Infinite Dreams of the Neon Sky

Nobody can hear a scream in the vacuum of space, or so they say. However, the screams in your mind, are those which can never be silenced.

Bess and I would stare at the stars and marvel. The brightest stars were actually planets, she would tell me. She loved searching for constellations and patterns in the night sky. We watched on television and learned that the Soviets had sent a satellite into space and it only furthered Bess’ fascination with the beyond and the cosmos. We would discuss the possibility of a human being sent into space, the unfathomable awe that such a journey would posses. On her twenty fifth birthday I gave her a pendent with the seven main stars of Orion engraved into the metal, her favorite constellation. She loved it. She never removed it from her around her neck. If there was ethereal beauty on those nights under a sparkling firmament, it belonged to my Bess. She would tuck her rose gold curls behind one ear as she looked up at an unknowable universe above her. Starlight would twinkle in her gentle viridian eyes as she played with the pendent with the tips of her fingers and in those moments I knew love. That is the image of Bess I choose to remember. It is the image I picture each moment of each day.

On an unseasonably warm September day in 1964 I walked alone through the droves of excited New Yorkers to attend the World’s Fair. I rubbed my temples and my eyes in exhaustion, eager to explore this estival event and occupy my mind with whatever attractions it offered. My nights had been sleepless, plagued by nightmares, my days faired no better, ravaged by dark and insidious thoughts. Such had been the case for nearly a year.

Yet I sought to sort through my mental storm clouds and add some joy that my life had largely been painfully bereft of.

The World’s Fair proved to be exciting, with more pavilions and restaurants than I could count, a myriad of nations and cultures represented, it was overwhelming for a humble man from Queens. I looked at the sunlight kissing the Unisphere, a newly erected awe-inspiring steel globe. The rays glinted off the thick metal tubing. The brightness stung my eyes, I shielded them slightly with my hands and squinted. For a brief moment, I thought I saw movement in the sky, just beyond the globe; a flash of emerald green that slashed across the clouds. Cold sweat dripped from my brow as a shakily stumbled to the nearest bench and sat. I hastily reached into my pants pocket and found a small glass prescription bottle. I opened it, shook two white oval pills into my palm and threw them down my throat. I took a deep breath. I rubbed my eyes and my temples and wiped the perspiration from my forehead. I stared at the sky again and saw only passing wisps of cloud.

I broke myself from my reverie and continued to walk around the Fair grounds, observing gleeful children at the Walt Disney exhibit and young couples giggling on summer dates.

I was struck with a heavy sense of loneliness as I watched a steady stream of blithesome peoples pass by me.

I returned to the bench and sat once more, wondering why I had come in the first place. I wished Bess could have been here. I looked up at the sky for a moment and took a deep breath. I scanned the fair grounds again and something peculiar caught my eye.

Almost as if intentionally obscuring himself, a small and elderly man sat in an uninhabited corner of the fair on a wooden stool. He carefully watched each and every passerby, yet none seemed to notice him. His movements were unusual and slightly unnerving. It appeared almost as if he was attempting to imitate the mannerisms of those around him. However his imitations were jarring and unnatural. I was so enthralled by his strange behavior that it took me a few moments to read the sign at his feet. In large black letters the words TRIP TO MARS 25¢ were written. I furrowed my brow and examined him. Tufts of white hair were scattered on his scalp and chin along with an incongruous set of black eyebrows and lashes. He wore a black suit buttoned tightly to his neck that nearly resembled a priest collar. Were it not for his shoes, I might have dismissed him as a deranged vagabond who had wandered into the fair to panhandle but his shoes were pristine black shining leather that glistened in the sunlight with each turn of his heel. No drunk or drifter would have such immaculate footwear, I told myself.

I rose from the bench and cautiously approached him. When I reached the sign I looked at him. He seemed not to notice, his dark eyes fidgeting around, never focused.

“Trip to Mars?” I said. No response.

I dug a quarter from my pocket and held it up. The man did not react.

“25 cents, right?” I asked hoping for a response of any kind, coherent or otherwise.

Nothing. I sighed. I turned to walk away for a moment and paused.

“I’d like to take the trip to Mars.” I said confidently.

