L is For

As Norah came to the end of the diary page, she realised that her hand had been hovering full of crisps in front of her face for the past few minutes, so engrossed in the diary entry the snack had never made its way to her mouth.

In a slightly comical way, Norah looked around her flat as if looking for someone to share the information she had just read with.

She felt as if she knew Margot, like she was speaking to a friend who just happened to inhabit a different timeline to her.

She was reminded of her own first date with a girl. Although that had gone just a bit differently to the one she had just read. She wanted to reach out to her, to talk to her, reassure her even that even some 100 years later, queer women were still moving just as fast with their feelings.

Norah felt her gaze being pulled to Rachel Cloud’s card once again. Here was someone she felt would appreciate what she had just read. Norah had some wonderful pals, but all of them thought she was a bit of a bore for the amount that she enjoyed reading and she didn’t think she could handle there being any sort of criticism about Margot’s story so fresh after discovering it.

She picked up her phone and dialled the number into her phone, her finger hovered over the big green call button and froze.

Nope. No way. Wasn’t happening. She didn’t need the potential drama that was going to come along with that. But. But But. She really did want to share Margot’s story with someone, especially someone that would appreciate it and might actually want to share it with the world.

And she was an adult woman, she could be purely professional. She didn’t want to be anything but and here was a perfect opportunity to do so.

Still, she wasn’t quite sure she was ready to hear Rachel’s soft sweet voice again for fear that her resolve to not flirt with her would instantly evaporate. She flipped her phone to messages and typed a short text which took at least three times longer than it should have. She added and removed the ‘x’ about five times before replacing it with a smiley face, she didn’t want to seem rude after all. She nodded proudly to herself and hit the send button before she could chicken out.

Feeling giddy, Norah flipped to her contacts and pressed ‘Ella’, it only rang twice before the very familiar drawl of her best friend’s voice came through the phone’s speaker.

‘Oh look, she lives’

The sarcasm found its target even from the other side of the city.

‘I know, I know. I’ve just been busy with the move and you know being heartbroken’

A loud scoff rang chimed in Norah’s ear.

‘You should be celebrating. No more having to put up with the dim-witted buffoon. Truly no idea what you saw in her. She had the personality of a flea. A dead flea at that.’

Norah swallowed down her usual defence of Paige, realising that she no longer had to try and convince Ella that she had misunderstood her and that her point-blank refusal to be pleasant to Paige was one of the many sticking points in their relationship.

It felt odd to leave those words unsaid, Norah almost felt a betrayal to Paige for not saying them but a memory shot across her mind of Norah sobbing on the bed while Paige packed around not saying a word, a look of irritation on her face and those feelings quickly dissipated.

‘I was just wondering if you fancied going for a walk?’

‘A walk? Now? You sure aren’t just calling me to use me as a prop in the endless saga of your post-relationship sexual exploits?’

Norah cringed, clearly, Ella was going to take a little more winning over than Norah has anticipated. Not that it wasn’t deserved, the last few times they’d hung out after the break-up Norah had only had her mind on one thing and she was sorry to say that had not been her best friend.

‘We can get ice cream, I’ll pay’ She pleaded lightly.

‘And fries’ Ella shot back.

‘Extra large ones if you like’

A huff ‘Ok fine, I’ll meet you at the park’ And then the line went dead.

Norah got herself together and cast one look at Margot’s diary debating on whether or not to bring it with her. No, she needed to just focus on her friend, besides Ella might think the whole thing was a bit twee and Norah couldn’t afford to get into a fight with her right now.

Ice creams in hand, the pair walked around the park playing their favourite game ‘Query the Queer’ in which they decided whether complete strangers were likely to be gay based on what they were wearing and how they walked. It was a game that had been created before they met, since Ella had in fact used the game to decide whether she thought Norah herself was queer and therefore worthy of being her friend.

It comforted Norah how easy it was to be around Ella, she didn’t feel truly at ease around many people. She was used to putting up a front, making sure she fulfilled the expectations of those around her. It had only taken her months of therapy to realise where the starting point of that had come from – thanks mum and dad.

But not with Ella. With Ella she could be exactly who she was. And she was scared that she’d messed that up.

After several minutes of cold-shoulder, which Norah had thought would continue for considerably longer than it did, Ella had forgiven her for being, to put it bluntly, a shit friend.

‘So, what’s been going on with you? Left anymore ladies staring mournfully at their phones waiting for you to call them back?’ Ella’s tongue flicked out to lick her caramel ice cream in a cat-like motion.

