Jane

It was raining that day.

The day I met her.

I woke up to birds singing in my window. The soft glow of sunlight beginning to creep through the soft white curtains. I ran down the hallway excitedly. She had promised me that if it was sunny we would go to the neighborhood pond.

She was in a 'different' mood that day.

A mood that I'd later learn to recoginze as a signt that trouble was brewing.

At this young age, I had not yet learned to identify her calmness with something sinister.

It would take me years to put words to the feeling and meaning to the words.

***

I was ready to go, looking out the window at the cars driving down our street. The neighbor kids were outside playing in the sprinkler.

I was so excited that I finally got to go see the dukies at the pond.

Then it started to rain.

Immediatly she told me the adventure was off.

So I sat patiently while the rain drizzled down the windowsill.

The neighbor kids had ran inside at the very first raindrops.

I watched as the sky grew yet darker and then the rain stopped.

The sun started to peak through the clouds and

Excitedly, I asked if we could still go on our adventure.

She said no.

As a child would, I asked why?

She told me that it might rain again.

Later that day it still had not rained and the sun was shining. I asked again if we could go.

Her mood had changed.

She was yet again 'different'. I thought that she would no.

But then she smiled and said yes.

Told me to grab my raincoat and umbrella just in case.

I put my raincoat on as we walked out the front door.

She looked at me with this weird look that I now know as disapproval and disgust.

I guess that means she always hated me. I believe that now. Now after everything I know. Everything I lived through.

And it all started that day.

That day, is also the day that I met my hero.

***

I was sitting there on the park bench where she told me to wait while she went to go get ice cream.

She was getting me vanilla with sprinkles.

She told me to count all the ducks and pick names for them. She told me not to move and to hold my umbrella. Before she walked away she reached into her large bag and handed me this beautiful doll.

My eyes sparkled at the sight of this new doll.

She had brown curly hair like mine and she was wearing this blue dress.

I'd always wanted a doll like this.

I sat on the bench with my dollie.

I looked at her and immediatly I announced her name is Jane.

My mother had already walked away.

I saw her go around by the ice cream truck. Then my focus was back on my new doll. I held her in my arms, my red and yellow umbrella sitting in my lap; and I started to count the ducks.

I can't tell you now how many there were. Or what I named them. It felt like I had counted them all at least three times.

She never came back.

I looked around a bit frantic. My eyes scanning the strangers faces. I wanted to get up. I started to stand, but then I remembered she told me to stay right there waiting.

It was then that this woman sat next to me.

She was the coolest person I ever saw.

She had long wild brown hair. Curly like mine but hers was much darker. The curls fell around her face in a way that highlighted her eyes.

I never forgot her face.

Her eyes had dark eyeshadow. I remember thinking she had black chalk on them. And colorful eyeliner. She was so pretty.

She sat next to me.

I cluthed my doll a bit.

Then I felt calm. At ease. Like she was an angel.

I thought she was for a long time. I told myself that over the years.

She asked me about my dollie, Jane.

And she told me stories about her travels and this doll collection she used to have when she was little.

She sat with me till it started to get dark.

Then she asked me why I was sitting there alone.

I told her that my mommy had gone to get us ice cream, but she never came back.

She softly put her hand on my shoulder. Then asked me if she could walk me to the nice policeman so he could help us.

She took my hand and picked up my umbrella.

I held Jane.

When we got the nice policeman, she told me everything was going to be okay. Then she let go of my hand as I told the policeman my story.

They later found my mom.

She said she had gone back to the spot she told me to wait and I was gone. She said she searched all around and then in a panic had gone home to see if I had tried to walk there.

It was then that I learned she was a liar.

Later, I would remember every detail that would later prepare me for her mood changes.

And later, that would save my life.