Is Life Real, Or It's Just Our Imagination

Yo! i stole again** i kept wanting to steal and i was only 11 years old. Oh No! what is wrong with me, said Kaeri. Nevertheless, i needed something enjoyable at school today and mum and dad gives me only $1 which is barely enough for me, my friends at school buy whatever they want and have a filled stomach, while i sulk with literally nothing, and wish i could buy whatever i wanted. We lived in a 1 bedroom small bungalow with my four other younger siblings and my mum, dad and a maid. The house couldnt fit us all as we had to sleep on one bed all seven of us, sometimes on the floor too. We were neither rich nor poor.

**Opens the door of the bedroom, no one is in there, everyone getting ready for school and work. I see my dads wallet laying on the bedside table, i go to it, open it, i see $20 cash, so i take out a $5 note. I was happy as i knew i would eat properly at school today. "Mum yellsssss" Kaeri!!! lets go you would be late for school, i storm out of the room and held my mums hands while she led i and my younger ones to school by walking. My mum was a teacher, she was so caring and very hardworking. We walk to school daily, it takes about 45mins walk to school every morning, we couldnt afford buses or cars on a daily. By the time we get to school, our legs were hurting and weak, but we got used to it and it got us stronger.

*RINGS THE BELL* Lunch Break time!! Yes! i run out of class to the cafeteria, with my now $6 i was able to buy whatever i wanted, i bought fried rice, Jam-pie, Ice-cream,, doughnut, Suya(An African barbecue beef). I was the talk of the class. School was over and oh well, since i had some left over change, i boarded a bus with my kid sister and little brother, we could afford only one seat, so i carried all 2 of them on my laps, we had to always manage that way. Time went by and for days everyday i would take $5 from dads wallet, he never knew.

It was a Tuesday Morning and we were getting ready for school. I hear, "Mama Kaeri, go get your kids" said - Dad. We came in front of my dad and he asks "who took $5 from my wallet" - there was immense silence! it wasnt me, said my kid sister and brother who were only 10 and 8 years old, It wasnt me either, said - me! My dad holds me, and gives me a dirty slap!

(plz note: African Parents, especially back in the days, do have very strong hands, as a result of farming, struggles and sufferings, their hands tend to grow strong and cracked)

I fell on my buttocks in the bedroom floor, my mum ran to us, "Papa Kaeri what are you doing"? She was the one who has been stealing my money daily, i know all my kids and i can tell when one is acting shady - said my dad. My mum looks at me with disgust, "did you? No mum i didnt! and there goes another slap again from Dad, this time around i saw stars, red stars and a black out, my head was spinning and i was in severe pain, but i didn't tell the truth yet, i still said No i didn't!

Dad goes outside to a tree, he breaks a branch of tree, removed the leaves and made sure the branch was really strong! As soon as he left for the tree, i rushed to my schoolbag when no one was looking, took out the $5 and threw it in the bin. Dad came back, he grabbed me, asked me to kneel down, just as i was kneeling down, i received a wipe on my back with the huge stick. (i literally died at that spot) the pain was massive, immediately, i cried and screamed, saying -" Daddy i am sorry, i was the one who stole your money, its in the bin now, i am sorry, its just because i wanted to eat well at school and take a bus home with my younger ones, also my classmates always made fun of me and mocked me at school. **So because of greed thats why you have been stealing from me? - said dad. Im sorry dad plz, i would never do it aagga__aaaa-iiiinnn *Tawai* there goes another hot slap before i could even finish my word. I blacked out, i cried, i was weak, and in pains, i thought i was gonna die, i was only 11 years old, i screamed "mum help me plz, mum make daddy stop! Mum stood beside me, but said nothing but stared at my dad and i.

Picks me up and made me stand, uses the huge branch of stick from the tree, and hits my legs with it, i was screaming in pain, i just wanted to die at that point! nobody came to my aid, neighbours ignored, there was no help to save me, i fell down and was rolling, crying, screaming mums name, pleading with dad, calling my younger ones to help me, i am sorry pls daddy plz, the hits on my leg with the stick never stopped, dad hit me all over my body with the huge stick and after 15mins i gave up, i became numb, i couldn't feel the pains anymore, the hitting was continuous and in my little mind, i told God, "God just Let me die, the pain is too much or let me go numb" with tears in my eyes, blood and bruises all over i couldn't move or walk, i lay on the floor half dead, i was numb, yes God made me numb, He was the only one who came to my rescue in my little mind, He answered and listened to my wish, He didn't want me dead, but rather made me numb at that time. Dad kept hitting me carelessly, blood splashing all over the room,. Later on, My dad stopped hitting me, and left the house in anger. I laid half lifeless on the floor, my younger ones rushed to me to console me, they were all crying as they were very young within the ages of 10, 8 and 4 years old. My mum carried me up from the floor, laid me on the bed and said you wont go to school today, you made your dad mad, whuy would you steal. My vision was blurred, my hearing wasnt clear anymore, i couldnt speak nor feel a thing, i was numb, mum noticed i was almost lifeless, and she started crying, she was scared i may die, she rushed ionto the kitchen boiled some water got some painkillers and food for me. She pressed my bruises with a hot towel and massaged the lumps i had developed from the constant hitting with sticks, whilst she did this, i could feel nothing. She made me sit up and fed me with food, then gave me some pain killers, and made me go to bed.

*5 hours later* ---- Papa Kaeri, Do you want to kill my daughter. She's half dead already, you beat her too much to the point pf death, she is alive today by the grace of God, Look at my daughters legs and body, she cant move, you have destroyed her body. 'Don't talk to me or else i will get angry at you, our daughter is a thief and should be dealt with. I woke up hearing my parents bicker, i laid in bed and could still feel so much pain. My little mind carried strange thoughts, MY MIND: *why was mum quiet and let dad almost kill me at first? Should i kill myself and leave this wicked world?, Nobody loves you, they hate and mock you at school for being poor and for being and average student, then now your dad almost killed you* MY MIND: You must hate everybody, hate everybody, fight everybody, hate, fight, snub, be filled with anger, all these were thoughts that my little mind carried, i didn't know where this came from. But all i knew was that i became a violent child filled with hatred, disgust, and anger.

Everywhere i go, i fought! i fought everyone and anyone, at school i fought all my bullies and everyone mocking me stopped, at home i fought friends, neighbours, my siblings, i was extremely defensive and quick to anger, had a hot temper coupled with he fact that i was an average stutterer. Sometimes i would get angry for no reason. I felt like i was possessed by a spirit, a very strong spirit, which till date i do not know what it was. I became physically strong, i won all my fights even when i fight with boys my age. I hated my dad at age 12, i didnt show him childlike love, i was scared of him and hated him. i gave him the fatherly respect and obedience, but the love in me was DEAD!! I hated people, i hated the WORLD! My only friend was the voice in my mind, my head and my heart, this voice tells me things a little girl my age would never think of, i was so matured for my age through my mind. I would soliloquise daily, speaking to the voice in my head. This voice would give me words, names and situations of things that were never even existing back in those days. Sometimes i wake up from sleep and see myself living an imagination, my life became weird and strange, what happened to me.

WHO IS THIS VOICE | AM I POSSESSED ? is it imaginary? So i decided to work with this voice in my head while i grew up into a teenager. Did things get worse? well, YES and NO!

.... DO YOU WANNA FIND OUT?