Kill Bill

May 2020

11:29 pm

It didn’t have to be this way. I, didn’t have to be this way. But that’s ok. I can fix him and make it all better…

October 2019

I needed to make a grocery store run and found myself in the longest line ever. I popped in my earphones and as I’m strolling through Spotify, I hear a man say, “I don’t think I’m doing this right.” I ignore it. (Because why do people always want to talk to the person in the room with earphones? Just why?!)

He repeats himself, “I must not be doing this grocery shopping thing right…”

“-because looking at my cart makes you question your cart?” I finish his sentence without bothering to turn around. He starts to chuckle. (This has got to be the only grocery store pickup line I get. It’s not even a pickup line. I hear it from everyone, including, and not limited to, everyone.)

I press play on a new podcast episode.

This man taps my shoulder. I finally turn around, sizing his cart up. Frozen pizza, Mountain Dew, honey buns, Doritos, and 1 banana.

“He’s 12.” I thought to myself.

I saw his smile first. His smile made me smile. And then I looked into his eyes. And I was hooked. Lined. SUNK. It was him again. Now let’s speed this story up to get to the good parts…

Disclaimer: He has no name. He is simply he/him/his.

January 2020

I was in love with everything him. He was charming, giving, affirming, outgoing, hard working, thoughtful… and most of all, he understood and appreciated the hustle in me. We both were working a full time and part time job and had to get creative with spending maximum time together. And we did. Late night picnics, late comedy shows, late movies, late this and late that and a whole lot of Netflix and Chill.

February 2020

I remember one night after leaving my bar gig, I felt extremely tired and went home and past completely out.

Boom boom boom! BOOM BOOM BOOM! I jerk from my sleep.

“Oh shit!” I yell, looking at the clock. I slept 13 hours! I rush to start getting dressed.

“CRASH!”, I hear breaking glass. I froze and sped up in the same breath. “I have a gun and I’m calling the police!” I yell as I lock my bedroom door and rush to my gun safe.

“Dammit!” I’m struggling, tripping, and falling. (First to go in the horror movie.)

I fall into the bathroom and start to aim at the door. Shaking my hands terribly.

“It’s me!” He yells. “Are you ok!? Where are you?” He continues. He’s in the house now. I rush out of my bedroom and into his arms. Holding my .22 and taser. After a pause, he laughs, “Damn princess, I’m running to save you but I see you got this Gangsta Boo!”

“Not funny.” I finally let go and start back racing to get ready for work. “ I’m almost late for my shift. I overslept! I still need to stop at the gas station. I haven’t cleaned up. I still need to do laundry. I still need to grocery shop…”, my thoughts are just spilling.

“Gangsta it’s Sunday.” I’m not hearing anything over my toothbrush and faucet.

“Maybe we can catch up tomorrow!” I scream to him.

“Boo it’s Sunday!” He starts to sweep up the broken glass.

“Wait. What?” I grab my phone.

“Sure as shit!” I say. I’m off today. I finally exhale and go out to help clean the broken glass mess.

He boarded up my window and sent me off to a spa day. “I can’t have my Gangsta Boo out here so trigger happy. I want you to rest up today.”

When I got home that night, the window was replaced, not boarded up. My house was spotless and my laundry was folded and even put away.

“I just love him!” I yell as I opened my stocked fridge (his frozen pizzas included with my vegetables and fruits).

He very soon after quit his part time job. He said he wasn’t comfortable with me having to fend for myself and he just wanted to be more available to me. He was my knight and shinning armor. I was swooned!

March 2020.

He celebrates my birthday with the most thoughtful outings and gifts. I felt heard, understood and so very loved. Once we arrived back at my house, I noticed my back gate was left opened. I go to close it while he walks slowly behind me. I ended up walking to the back of my yard because I then noticed my water hose left in a heap. “My nephew must have stopped by.” I start walking towards him who is currently staring seriously at his phone.

“Everything ok?” I say startling him.

“Yeah everything’s good.”

We hear a strange animal sound and we both jet towards the front door, falling inside my house.

Everyone once in a while, he’ll make that animal sound but swears it wasn’t him the first time. It’s cute. It’s one of our “eww y’all are so annoying” things. But we call it our mating call.

My friends don’t care for him. But I don’t care, that they don’t care, that I care about how he cares for me. We care together and I have no care in the world. Ain’t love the best feeling!?

May 2020.

10:15 am

While I’m the shower, he rings my doorbell. I use my phone to unlock the door and let him in. This is a pleasant surprise. I finish my shower and come out looking for him and he is no where to be found. I call him and he rushes me off the phone saying, “I’m in your car. I’ll be back.” And hangs up.