‘I’m not that bad…’ Norah began to protest and was silenced as she saw her friend’s eyebrow raise to sky high levels. ‘It’s my way of processing ok . Give me a break’.

‘Are we totally sure it isn’t a way to try and make Paige crazy jealous that you are getting so much action and not sitting at home weeping into the pillows you bought together?’

Norah’s face twisted into a look of genuine disgust and she flung her hip into Ella’s which resulted in Ella’s nose dipping into the top of her ice cream and left her with a little dot.

‘No I am not. She might have been the one to go but it was mutual’ the indignation pouring out of her voice

‘Ok. Ok.’ Ella wiped the cream of her nose with a smirk ‘Just wondering why the one person I know who has always been super into committed relationships and very much against the cycle of one night stands seems to have done a total 180’

‘People change El, it happens. It’s not that deep, I just wanted to get laid and not have any feelings involved. Can we talk about something else now?’

Irritation laced Norah’s voice and she began walking a little faster. Ella caught her by the wrist ‘Hey, I’m not making any judgements, I’m just checking you are ok you know. I’m sorry I’m such a jerk about it’.

Norah gave a slow shrug ‘No, I know, I’m just sensitive. I guess I just think everything like that is coming with a heaping of judgement – another one to thank Mum for. Anyway, that’s totally enough talking about me. I wanna hear what’s going on with you. How did the interview go? Shit. I can’t believe this is the first time I’m asking you’.

Ella’s face lit up and it was possible to see what she must have looked like as a child on Christmas morning. ‘Oh Nor, it went so well! They loved my portfolio, they even liked those old mock-up designs I did for Neil’s tool shop. They called me back the next day and offered me the job! I start next month. Sorry I didn’t tell you, I was still mad at you for ditching me at Lightbulb that night’

‘Absolutely fair’ Norah conceded ‘I am so proud of you El! I knew you’d do it, can’t wait to see your designs on every billboard ever’ she raved.

Any frostiness forgotten, the two slipped back into their old ways fast and the afternoon slipped by.

Glancing at the impending sunset, Norah leapt up from the bench they had been settled on for the past hour. ‘Fries! We need to get fries. Let’s go take them to the viewpoint spot on the west side like we’re still grimy students?’

‘Oh you sure know the way to a girl’s heart’

Armed with their comically large fries order: 2 large fries each with a hot dog cut up and sprinkled on top with cheese. They’d discovered this combination during their student years and realised that for a minimum cost and maximum taste they’d found a new hack.

‘Oh man. I forgot just how good this is’ Ella sighed contentedly, a pull of cheese stretching from the cardboard container to her mouth as she walked.

Norah moaned in agreement, spinning around in appreciation. As she did so, she collided with a dog walker who had just turned onto the path.

Wobbling, Norah managed to save the majority of her feast as some of it went flying onto the stranger ‘Oh shit, I’m so sorry’

‘Do you make a habit of crashing into people, or is it just me?’ A familiar soft voice joked.

Norah’s eyes flew up from the floor and met with those beautiful hazel pools once again.

‘Rachel’ she was aware she had whispered the name in a sort of awe-struck haze and flushed a deep shade of red.

Desperately trying to gain some footing in the situation she joked ‘Well I’m a big believer in the rule of three, so you should definitely expect me to do it at least one more time’

At that Rachel let out a light laugh ‘Ok, well I be on high alert until that next time comes you can be sure of that’

Ella looked between the two of them, a look of confusion on her face ‘Nor, any chance of an introduction here?’

‘Oh sure, sure umm Rachel, this is Ella’s she a graphic designer and illustrator and my long-suffering best friend’ Ella mock curtseyed in Rachel’s direction.

‘And this is Rachel, she is a publisher and the unfortunate repeat victim of my clumsiness’ And she makes my heart race in a way that makes me feel uncomfortable mostly because of how much I like it, she thought but did not add to the introduction.

‘Lovely to meet you Ella, do you ever do any illustration work for book covers?’ Rachel inquired picking the last of the melted cheese of her dress, another vintage-looking number and giving it to the old looking corgi that was sitting expectantly at her feet.

‘Oh straight to business, I respect that’ Ella nodded in approval ‘I used to, I just got a new job actually at a pretty big firm so I don’t think I’ll be doing as many but I guess for the right project I could make an exception’ she shrugged.

‘Perfect! Well I may be in touch in the future in that case, here’s my card in case’ she reached inside her shoulder bag and plucked another of the professional looking cards out and handed it to Ella.