The man’s eyes stop fidgeting and looked up at me. He opened his right hand and held it in the air. I hesitated for a moment and placed the quarter in it. He collected it and placed it in his jacket pocket. He outstretched his left hand which was still clenched around something I could not see. I stared at his hand without moving.

“What’s that?” I asked, this time not expecting a response. None was given.

Slowly I extended my hand and held it under his. I felt a small metal object drop into my palm. I brought it close and inspected it. It was a coin, upon it a strange stellation that protruded from the dense metal.

Confused I asked the man what it meant and where it was from. He remained silent. Frustrated, I walked away with my curious souvenir still in my hand. I exited the Fair and began my journey to my empty home. I clasped the coin tightly in my hand. I halted suddenly. Lightheaded and dizzy, the buildings around me began to blur. I tried to steady myself yet my wooziness only worsened as my legs buckled and I fell to my knees. I opened my hand and looked at the coin, the ground seemed to judder beneath me as if the coin itself had a vertiginous effect. As I lost consciousness I was certain that I saw the same blaze of green in the sky above me.

I found myself lying haphazardly on the ground staring up at an unrecognizable welkin of neon reds and green coruscations. I sat up and observed my surroundings. I had been transported to a strange and surreal seaside. The obsidian granules underneath me could hardly be described as sand; they were cold and smooth and fell through my fingers like water, yet despite its moisture it did not cling to my palms. The endless mirrored sea before me had a hard glass surface. It billowed and thrusted toward the dark shore with a current of sharp crystallized ripples. The diamond waves crashed onto the black silt and shattered into jagged shards. I recoiled to avoid being cut and rose to my feet suddenly. I looked down at my hands and patted myself, the coin was nowhere to be found. My body felt an odd sense of calm despite my fear and confusion. My breath was steady, my heart rate, slow.

I was so taken by the striking and extraordinary sights before me that I nearly missed the figure approaching me. Such an ominous presence I had never seen and when I laid eyes upon him I felt my heart race and my breath quicken immediately. A towering individual of no less than eight or nine feet, he seemed to glide over the onyx clay beneath him. He wore what at first glance appeared to be a dark brown cloak and hood, yet its coriaceous texture and seamless attachment to its wearer suggested it was part of the figure’s anatomy. His face I could not see, it was covered by some sort of copper lorication that resembled the armor of a desert animal. His neck and breastbone contained human features yet appeared fragmented and splintered as if carved from a rotted tree. The light reflected off of something on his chest, yet I could not see it clearly. I opened my mouth to speak but heard no sound. I felt my lips and tongue moving yet could not hear my own voice. I attempted to yell, scream at the figure standing in front of me but I emitted no noise. He stood there for a moment, oddly stoic and silent. Though I could not see his eyes I felt his stare upon me. He suddenly held out an object in front of him. It was a large glass orb containing a floating crimson powder. The powder slowly fell from the top of the orb to the bottom, one small pinch at a time. I watched the powder fall for a moment before staring back at the figure’s concealed face. He let out a piercing hirrient that forced me to cover my ears and wince. I turned my attention to the sky above me which began skirring rapidly. I attempted once more to speak to the figure as the neon empyrean colors whirled around me in a luminous hurricane. I shielded my eyes and watched as the figure turned from me. The brilliant light stung my eyes and I shut them tightly as I could, certain of my fate.

However, I opened them to see a familiar Queens neighborhood. I was on the ground, on the sidewalk. A young boy was observing me quizzically.

“You alright, mister?” He said.

This was hardly a question I could answer and I rose to my feet carefully and continued my down my path.

I wiped the perspiration from my face and began to consider whether or not I had descended completely into madness. I reached into my pocket and found my pill bottle. I opened it and carelessly poured several pills into my hand. I paused. I lifted my fingertips to my eyes and saw that embedded in my fingernails was a substance similar to that of fine black sand. I took a deep breath. I shut my eyes and replayed the ordeal in my mind. Something bothered me. Something compelled me to know more. It was not merely the otherworldly landscape. It was not even the unexplainable means by which I arrived there. Nor was it the sinister being I encountered. It was what I realized had gleamed in the light on his chest. It was a pendant, with the seven stars of Orion.