Jeremy the Wooden Spoon

What opportunities can you find in the conflict that you are facing?

The Five of Wands

Jeremy is a wooden boy. He’s actually a spoon. A medium wooden spoon. Best used for stirring soups. One day on a cold November night, Jeremy the wooden spoon was washed away. The bakery where he lived had become a place of great conflict. In a small bakery, in the midst of Ontario’s urban suburbia there was a great war. It was a war between the wooden utensils of the old tyme bakery versus the new generation of plastic and electrical machinery of the modern kitchen. A great battle took place right inside Jeremy’s bakery, the place he had called home ever since he could remember.

Jeremy had not been used for soup stirring for some time. He did live in a bakery after all. On the day of the battle Jeremy was not in his usual dwelling place. He had fallen behind a very mean and powerful microwave named Ken. Lost and forgotten about, he laid behind that microwave collecting dust and radiation until one day he was knocked loose. When Ken joined in with a massed charge of blenders and toasters against a small group of rebel wooden rolling pins and an old cast iron Dutch oven Jeremy was knocked off the countertop where he had dwelt most of his life.

When a particularly nasty toaster oven set flame to his dear friend Russell the rolling pin, Jeremy was forced to watch in horror as Russell rolled away in panic underneath the oven. Suddenly there was a great explosion and flash of light. The next thing Jeremy remembered was giant men in funny suits spraying his kitchen with large hoses.

Jeremy was in and out of consciousness, not sure what was happening, his whole world had been turned upside down. When Jeremy woke up, he was in a sewer. Half his handle was blackened and charred. He must have floated away in the deluge of water that was used in the outing of the fire; the fire that took his family and home from him. Jeremy floated in the darkness of the sewers for what seemed like a lifetime. No longer a medium spoon with a purpose he was a sad thing that stirred a new kind of soup in the bowels of the cities of Ontario.

One day Jeremy got caught up in a current. It led him to the light. Jeremy was now floating on top of a great river. The fresh air and gurgling sound of the fresh clean water flowing through and around him filled him with great joy, bringing him peace he hadn’t experienced since the great war began.

Just then, as he floated peacefully, Jeremey realized that he had never known true freedom before. Always needing a purpose or a job, Jeremy’s usefulness was always determined by others, such as the Baker at the bakery. Jeremy felt a sense of excitement bubbling within him as it dawned on him that he did not have to rely on a baker to decide if he was useful anymore.

Jeremy was now floating at a slow meandering pace down a cold slow-moving river, reveling in his newfound freedom.

Jeremy could see real light for the first time in his life. Bright golden light flickered through the tree branches above him. The leaves fluttered like a trillion butterfly wings. The breeze carried many scents that Jeremy's wooden nose had never smelt before, such as all the earthy and fishy smells of the river.

After floating down the river during the warm Canadian spring for several weeks Jeremy came to a part of the river that was very wide and slow moving. From what he could tell the river had suddenly grown into an immense lake. Bobbing up and down on the surface, Jeremy noticed a great winged creature soaring above him. It was one of the great fishing birds. It was in fact an Osprey named Amelia. It would be Amelia who would take him to his next home and to get there Jeremy would have to fly.

Everything went dark, Jeremy was being gripped tightly in a set of very powerful talons. It was from Amelia’s talons where he developed his second scar, a small scratch across his spoon-like face. Amelia adjusted her grip and Jeremy almost plummeted back down into the dark cold water of the lake. Now he could see better. He was high in the air, marveling at the reflections on the water. The reflections of sunlight, clouds and the great blue sky filled his little spoon eyes with awe. The reflection of the world upon the surface of the lake was inspiringly more beautiful than anything he had seen in the reflections of the aluminum kitchenware of his old bakery. Jeremy had also never felt the rushing of the wind in the little rigid splinters on the top of his head before. It was a sensation he would learn to love over the years. Jeremy had never been to such an altitude before. This height was terrifyingly and overwhelmingly much higher than the countertop he lived on for all those years.

Jeremy awoke sometime later. He was high up in the trees. Half caked in mud and stinking of dead fish. Amelia had made him a part of her nest.

