Just Let Me Die Here (A Serialized Novel) 31

Even though Detective Singh has given me her word that I am a top priority for her, I know, in all reality, I am just another case to the police. Mine is not the only child to ever go missing for them and they are treating it as they would any other missing child case. This is, however, my only child to go missing. On top of which, the feeling that I’m being watched continues to grow. And now there is the added mystery of Tucker’s empty email, a possible affair, and our bank account. What the hell is Tucker doing?

I spend the morning planning out how I am going to run my own investigation while the police do theirs. I don’t care about being too emotionally involved. I refuse to just sit around and wait. And the fact that I am physically restricted makes me all the more antsy to be productive. My body still aches, there is a residual pain in my side when I take deep breaths, and the confining presence of my arm sling is more annoying than helpful.

After a quick stop at the convenience store where I pick up a sandwich for lunch, I head back to The Scarlett House. Ruth is overwhelmed at my reappearance and wants to know everything that has happened in the last week.

“We haven’t seen anything on the news recently. Have they found anything yet? Do they have any leads?” I told her that, sadly, I had no news for her, or the other guests, who she told me were all deeply sorry for me and were all keeping an eye out for Millie and “that awful man”. She asks if I want to stay for dinner, but I decline. The Scarlett House is no longer a pleasant escape for me.

I ask her about our reservation. She checks again, but confirms that no, we were never booked to stay at The Scarlett House before we arrived. I thank her and promise to let her know if anything happens.

“I’ll be praying for you, dear.”

So, if Tucker never made the reservation, why did he tell me he did? Had he really planned this trip so last minute that nothing but the plane tickets were set? And we each booked our own. I had miles to use. What was the rush? Why did he need to get here so quickly? And what if I had said no? Did he have a backup plan? Or was he so certain that I would just go along with what he wanted to do?

From the start, that was really how our relationship worked. I’m not saying I had been a push-over, but I would consider myself fairly easy going and quite easy to please. And Tucker’s plans tended to be things that I wanted to do as well, or could be easily swayed into believing so. For our third date, he suggested rock-climbing. “You’re athletic, you’ll be great at it,” he had said. I knew I probably wouldn’t like it. I enjoyed flying down mountains, not scaling them. But it seemed to make him happy and it was only one night, so why not? The fact that Tucker has always made so much more money than me has also led to my acquiescence to his plans. Who was I to complain when he was offering? We enjoyed trips to wine country and weekends on Mexican beaches. I really couldn’t complain, though I did still feel guilty about his always covering the majority of our expenses. He was willing to give me things and experiences that I could never afford myself. And most of the time, I loved our adventures. This one being a glaring exception.

But how long had he been planning this out? What clues had I missed? He certainly banked on my focus on and insecurities about Millie to blur my instincts in other areas. Was there anything different that was happening just a couple of months ago? Something that seemed out of the ordinary? I try to remember anything that felt different at the time, but our life has been pretty steady for a while now. The same routine day in and day out. Was something lost to me in the security of that life? A memory quickly jumps at me. Halloween.

Tucker had said that he would be home in time to go to the neighborhood Halloween party. There have been several babies born on our street this year and one of the moms decided to throw a “Babies’ First Halloween” party. I hadn’t spent any time with our neighbors or their children since Millie arrived. But I figured this would be the perfect time to do so. The hostess had delivered the invitations to each house, attached to a small pumpkin with the family name painted across the front. It was a little over the top, I thought, but I also really loved Halloween and was eager to attend. This being Millie’s first, I was ready to go big too. I had even gone out of my way to put together a family costume for us.

Tucker’s favorite movie growing up was E.T. Apparently, he watched it so much his mom had to go out and buy another copy because he wore out the first tape. He told me there were some weeks when he would watch it every day after school. So, when I was scanning through Googled pictures of family Halloween costumes and saw one with E.T characters, I knew that was the perfect way to go. I went out and got Tucker a red hoodie, so he could be Elliot. I then made a bike basket to go around the baby carrier, so that he could wear Millie in the carrier and it would look like the part in the movie where Elliot and E.T. ride the bike up into the sky. I put together a great E.T. costume for Millie and found a striped turtleneck and overalls so I could be Drew Barrymore’s character. I even had the thick pieces of yarn to tie in my pigtails. We were going to look great.

But an hour before the party, Tucker called and said he would be home late. “Very late, actually.” Something had come up at work. I wasn’t to worry, everything was fine. He just had to put in a few extra hours on this one thing. I was upset, but I understood. This frequently happened last minute with some of his clients and things just had to get done when they had to get done. It was the only way their company was going to reach its full potential. Tucker was always talking about their “full potential” and “maximum growth”. Reaching the “ultimate market” and so on. I knew that these were the steps he had to take to get there, and I wanted that for him. For us. There were just some sacrifices that had to be made. And the occasional missed party was one of them. It didn’t feel right to go to the party without him, so Millie and I stayed home. She slept and I handed out candy.

I ran into the wife of one of Tucker’s business partners the following week at the dry cleaners. When I commented about the late night at the office on Halloween, she hadn’t seemed to know at all what I was talking about. She gave me a look that I could almost read as pity before squeezing my arm gently, saying she hoped I was doing okay, and then hurrying off. I never followed up with Tucker, but now I wish I had. What had he been doing that night if he wasn’t working at the office?

More pieces are continuing to be thrown into this puzzle, but still, nothing seems to fit together. I just can’t comprehend any of the ‘whys’ that constantly buzz around in my head. Not for the first time, I think about my accident. That man on the mountain. Who was he and did he hit me on purpose? It wasn’t Tucker. I knew that for certain. But could it have been a friend of Tucker’s? Someone he hired? Was he trying to kill me? Before all this, I would have never dreamed that that was possible. But who am I to say now? Was he just planning to leave me here, or was he planning that I would no longer be here for him to leave? And is someone still around trying to finish the job?

On the walk back to the motel, I pass one of the souvenir shops that we stopped in on our first day in Canmore. There in the window are the moose footie pajamas that I had intended to get for Millie. She is still out there, somewhere. She has to be. And I will see her again. I march into the shop and buy the pajamas with the last bit of cash I have.

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