Lake Juniper

The water here is just the way I like it. Never too hot and never too cold. On a Brisk Autumn morning theirs a fog that arises from this lake. A fog that some find eerie, but I find it to be quite peaceful. Leaves a damp earthy smell in your nostrils. I love this lake. This is lake Juniper. Look around. Do you see the wonderful sights? The mass amounts of trees surrounding the lake. The wildflowers growing in abundance. The smells of sweetness and earth. Dragonfly’s zipping by your face. Frogs on Lilly pads croaking away. It’s all a sight anyone would love. I have no other choice other than to love it though. This is my home now. Where I reside. Here at the bottom rotting away.

You may not like the creepy fog that arises from here but for me, it’s like little parts of me finally escaping from this watery grave. Are you wondering what happened to me that has led me to be stuck down here? Hard to find peace when fish are eating at your flesh. Maybe it is time to tell my story after all. It would be a good distraction from this munching happening on my toes.

My mother and I loved to come out here. It was always a great distraction from life’s everyday torments. Was also nice to get out of the city and get some fresh air occasionally. She always made sure we had a fun time no matter what. Even the time when a bad thunderstorm came through and the power went out in the cabin. She told me “Let’s pretend it’s the apocalypse! Go find supplies! We have to survive the night!” Our supplies ended up being just a couple of old sheets and a few candles. We laughed and laughed though as we built an anti-zombie fort in the living room. She was truly an amazing woman. Full of life and stubborn as a mule. My father left us when I was young, so she was the only parent I ever knew. All I really needed though was her. The last good memories of her were here at this lake. It’s also the place she told me she was dying. Right over there on the dock.

I cried for a long time and she just held me in her arms. Tried to cheer me up by talking about the nature that was around us and how it was just life’s plan for her. I did not understand why she wasn’t angry. How could she not be? All her life she fought and fought and then her own body decides to turn against her and take her from me! If she wasn’t going to be angry then I would be for her, and I was. I pushed all my friends away and focused just on taking care of her. Making sure the last moments she had here on Earth would be special.

I watched her slowly fade away for a year. Day by day her body getting weaker and weaker. I walked into her room one morning to get her up and help her with her breakfast. I saw the pain in her eyes. The once bright beautiful blue eyes had turned gray. She tried to smile as she grabbed my hand. It felt like someone placing an ice pack on top of my hand. She hoarsely said to me “It’s time Farah. I want you to go and live life now. Let me go.” I began to cry and laid my head on her lap. She started to very softly run her fingers through my hair. I lay there thinking about how this could not be the end. I could not let her go. Then her hand stopped stroking my hair.

I became a hermit after that. I never left the house. Had all my meals and groceries delivered to me. I did not want to live a life without my hero in it. One Autumn morning I woke up though and the pain inside my chest wasn’t as bad anymore. I felt like I could breathe for the first time in months. The guilt overtook me, and I was ashamed. I knew she would not want that for me though. I decided to plan a trip to our favorite place, lake Juniper.

I packed a weekend bag and grabbed my mother’s urn and headed out. The drive-out seemed to take forever. I started to second guess going and wondered how hard it would be to be there again after her death. I finally arrived though. As I was pulling up to my usual cabin I started to feel at ease. As if my mother was there with me wrapping her arms around me in a warm embrace. I got out of the car and took a deep breath of fresh air. Calmness took over my whole body and for the first time in a long time, I smiled.

I took out my mom’s urn and grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels and headed for the dock. I looked out onto the water and watched as the wind made ripples on the surface. I spotted a frog hopping along the bank and giggled. Hours went by and I just sat there with her ashes. I had drunk the whole bottle of Jack without even realizing it.

I decided there’s no better way to celebrate the end of grief than to get into a paddle boat and paddle out into a dark lake. Yeah, not a smart idea at all. Things get a little fuzzy about what happened around this point. One of the last things I remember is paddling away singing “I will survive” and laughing while holding the urn. The next thing I knew, well I somehow fell out of it. I don’t know how I did. I remember slowly sinking to the bottom hugging my mother’s ashes and looking up at the moon. Feeling peaceful. You would think that the water quickly filling my lungs would have alerted me that something was wrong, but I had a full bottle of liquor in me and on cloud nine.

That’s my story though. Wasn’t as eventful as you hoped? Well, I’m sorry! Life isn’t always so fruitful, is it? I suppose in a weird ironic way this isn’t so bad. My mom and I both are going to do the big ol rest in the place we both loved. With each other. If you’re wondering why I haven’t been found yet. I didn’t tell anyone I was coming here and it’s secluded. Maybe I will be found someday. Until then just going to enjoy my time here with my mom. If you ever come to lake Juniper in the Autumn and you see the fog rise above the water on a brisk morning. Think of me and remember to always cherish the special moments you have with the ones you love.