After his time in the sewers and his float down that ever flowing river into the lake where he was found, Jeremy and his wooden brain could not get over the concept of his newfound and recently lost again, freedom. Jeremy knew for certain he did not want to be a tool used by someone else, again. On the contrary, Amelia did seem nice enough. She also had a warm clutch of eggs to protect. Jeremy did not want to have to provide comfort and support to someone else at the expense of his own. Jeremy’s little spoon mind was swirling with heavy thoughts he certainly had never considered before, and he did not know what to do.

What he did know was that he needed some time. Time to reflect and to hatch a plan. A plan to escape his new perch.

Jeremy did a lot of reflecting upon Amelia’s perch. Not to mention contemplating, musing, thinking about, philosophizing, brooding and mulling over many topics and schemes that he never even once considered during his safe and routine life in the bakery. Apart from the violent uprising back home - and what now seems like a very brief time left forgotten and abandoned behind Ken the mean microwave - Jeremy never had problems before. As he thought about it more, his present situation, that is, was it really a problem? Jeremy was not sure of the answer to that question. Amelia had never really hurt him much, maybe she saved him? He could have eventually become waterlogged and drowned in the lake.

He did now have a really great view. He also now had purpose again, even if he was just nest material.

The questions were flowing in and out of his little wooden spoon ears when he noticed for the first time how beautiful Amelia’s eggs were. They were not like any egg he had seen at the bakery. They were speckled and patterned very eloquently.

The wind picked up suddenly, there was a great rushing of air and the splinters on the top of his head fluttered. Amelia landed beside him and smiled.

“It is almost time,” she said.

One of her eggs suddenly cracked with the sound of a faint pop.

Amelia’s eggs wiggled and wobbled. It seemed to Jeremy that something was inside them doing endless summersaults. Then there was a tapping or knocking sound coming from within the eggs. Then they all started tapping in unison.

Do da do da doo da doodle loo

Jeremy’s distant memory found it to be reminiscent of symphony #5 which he had heard while he was just a young spoon new to the world of baked goods.

Abruptly the tapping stopped.

Jeremy noticed a large bright eye peering out from within one of the shells. The egg next to that had a brilliant yellow beak poking out of it and the third egg had two tiny legs sticking out the bottom.

This was the day Jeremy first experienced true joy. It was the day he met Amelia’s children for the first time.

Gerald, Lydia and Emo.

Gerald was a barrel of laughs. A big, bumbly, goofy little guy. Always hungry and ready to make a joke and wrestle. Gerald was the youngest.

Lydia was the natural leader of the bunch. Inquisitive and very smart. She always got the answers to the questions she sought. Which sometimes made her a bit of a menace.

Emo was the cutest and quietest. They had a talent for creation and doing everything differently than any other Osprey that came before them. Emo was blessed with the loveliest singing voice of the trio, and they were by far the bravest.

Amelia’s three children sang the most remarkable lullabies upon their perch that summer. Jeremy had never heard anything so sweet in all his years in the kitchen.

High atop that dead oak tree, Jeremy discovered joy and true beauty. His little spoon heart would never feel the same again.

One late summer evening after Jeremy had said goodnight to Amelia’s brood, he watched the western sunset over his new home. The setting sun shimmered on the surface of the lake like the belly of a great fish. Hues of orange and purple and many other colours Jeremy had never even noticed before, swirled around in the sky.

To the east there were dark ominous clouds rolling in. Amelia tucked him in under one of her wings just as a cool rain started falling heavily upon the nest. The wind was starting to pick up in great whooshing gusts and Jeremy and his new family drifted off into an uneasy sleep.

Jeremy was whole again. Not figuratively but literally. When he opened his little wooden eyes, everything was very bright. It was an even, unnatural sort of bright. Synthetic.

There was a terrifying rumbling and hissing sound. That awful sound was then followed by a deafening buzz and the high-pitched whistling of steam and convection.

Jeremy slowly turned around. Looming over him was a great beast of metal. Its red-hot mouth was agape and ready to swallow him whole!

Jeremy awoke from his scary dream on the forest floor, bewildered. He could not see the dead oaken tree where Amelia had built her nest. A short distance from where he lay, he spotted a small bundle of feathers lying face down and motionless in the moss.

Great fear stung his heart.

Jeremy slowly squirmed as best as any spoon could. He freed himself from the mossy turf in which he was half buried. Slowly inching his way forward to the bundle of feathers he stopped beside his fallen friend’s body and began to sadly sob.

Suddenly somewhere from deep within his wooden handle came the urge to sing. So, he did. At first it was barely an audible whisper, like the sound of the cool autumn breeze that was presently blowing through the forest floor. A lot of buried emotions started to swell from inside him and he began to really sing.

