Just Twelve

She had no control over her response now. She just sobbed and sobbed, even after all her tears were exhausted. She lay, out of breath, on the bathroom floor, one hand on the doubtful pregnancy test and the other on her chest. Her thoughts are fast now, they raced passed each other. How does she tell her parents? What would she even say? How would she even look at them? Just three weeks ago, they hosted a huge party for her as she turned twelve. The last year of youth, but more accurately for her, now that the test had two red marks.

She had been reckless. She had been a know all. She knew she had to take an account of the events that got her there. At that moment, she concluded that she would not present a fable. The truth ought to be the most modest act now. She closed her eyes and almost rolled them at the same moment, at the thought of the word modest. Both sets of parents go to the same church! She's the only daughter! Her parents loved Dylan!

A few weeks ago

He just wanted to explore what they had learned at school. Teacher Kelsey taught them that that's normal. That to touch was to learn. They had only just begun to explore and she thought Dylan was not well. They were at the school gym to throw some hoops after class. When asked, the reply was that he's okay. So they got up from the secluded corner they chose. They got on the bus toward home soon afterwards. They sat next to each other. Nobody spoke. An awkwardness hung around the atmosphere. She wondered what was Dylan's thoughts. Her thoughts on the other hand were nervousness and embarrassment - that he'd seen parts of her body, a part of her that's secret and protected. He seemed normal to her, rather arrogant, as though he had no need to speak to her. He greeted the other guys that entered the bus with elbow bumps. She looked at Dylan as though she had not known who he was.

Amanda was really fond of Dylan though. They met last year when they got seated next to each other for class. He would go over to her house to do homework. Her mom took well to the classmate but the dad was stern - not by much but he had made Dylan know that he's watched. Eventually, after about a year or so, when the bond between them never faded, they were allowed to hold hands. Both sets of parents became close as well.

After she looked at her calender, her cycle late, she googled reasons as to why that may be. Tremendously, pregnancy was always a popular pop up. She settled on a store halfway from her home and her school, and told the shopkeeper her mom wants a pregnancy test. She always had a flawless longhand. She could scrawl for hours. She would jot her thoughts, her dreams and even her errands. So when the shopkeeper paused uncomfortably long, just stuck, as he stared at her, she reached for a paper from her pocket that had '1 x pregnancy test' jotted down, as to resemble a note from a parent. The purchase had been a success but she almost broke a sweat.

As per the leaflet, she went to the bathroom the next day when she awoke. Peed on the gadget. Then a few moments later, went numb...

As Amanda settled down, she felt exhausted. All those tears took a toll on her. Just to ponder, a couple years ago she was a ten year old sweetheart. She thought about how she would look pregnant. A huge tummy to haul around. She broke out once more, the tears were almost permanant now.

Amanda made her way to her bedroom. The one she's had from the moment she could remember. She looked at the butterfly clock, the Snoopy teddy-bear on her bed, the Frozen headboard and the Moana cup on the table. She sobbed out loud "Why!?".

She wondered whether to tell Dylan or not. She wondered whether he would text her today. Recently, whenever Amanda had asked Dylan to come over to do homework, he would say he's at Roy's... or Adam's, or Scott's or Leroy's. She thought that was strange because that was not common. He doesn't hang around those boys as much, usually. She felt excluded, hurt, confused and sad. She had not confronted Dylan because she just thought that the boys bonded or found common aspects that brought them together.

She looked at the clock: quarter past three. She had not eaten yet. Amanda usually sleeps late on the weekend and therefore wakes up late too. She's been up for about three hours, tears made up most of the day so far. She heads out of her room to make herself a snack and sees a note on the table. Her mom went to the farmer's market and wrote that she would be back by four. "Great!" she thought. She had to eat then get back to her room. She opens the cupboard and sees peanut butter. She settles on that and some celery.

A few moments later, she heads to her room. She thought a shower would be a good plan. She turns the water on hot, very hot... and just stands there. Even though there's a new person, she has never felt more empty. Empty does not even come close. Hollow. Vacant. Abandoned. Such as a property that has been neglected. Even though she has a wonderful home and loved ones. What use... when you cannot consult them. She has concluded that she's not gonna confess her recently found out news. Not yet anyway. "How long can the secret be concealed?" she thought.

Amanda proceeded as normal, as usual. A young lass at school, not secure or self-aware. But days turn to weeks, and weeks turned to months.

She's gonna call the baby: Jordan.