfect date. But Jer, I would've been fine. Honest. We could've stayed in my bedroom all night and it would've been the most perfect date.

You took me to the movies that night. No plans; red flag number two. You've always had plans for whenever we went to the movies. You'd plan out which film we'd see, which snacks we'd eat, and what we'd do after. Tonight? No. Nothing. We got to the box office, and you told them two tickets for the first movie you laid your eyes on when we got there. We walked up to the concession stand, and you ordered the largest popcorn with the largest drink, allowing for me to pick three different candies to split. Not thinking anything of it, I accepted. I remember thinking about how sweet my boyfriend was. I couldn't help but smile at the effort he was putting in making this night so very special. Once we got to the theater, you picked the seats that felt as if they were in the perfect middle of the whole theater; something you knew I loved, even though it made you feel iffy being in the dead center of the theater. I can't remember which film we've gone to see, Jer. No matter how many times I've thought back on this night, I cannot remember the name of the film we saw. All I could remember was thinking about how I was never going to let you go; I vowed to never let you out of my reach that night, no matter what.

Dropping me off, you made sure to walk me to my front door. You were so concerned about not making a sound; something about not wanting to wake my parents. Nothing too weird there. My dad has always made you feel uneasy. He wasn't always too fond of the idea that some other guy has taken ahold of my heart. You grabbed ahold of my cheeks in your palms, gazing into my eyes as if you've never seen anything else like it.

"Never forget about this." You said to me.

I never thought anything of it.

"I won't." I remember responding as a small giggle escaped me before you crashed your lips onto mine.

"I never wanted to hurt you." You said to me before letting your palms leave my cheeks. As you walked down the steps back towards your car, I couldn't help but smile. I never wanted this night to end. Ever.

I still remember the next morning as if it was yesterday. My parents were sitting at the kitchen table when I finally came down. My father looked of concern, while my mother looked of worry. Not thinking anything too much of it, I moved myself into the kitchen and began prepping myself a bowl of cereal.

"Ria." My mother spoke to me.

"Mom," I said without taking my eyes off my bowl, "I'm aware how late I got home last night but-"

"Ria." She said to me once more, "We don't mind how late you got home last night."

"Ria, come sit down." I remember my father saying to me. His voice sounded unsettled, yet fretful.

"What's going on?" I turned to them, bowl in hand.

"You should sit down, Ria." My mother told me, but I stayed put. Her eyes looked glazed over, almost as if it was killing her whatever she wasn't saying.

"Mom." I looked over at her, before moving to my father. "What is going on?" I asked again.

That was when the words I most feared had been spoken.

"Jeremy's mom called this morning, Ria. She wanted you to be the first to know." My mother told me.

I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe. The bowl I had been holding smashed against the floor; milk and bits of cereal flailing all over.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I let out, "What's wrong with Jeremy?"

"Ria." She came over and wrapped her arms around my torso, "She found him this morning and-"

"No." I told her, "I was just with him last night. He was fine. He has always been fine."

"Ria, do you remember that day you had found him in his room? He had all those pills and you-"

"No." I told her once more, "He had gotten better. He swore to me that he had gotten better since then. He had just had a bad week. He was getting better. He promised me."

You promised me, Jer. You promised me that you've gotten better. You promised me that you'd never leave me, Jer. We were supposed to be together forever. We were supposed to be each other's endless loves. You told me that I never had to worry about finding another; that you would always be there for me to hold, Jer. You promised me, Jer. You promised.

It was getting pretty late, now. I've already drowned myself in half the bottle I've taken from dad's liquor cabinet. One of his favorite bourbons. Remember the last time we took this one, Jer? He nearly killed us in the morning. Well, Jer. It's pretty late. I can already feel my eyelids begin to grow heavy now, Jer. Hey, Jer? If I was to see you again, don't be too mad at me. Alright? xoxo

Good night.

Ria