LOUDLY, HAUNTINGLY, CONFIDENTLY,

But most of all soothingly.

It was like a great spirit had been awoken by his despair. Jeremy cried and wailed and hit notes and decibels that no spoon had ever even dreamed of.

Aaaaaaaa eeeeeeeeeee dddeeeeeeeee deeeeeeee doooooooo

From the corner of his eye, he saw a tail feather twitch.

He stopped singing; he could not believe it. Maybe it was just his imagination. He waited for what seemed like forever.

NO MOVEMENT.

He felt his desperate anxiety overtake his joyful hope again.

He started to hum.

Mmmhhhhmmmmmm mmmmm hmmmmmmmm hhhhmmmmm

Then to sing...

La laa llaa llllaaaaa lllllllaaaaaaaaa

The tail feathers fluttered, and Emo awoke.

The Nest, the old oak tree, Gerald, Lydia and Amelia were all gone. Emo and Jeremy were on the forest floor, lost. For Jeremy this was nothing new. Tragic, but nothing new.

But Emo…They had never left the comfort of the nest before. They were also still working on learning how to fly.

Jeremy and Emo were both scared and really missed the security that Amelia had provided to them. Emo and Jeremy sobbed together. They found some shelter in a hollow between the roots of a gnarly old cedar tree.

They fell asleep together. They awoke the following morning to the wondrous sounds of their woodland neighborhood. Birds were a-chirping, and the bees were a-buzzing. The whole forest was a hive of activity.

Emo watched a caterpillar creep by on its many sticky feet. Then they promptly pecked at it, threw it up into the air and swallowed it whole. Yum.

How do we find the others? Jeremy silently thought to himself. Jeremy toppled over so he could look up towards the treetops. He laid there for a while marveling at the streaks of sunlight shining through the countless leaves and branches. After some careful contemplation he made a decision. We need to get to the top of those trees and have a look around. For a spoon, Jeremy was unusually smart. To get to the top of one of those massive trees they would have to climb. How? Was the big question. Jeremy didn’t have legs. Even though he could get around surprisingly well for a spoon; jumping and flying were things he could not do. Emo was still a fledgling, so they would need some help. Jeremy and Emo needed to come up with a good plan. As the afternoon sun turned the forest into a hazy humid oven, Jeremy and Emo retreated into the shade of the old cedar trees roots.

The pair dozed off into a pleasant afternoon nap only to be rudely awoken a short while later. Dirt was being flung at them from the outside of their hovel. Jeremy and Emo poked their heads out to investigate. They were met by one of the strangest looking creatures they had ever seen. Garry was very odd and peculiar looking, even for an Opossum. They would become one of Jeremy’s oldest and dearest friends. Garry was entranced with Jeremy at first sight. Garry was used to human artifacts. She had collected a few over the years rooting around in the garbage bins of a nearby village. Garry really loved garbage. It was like being a treasure hunter. Treasure that you could sometimes eat. Garry has also eaten a lot of old food off of plastic forks and spoons she has found over the years. Garry had never met a spoon like Jeremy before. They quickly became best pals.

Emo on the other hand was a little nervous. Garry had an unruly disheveled demeanor and her large gait intimidated Emo at first.

Garry went back to digging up potato bugs from the forest floor. Emo sat and observed. And soon discovered that potato bugs are a very tasty snack. Ospreys are typically fish eaters, so was generally unusual within Emo’s community. Emo quickly learned that Garry was an expert at finding snacks.

Jeremy opened up to Garry about their plight and beseeched her for advice. In his soft wooden voice, Jeremy asked Garry how they would go about climbing up to the forest canopy.

"Emo and I need to see how far away the storm blew us from the nest and in which direction" Jeremy desperately whispered.

Garry didn’t have a solution to their problem, she was the solution. Garry just picked Jeremy up and put him in her pouch. At first Jeremy was alarmed but soon felt comfortable inside Garry’s soft, warm marsupial pouch.

Emo climbed up onto Garry’s back and held onto her coarse hair with their talons.

Garry was surprisingly fast even though she was quite rotund for a wild opossum. In a short while they had ascended the top of a large spruce tree.

