Late Night Stroll

I hate how the cold air bites at the exposed skin. The jacket I brought does little to stop it and yet I still trust it to provide some sort of heat. Such a stupid idea. The moon is barely breaking the night sky through the clouds, yet I can still see it up there, mocking me for how small and little I am. Must be nice being a celestial body. All you do is stay in space and float around in space for all of eternity until your big brother Sun eats you or explodes. Not a care in the world and you get the bonus point of looking at all of us suffering.

Or at least only seeing me suffer. Here I am, taking the advice of my friend to go for a walk in the woods to clear my head of everything negative and “cleanse my soul” but instead I’m jealous of something that isn’t even alive. This idea was stupid anyway. It’s the middle of Autumn, each step produces a disgusting sound as I trudge through the maze of bark, twigs, leaves, and other obtrusive items. Not only is my mood becoming even more sour, but I also ruined the new sneakers my mother bought a month ago. If this illness doesn't end me before the year my mother might. I probably should’ve told her before leaving so she would at least understand why they got like this. Then again, that would be unlike me, thinking things through. It also explains why I did it so late. Why worry everyone more than they already are.

A cough escapes me before more follow suit. Covering it with the end of my jacket, it’s easy to see the maroon color staining it even when I’m surrounded by darkness. It becomes slightly harder to breathe now, and I’m starting to stumble with every step. Luckily, if anything in my life could be lucky, a large tree seemed to take a bit of a tumble on its side, which I use in order to not end up like them. Poor tree. I’ll accompany you soon.

A smile managed to creep on my face, finding something that might understand my pain and afflictions, before pain and afflictions interrupted me producing more distasteful noises from my mouth. I spit out the remaining taste of iron from my mouth as I began my breathing exercises. My doctor recommended that I do this whenever I feel uneasy or when I have coughing fits. She is a very sweet person. She recently got married as well. The massive rock on her finger nearly blinded me when I first saw it. Pointless to give me an invitation though.

At least she knows her stuff. The breathing exercises managed to ease the pain from my chest and I’m beginning to regain my balance once more. I’ll head back to the comfort of my bed and rest. How I yearn for my bed now. Yearn. Such a word will probably define me. I will yearn for my graduation. I will yearn for my first job, however miserable it will be. I will yearn for my own wedding, hopefully, it won’t lead to a divorce. I will yearn for my own family, though it probably will be terrible if I manage to transfer my sickness to someone else. What I would yearn for the most would be my parents, and seeing them smile; seeing them be proud of what I’ve become.

“Why?” I said aloud as I wiped a tear away. “Why me?”

Soon, an owl joined my misery on the tree. A barn owl. Weird that it was in the States, though it looked very familiar. That was the reason for me moving from Mexico to the states. My father fervently believed the owl I saw was the reason for my ailment. Something about Mayan history and stuff. I truly didn’t care and frankly, thought it was a bit rude to associate this creature with disease. As it hops near me, this “death owl” was just curious rather than trying to curse me. I went to pet the owl but was interrupted by another series of coughs which I tried my best to cover. Wiping the crimson streak from my chin, I looked back to find the owl was closer to me than before, basically on my leg. I would have assumed I had flown away due to my sudden noises. At least I made a new friend.

I went back to my previous mission of petting the owl on the top of its head. It seemed to have enjoyed it, slightly opening its wings as if it were stretching them out. My smile returned to me, glad to have been of some use to the owl when I saw something protruding on the owl’s body, previously hidden underneath the large wings. I’m actually quite surprised I was able to spot it but I guess it helped since the dark protrusion was surrounded by the white sea of the owl’s feathers. It wasn’t large, quite the opposite, but like us humans with a random pebble in our shoes or a pesky itch on our back we can’t reach, the owl wasn’t having much fun with that there. As my petting carried on, I quickly pulled out what I later found out was a metal nail from the owl. The random action caught the unsuspecting owl off guard as it flew off my leg, hissing at me as it returned to the original spot on the fallen tree.

I stood up, ready to run in case the owl decided the petting meant nothing, and chose me as an enemy. The owl continued to stare at me as it rotated its body and flapped its wings a few times. I became less tense as I sat back down, sensing the owl was just shocked instead of angry. The owl hopped back over to me once more, faster than last time. I held my hand up already, ready to pat the owl once more, but I was humbled when it bit the center of my palm. I yelped at the random act as the owl flew back a few feet. I clutched my hand, making sure the skin wasn’t broken before glaring at the owl, which screeched at me as if I was the one at fault. After that, it expanded its wings and flew off in a random direction, leaving me alone once again.

“You owe me you stupid owl!” I yelled at it, though the fact that I yelled at an owl after being bitten by it made me giggle.

Though I should also follow in their footsteps and head by home as well. Only God knows what my parents would do to me if I left home in the dead of night in the freezing cold in my condition. Then again, that is why I love them so much. They are very caring, even before I was afflicted. Even my friends I made in Mexico and here in the States are so kind and caring. At the very least, I should try to hold on as long as I can for them. Who am I kidding, I don’t want to give up on myself. I don’t want to just yearn for my future, I want to make it and be in the future. I want to be surrounded by the ones I love and I want them to be proud of me. If that owl trusted me to take out that nail I should trust in myself to continue on. I feel better right now walking back home. I haven’t even coughed or felt uneasy in a while. Even if that stupid owl gave me that disease, I will show it what I’m capable of and excel at all that I can.

“I got this!” I shout as I exit the forest and return back to civilization, feeling better than I have in a long while, since the diagnosis. I’ll have to thank my friend for the advice about the forest.