“My car? Be back? Did you ask? What’s going on? Where are you?”, I flood him with questions.

“Damn, I said I’d be back! I’m pulling up now.” He hangs up.

Now I’m pacing inside, chain smoking a cigarette in my mind, and waiting on my car to pull up. He has never spoken to me this way. The shortness and anger in his tone is foreign. Gone was the soft spoken, kind-hearted man I was so in love with. I had yet to meet this version of him. I was a mix of emotions: anger, disrespect, concern, agitation…

So my car starts making its way down my street. The front end smashed in with a mailbox stuck to the windshield. Slowly. He’s shaking his head and going a smooth 6 mph.

“What the fuck!?”, I yell. And then I see two police SUVs behind him.

10:45 am

He immediately gets out of my car and starts to just throw things from his pockets to the ground in front of me.

He is a black man surrounded by 3 white cops while one starts to head towards me. I’m scared out of my mind!

“Stay right there mam!” the officer yells to me as I’ve picked up his cell phone, wallet and my car key.

“What’s going on here?” the officer asks me.

“I don’t know.” I reply looking on to the scene unfolding in the street. He is belligerent. Drunk? Since when? It’s Monday morning!

He is admitting fault. Told them he took my car. Yeah his license is suspended. Yeah he has warrants. Fuck the police…

“Do you know what he is on?” The officer asks as he continues to berate the cops.

“Fuck y’all! Y’all just want to lock me up. So do the shit then! I don’t care! This ain’t the first time! Fuck y’all!”

The officer is still in my ear with questions but I hear nothing. I pick up his now ringing cell phone.

“Bunny.” Who the fuck is Bunny? I ignore it.

“I’m calling your mom! I yell to him.” I have no clue what to do.

Bunny keeps calling. I answer. She hangs up to my voice. As I’m finding his mom’s number, Bunny sends a text. “Call me back baby I’m home now.” WTF

Things have escalated with him. Now he is on the ground in cuffs. Two more squad cars pull up in front of my house. My neighbors are all out spectating. I’m embarrassed, but not as embarrassed as what I’m seeing in his phone.

“I’m trying to call your mom but Bunny and Bae and Milf and them keep calling!” I yell to him with sarcasm dripping from my voice.

He starts yelling for someone to “Get my phone from her!”

Too late. I’ve strolled the call log. Bunny, Baby, Boo, Bae, Wifey, Milf… all calls in the last 30 minutes. Who the fuck are all these women!? I go to the text log and… I start towards my front door. Gone is the care for the black man and the police. I sit on my steps and watch him ride off with all 50-eleven police officers. My heart is crushed. Now I don’t care.

12:25 pm

I have been reading texts messages and I am enraged. I never knew this man. He was a fake. A hoe AND a pimp. I didn’t know. I didn’t know. The phone died and I was locked out. Feeling defeated and bamboozled, I just sit and start to cry. I couldn’t believe the things my eyes read.

1:37 pm

I remember the day from my backyard. My birthday. While I was in the backyard, he was at the gate with his phone! I went back to the footage to find the clip. It’s still here. The visual is blurry, and I can’t see the 4 digit code he puts in. I grabbed his phone and copied his hand motions. Feeling real confident, I unlock the phone! Nancy Drew 2.2020.

1:45 pm

He comes ringing my doorbell. How he escaped the police? I have no clue but my guess is he coughed and claimed Covid because I am still at a lost. I open the door, let him in, and close it behind him. As he walks past me, can you believe he bent down to kiss me on the cheek!? I must admit, I blacked out here.

2:17 pm

I’m sweaty and tired. There’s blood in my nails, on my shirt and all over my hallway floor. My knuckles are busted and I have on one shoe. I’m sitting in a bean bag chair across from him in my basement. He is unconscious and tied up to a chair. I’m logged in to it all: Fb, Ig, pornhub, email, bank, cashapp, MyChart, messenger… you name, I have access.

4:56pm

When he comes to, I am still strolling through his phone. Connecting dots and creating timelines. I’ve set up shop with paper, pen, highlighters and an extension cord occupied by his phone charging, a lamp, and my vape pen. I also have the floor under his chair covered in thick plastic. I have tape, a bucket, my taser, a toolbox and a bible.

“Bitch!” He hurls at me. “Let me go you crazy bitch! What the fuck is all of this?” He is squirming trying to break free. “I’m gone fuck you up!”

“Bitch?”I smile and start to walk away. “Now you’re really going to wish you had reset your password.”

To be continued…