From there Jeremy and Emo could try and figure out where they might be. Jeremy and Emo found an endless sea of greenery. They were now in a strange valley. They could not see the lake or the old oak tree where Amelia kept her nest. They must have been blown very far away. To the West there was a great mountain. Jeremy had never seen anything so immense. It dwarfed the giant trees they had just climbed. Jeremy wondered how far they could see from the top a great hill like that. Maybe from up there they could spot their way home.

It was a clear warm autumn day in the woodland valley. Garry, Emo and Jeremy stayed bathing in the last warm rays of sunshine at the top of the spruce tree for the rest of the day. By late afternoon, a cold wind swept over them from the North.

Garry was the first to spot the danger. Storm clouds, dark frigid looking giants in the sky. They looked ready to bring the first blight of winter upon the woodlands.

Jeremy was scared they wouldn’t be able to find Amelia and the rest of the family before winter set in. Emo was also just a young Osprey fledgling with a growing appetite and there were no fish in sight. Jeremy wondered how they were going to survive the winter. As debonair as Garry was, she was a creature of chance; she didn’t have a solution to their fishing problem.

Jeremy’s trip to the top of the forest canopy brought him two new revelations. First off, he needed to learn to fish.

And second off, he would have to wait until spring to climb the mountain.

4 weeks later……...

Winter had now fully set in. The woodland valley that Jeremy and Emo were calling their temporary home was buried deep in ice and snow. Garry had a small cave for a winter home next to a fast-moving creek. Just upstream from the cave was a short but very loud sounding waterfall. The spray and mist that arose from the falling water clung in the air. The mist coated their surroundings in icy glass. The nearby branches and rocks had great icicles weighing heavily upon them. Everything was beautifully frozen, except for a deep dark pool of water at the base of the waterfall.

This is where Jeremy learned to fish. As it turns out Garry was an expert at tying knots. She fashioned a piece of fishing line from some shredded tree bark and attached a large, curved blackberry thorn as a hook. She then tied the other end to Jeremy’s blackened stump of a handle. Gary then pulled an old beetle from out of her pouch to use as bait. Emo watched from a branch above the waterfall; they were the eyes of the operation. At first it took a while for the three of them to coordinate well enough to land a fish. After several days they were starting to give up hope that they would ever catch anything. Garry’s bug supply was running out and she needed to get hibernating. They needed to catch some fish, and soon, Emo was starting to look thin. Things felt bleak.

One morning the trio awoke and went about their daily routines. After breakfast they all went to the pool and assumed their allotted fishing positions. Jeremy the fishing pole, Gary the caster and Emo the spotter.

Today was the day. From their perch Emo called down to Gary and Jeremy “I see them! There are three big fishes just lounging around under the falls. By that big rock. Hurry!”

Garry quickly attached an old cricket carcass to a blackberry hook. Picked up Jeremy the fishing pole and made the most beautiful cast an Opossum will ever make in the history of fishing.

Time seemed to standstill. The frozen icicles that were loudly dripping over the surface of the creek as they melted and refroze over and over again seemed to fade out into background noise. The ripples on the surface of the water were like frozen waves of glass. The sounds of the falling water became the hushed white noise of silence.

When the dehydrated cricket landed on the surface of the water, time went from standing still to being fast forwarded at a spoon bending pace.

The strength of the trout that took the bait was more than Garry’s grip anticipated. Jeremy the fishing pole was pulled right out of her hands.

Garry cried out in disbelief.

Emo maintained focus. Generations of instinct kicked in. Watching from above the waterfall, Emo could see Jeremy being thrashed about in the cold, deep water. Instinctively Emo dove straight down towards the fish.

Emo spread their wings quickly at the last moment before they hit the surface of the noisy dark water. Emo skimmed across the surface and snatched Jeremy up in their talons and glided to the bank of the creek dragging the fish behind them.

Jeremy the popsicle laid there and smiled in disbelief as Emo and Gary munched on fish guts. Against all odds the trio had successfully caught their first fish.

3 months later……

Several long cold months of wintering and fishing together had gone by. Emo, Garry and Jeremy had become a great team and the best of pals. Emo had learned to fish. They had also learned to glide, catch, fly and land. Emo had grown into a beautiful adolescent Osprey. They were almost ready for their second quest: The journey up the mountain to find Amelia and the rest of the family.

Garry had had the best winter in her living memory, but she was still ready to go back to town. The human garbage treasures were calling to her.

