Lab Rats

Rocko, Jimmy, Cracker, Paulie, and Frankie are lab rats. They work for a large pharmaceutical corporation testing new drugs. They are between assignments and sitting on the bench, waiting for their next job. They are discussing amongst themselves the latest set of drugs they were testing.

"The drug I was testing was a new weight loss drug. It was great. I got to eat whatever I wanted and didn't gain any weight. I didn't do any exercising either, so I didn't have to get on that stupid spinning wheel." Said, Jimmy

"I was testing this new drug to increase brain function, and they thought this could help people with dementia. Unfortunately, after two months of testing, my brain did not increase in activity, so it was a failure for me." Said Paulie

"I hated my last job, as I was testing a drug for diarrhea, and I had to eat food that caused diarrhea and see if the drug worked. Well, the pill worked some of the time, but mostly it didn't, so my ass is sore from explosive diarrhea I went through the past month." Said Rocko

"I had the displeasure of testing a drug cancer patients would use during chemotherapy treatments, and it was hoped the drug would reduce the side effects of chemotherapy. So I spent the past month enduring chemotherapy treatments which were not pleasant." Said Cracker

"I hit the jackpot as I had a great time the past couple of months as I tested a new drug that would increase a male's sexual drive and stamina. I got to test the drug with those two new female rats, Stella and Elisa, and let me tell you, they were great." Says Frankie

"Oh, you lucky rat, Frankie, I saw Stella a few times, and she is one hot babe." Says Rocko

Just then, Dr. Phil Kennedy walked in carrying a tray with a dead rat with a sheet covering it.

"Who is the latest victim, Dr. Phil?" Asked Jimmy

"It is Harry, Jimmy. He was testing a new heart medication when he suddenly collapsed and died."

"Was it a heart attack?" Asked Cracker

"Taking him for an autopsy to find out for sure, but I think this was a heart attack." Said Dr. Kennedy as he walked to the next room.

"Too bad for Harry, as he was considering retiring after this latest testing set." Said Frankie

"It looks like he is retiring, retiring permanently." Laughs Paulie

"That's not funny, Paulie. That could be you next time." Says Rocko

"Hey, we all know what we signed up for when we took this gig. We all know that our life expectancy is short on this job. But we do it for the benefits, great food, a roof over our heads, and we don't have to try to survive in the wild, and sometimes we get a great gig like Frankie got this time." Says Paulie

"Yeah, but you can still show some respect for our fallen comrades." Says Rocko

Dr. Stephanie Wilson entered the room and walked toward the rats. "Hey guys, I have a new drug that needs to be tested, and I need a new volunteer."

"What is this drug for?" Asks Jimmy

"Well, Jimmy, this drug is for heartburn sufferers as it hopefully reduces or eliminates acid reflux." Says Stephanie

"I am the perfect rat for the job, Dr. Wilson, as I frequently suffer from heartburn." Says Cracker

"Good, I will sign you up for the job." Says Stephanie

"What will I have to do?" Says Cracker

"You get to eat all the food that usually causes heartburn and see how the drug works. The testing is scheduled for one month." Says Stephanie

"That sounds great. When do we get started?"

"You know the drill, Cracker. First, we must give you a complete physical before starting the testing. So come with me, and we will get that physical out of the way." Says Stephanie

"Ok, let's get going. Catch you guys later." Says Cracker as he heads out the door with Dr. Wilson.

"Looks like Cracker got himself a good gig this time." Says Rocko

"Or maybe all that greasy food Cracker is going to be eating the next month will give him a coronary like Harry." Says Jimmy

"Maybe, but at least he will go out doing something he enjoys, eating greasy food. I know I would be ok if I ended up on the slab like Harry after having all that sex with Stella and Elisa." Says Frankie

"Yes, that definitely would be the best way to go." Says Paulie