Norah felt a smidge of unwarranted jealously at the thought that Rachel clearly just gave her card out to anyone and that it really had just been a professional transaction as she had originally thought it was.

Spinning on her heel so that she was facing Norah straight on, she beamed widely at her, ‘I’m actually so glad we bumped into each other, well rather you threw yourself into me – again’ she flashed a wicked grin ‘I got your message earlier...’

Ella raised her eyebrows so high that they vanished beneath her thick blunt-cut fringe.

‘And I would really love to grab a coffee and talk about what you’ve read and take a look at myself if you’d be happy for me to’ her excitement was palpable, her cheeks had taken on a slight pink tinge as she enthused and Norah had to look away for fear of giving away her own feelings.

The little corgi at her feet began to whine, boredom setting in now all the flying cheese and fries had been devoured. Reaching down to pet the dog she said ‘Right, well I better finish taking Omlet on his walk but I’ll be in touch to figure out a date. In the meantime, if you’re going to crash into me again can I request that you do so whilst holding huge amounts of cash I’d really appreciate that’. She threw a devastatingly adorable wink over her shoulder and like something from film walked off into the direction of the sunset.

‘So, when were you going to mention that little bombshell?’ Ella rounded on Norah as soon as Rachel was out of sight.

‘I literally do not know what you mean. She’s just someone who might be interested in this diary I found from like the 1920s, it’s nothing really’ Norah tried her hardest to appear nonchalant.

‘Whoa. Whoa. What? All of that sounded like an insane line from a film. Break this down for me.' Ella munched on another cheesy fry as she looked directly at Norah "I haven’t seen you blush around a woman in like five years let alone that beautiful shade of cherise you went for.’

Rolling her eyes, Norah grabbed a fry from Ella’s plate as hers lay tragically on the floor ‘I didn’t tell you about the diary because I knew you wouldn't care! I’m really interested in it and I don’t want you to come and verbally puke all the things that are wrong about it right now. I can’t take it. I’m too invested’

Ella rolled her eyes ‘Look, if you want to share it with me, I promise that I will criticise a maximum of three things. I can’t go lower than that but I swear I won’t go higher. But moving past the ancient diary, I’m more interested in Miss Swing Dress and the reaction she gave you’.

‘Really, it’s nothing. Sure, she’s crazy cute and I’m pretty sure she’s flirting with me a lot of the time but I do not want anything serious and if she might publish this diary or at least look at it, I don’t want to ruin a professional relationship by having a crappy one night hook up.’ Norah finished lamely.

‘You, Norah Lane are incorrigible’ Ella announced and abruptly sat down on the closest bench facing the sunset and looked up at her best friend through the curtain of her messy fringe ‘But I guess that’s why I love you’.

Back in her flat, Norah collapsed face first onto her bed without even taking off her jacket. She groaned into her duvet as thought about returning to work tomorrow after the days off for the move. The last thing she had the energy for was to subject herself to the pitying looks of her colleagues, who remained convinced that Norah was irrevocably heartbroken since the split with Paige despite her regularly telling them that was not the case. And even if it was, it really wasn’t the business of the people she spent her 9-5 with, well more like 9.30-5 given her inability to time keep, but the idea still stood.

She briefly considered calling in sick but realised that would just add fuel to the fire that she was deeply struggling to be a single woman in a non-committed relationship. Especially amongst the ranks of those she worked with who had all either been married or in relationships for so long they seemed to have forgotten that a person was capable of function on their own.

Her back pocket buzzed and she blindly reached behind her to grab her phone.

‘Hi Norah,

It was a pleasant surprise bumping into you earlier today, thank you for sharing your snacks. 😉.

Would you be free on Wednesday to share the diary with me? And also an ice cream sundae?

Look forward to hearing from you. Rx’

Norah’s eyes widened at the little ‘x’ at the end of the message. Maybe that was how she signed off all of her messages. It seemed like it was probably her vibe, no need to over think it.

Which of course is then what Norah proceeded to do. Replying tonight was absolutely out of the question, she did not need any encouragement in heading down the path she was desperately trying to avoid.

‘Margot, I need you’ Norah said to the empty studio as she hauled herself off the bed ‘Let me lose myself in your drama so I can avoid making my own’.

As she finished up her nightly routine, she snuggled down under the covers, the faint smell of Paige’s scent wafting up from the duvet once again and Norah hit it in frustration as if that would dispel the scent. She reached for the diary and dove once again into Margot's world.