Jeremy and Emo were sad to see Garry go. Not quite ready to break up the band they decided to make a detour towards town instead. It was still a few weeks before the spring thaw. Even though Jeremy was a slow walking spoon he thought it appropriate to see his friend off properly.

In town…

Hiding behind a dumpster, close to a café the band of misfits said their goodbyes and see you laters. Garry then immediately jumped into the dumpster. That would be the last time Jeremy would see her for many years.

Emo was now able to fly short distances while carrying Jeremy. Emo picked up Jeremy and flew to a tree in a nearby park so they could check out more of the town.

Jeremy had not missed the gross concrete and rusted metal of the humans. Everywhere they looked there was decay and destruction of anything natural. What was allowed to grow and thrive was to do so under very controlled conditions. The park that they were in was perfectly square, the grass was all the same length. Even the trees were cut and modified and spaced so far from one another that they couldn’t even say hello.

Some picnickers came and sat beneath the tree and started laying out their charcuterie board. Out from a portable speaker came blaring one of Jeremy’s favourite tunes from his bakery days.

The Climb by Miley Cyrus.

Emo and Jeremy looked at one another both silently grateful for one another’s company.

Emo picked Jeremy up and they started to fly towards the mountain.

After flying a short distance to the edge of town Emo and Jeremy came to a small farm, landing next to a pond. Jeremy waited in the reeds while Emo caught some lunch.

Suddenly Jeremy was scooped up by another large, winged creature and carried into a nearby barn.

Jeremy found himself being used as nest material again.

It was very dark in the barn. From what Jeremy could make out with his tiny wooden eyes he was looking at a large barn owl. A very old barn owl named Tony. It took Tony a little while to discover that he did not just bring back a regular twig but a sentient whispering wooden spoon named Jeremy.

Tony was delighted. He now had somebody to talk to. Well, maybe more like he now had somebody to listen to him yammer on. Tony loved to talk very slowly in his deep hootie voice.

To Jeremy it seemed like Tony rarely ever got to the point. Jeremy very slowly learned that Tony was building a nest to settle down in. Tony was very old for an owl. His wife and many children were all gone. Building and repairing this old nest kept him busy.

Eventually, Jeremy got a word in and told Tony that his friend Emo was out fishing at the pond and “was likely worried I disappeared.” Tony went and fetched Emo and the three of them all enjoyed dinner together.

Emo and Jeremy really enjoyed Tony’s wisdom and odd insights. Later that evening the barn was full of the rest of the farmyard community. It was like a big party.

The next morning Jeremy and Emo told Tony about their quest up the mountain to find a good view of the surrounding area. Tony advised them on the best and fastest creek to follow up the hillside. Tony even knew a few spots where they might find some fish. Tony also brought up the point that it might be very difficult to find fish at the higher altitude. So over the weekend while they were staying in the barn, Tony taught Emo how to hunt mice.

Emo was the first Osprey to ever learn how to hunt like an Owl. Emo was brilliant. Over the course of a few months, they had overcome some major hurdles. Emo has adapted happily to both hunting and fishing. Emo was confident in who and what they had become.

Jeremy was a proud friend.

The next morning, they began the last leg of their journey. Following the creek Tony had directed them towards. They made very good time.

Emo was becoming a stronger flier everyday. It only took two days for them to reach the summit.

At the peak the woodland river valley and village laid behind them. To the West they saw the lake; it was just below them. They were so close! Close enough for Emo to spot with their keen eyes: the old oak tree.

Emo said, “it looks like the nest has been rebuilt and I think somebody is home!”

Emo, in excited delight, scooped their spoon friend up in their talons and dove like a falcon, straight down the side of the mountain, down towards their old lakeside neighborhood.

After all that time away, they were home within the hour and greeted by a very voluptuous looking Gerald. After a raucous reunion and many laughs Jeremy and Emo learned that Lydia and Amelia were staying in a bird sanctuary while their broken wings were mended. Gerald had been living with their great uncle Ignacio and clearly, he was well fed.

Gerald also mentioned that the humans would be releasing their mother and sister later today, the timing of it all couldn’t have been any better. So together they flew to the bird sanctuary and waited in the trees. They cheered on their mother and sister as they both took flight.

It was a joyous and heart-warming reunion Jeremy will never forget. He has learned a lot about humans and nature since he left the bakery.

Now Jeremy could only wonder what was going to happen next.