In Between

Marcus let out a low groan as his quiet, relaxing morning was shattered by the deafening ringtone of his phone. He took another sip of his black coffee before picking up the device. A frown slowly emerged on Marcus' face as he stared at the name on the screen: Jake.

He did not waste any more time and hit the 'reject' button. Marcus did not want his Sunday morning to be ruined by talking to his cousin.

Why couldn't he take the hint? He had been avoiding Jake in the office for almost a week. Whenever Marcus sees him walking towards his direction, he would immediately turn and walk away. It was definitely challenging, but he avoided eye contact, conversations, and phone calls. By Friday, Marcus could see Jake glaring at him, confused and irritated, by his unusual behaviour.

His phone beeped, and the screen lit up to show a new message received. Marcus tapped the screen to open the message: "Dude, what is going on with you? You've been acting strange lately. Talk to me. Jake."

"You know why," Marcus uttered in annoyance. Jake might've thought that he could get away with his devious schemes behind his back. He threw the phone as anger overpowered him. The screen cracked as it hit the floor. He cursed under his breath, realising what he had just done.

Marcus closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He concentrated on slowing his heartbeat as he focused on calming himself down. He was determined not to let this get him today.

Charlie.

That's right. He was supposed to meet Charlie today for lunch. His anger slowly dissipated at the thought. Marcus was mostly excited to meet his dear friend today. He needed to talk to someone he trusted.

And so he gulped his coffee down until his mug was empty. Marcus hurriedly went to the bathroom, ignoring his shattered phone on the floor. He instantly felt refreshed as soon as the warm water hit his pale skin. The gentle sound of the water soothed him; he forgot the impulsive violence that occurred in his kitchen just moments ago.

After drying himself, he pulled out a pair of wrinkled dark pants and slipped them on. Then he layered a worn-out grey sweater on top of a fleece shirt, before putting on a long coat to cover it all.

Marcus looked at himself in the mirror one more time. Not half-bad, he thought before finally heading out.

The café was three blocks away from his apartment. On his usual rushed days, Marcus would take the bus. But this time, he decided to go for a walk.

The early autumn wind blew softly against his cheeks as he strolled on the sidewalk. The road was quiet, apart from the rustling sound of the dry leaves of the trees. A car or two would pass by once in a while, honking and revving down the street.

He reached the end of the block and turned right, and the all-too-familiar tower of brick buildings opened before him. Marcus caught sight of the local bookshop, Hattie's Bookshop, three doors down.

It was an old, tiny, family-owned shop that stocked mostly second-hand books. He remembered marking it as one of his favourite spots in the city. At least once a week, he would stop by and go on a hunt for a rare gem of a book. The one that had dusty yellow pages and a slightly torn leather-bound cover. But it had been some time since his last visit to this little bookshop. A lifetime ago, it seemed.

And so he continued on, passing by the bookshop without taking a glance at the cloudy window. He only looked straight and forward, undistracted by the few passersby, until everything around Marcus was nothing but a blur. Even the bright blue sky looked dull.

His steps were firm and deliberate. There were no thoughts of stopping by to catch a breath or take in the view of the quaint suburb. At this moment, there was only one word in his mind: forward.

Suddenly, Marcus heard a soft tune nearby. His lulled focus was broken by a beautiful melody. His vision cleared, and his eyes wandered around his surroundings.

He realised he had reached the second block—only halfway to go. Marcus stood next to the local park. Instead of concrete buildings, amber trees stood in a line on both sides of the street. Fallen leaves littered the sidewalk.

Marcus focused on finding the beautiful melody until he found a violinist up ahead. She stood at the corner of the street. He stared at her as she swayed softly with the music. Her raven hair was pulled back in a low ponytail, and it swung from side to side as she played the instrument.

He reached her after a couple of steps. Marcus stood in front of the violinist as she continued her piece. It was such a pleasant tune that Marcus instinctively raised his hands and waved them in front of him, as if he were her conductor. He closed his eyes to feel the music more, and he slowly danced, fully immersing himself in the song.

"Mummy, that man is dancing on his own."

"Don't go near him."

"Why is he dancing? There's no music."

The song finally ended and Marcus sighed in contentment. He opened his eyes to thank the violinist, but she was gone. He was alone.

Marcus looked around and tried to find any sign of her. But he only caught a glimpse of a little girl staring at him. Her mother stood beside her, pulling her arm, urging her to step away from the strange man. From him.

He stared at them, wondering how one could not like such a lovely song. Especially one that was being played for free.

"This world no longer appreciates tiny beautiful things like this," Marcus said to himself. He chose to ignore their odd reactions and moved on. "Ignorant snobs are not worthy of my time."

Finally, Marcus reached the café where he would be meeting Charlie. He checked his wristwatch. Fifteen minutes early.

He pushed the door open and scanned the room for an empty table. Marcus spotted a tiny table with two chairs next to the glass window. He immediately made his way towards the table and sat down.

A waitstaff soon came to his table. Her smile was wide and forged. She tucked a stray strand of her raven hair behind her ear before pulling out a small notepad from the pocket of her apron. "Hello, I'm May. What can I get for you?"

"Two cheeseburgers with fries and soda, please."

She nodded as she scribbled his order on her notepad before turning her back to Marcus. "Won't be long."

Marcus didn't need to wait for Charlie. He knew what he liked. And ordering for both of them while waiting for Charlie seemed to be the most efficient choice.

It didn't take long before Charlie appeared. Marcus was staring outside, through the window, daydreaming of a different, better life. He didn't know how long Charlie had been sitting across him before he finally realised he was there.

"Hello, Marcus," Charlie smiled warmly.

Marcus' heart skipped a beat, surprised but mainly elated to finally see Charlie.

"How have you been? It had been a long while."

"Everything's gone to shit," Marcus replied in a defeated tone. It was as though a big, heavy door had been opened, and all of the suppressed emotions suddenly came rushing out of him.

Charlie reached out for Marcus' hand that lay on the table and held it in his. "Tell me everything."

Marcus sighed. He looked down, somehow embarrassed at Charlie. "You were right all along. And I didn't listen."

In the beginning, Marcus did not want to believe Charlie when he said that Jake was plotting behind him at work. He was planning on ruining his career and if it wasn't for Charlie, who constantly warned him of Jake, he would've ended up without a job at all.

"He ended up getting the promotion," Marcus said. "He didn't even tell me that he was going for it too! And he's supposed to be my family!"

"He's selfish, Marcus. He doesn't care about you."

"And he acts as if he doesn't know anything!"

"Don't worry about him anymore," Charlie consoled Marcus. "He won't be able to hurt you anymore."

"I'm just glad I still have a friend like you. One I can trust."

Charlie smiled proudly. "You should be."

Marcus laughed in response. He felt good to be able to laugh like that again.

"Now, where's my food? I expect you've ordered for me when you got here?"

"Of course!" Marcus chuckled. He truly missed Charlie. His doctor told him that his medications would help him. Total scam.

For three months that he's been on medication, he felt nothing. Absolutely nothing. He did not cry when watching sad movies. He did not laugh when a co-worker would say a cheap joke. He was a hollow man.

And he couldn't see Charlie. His best friend. Gone.

But now he was back.

May, the waitstaff, came back with a plate of cheeseburgers and fries in each hand. She smiled at Marcus as she set the two plates in front of him. "Here you go. Let me know if you want me to pack up any leftovers. I'll be back with your two sodas."

Did she think he ordered the two burgers for himself?

A bit annoyed at the lack of common sense, Marcus picked up one plate and placed it in front of Charlie. "Sorry. She must've thought they were both for me."

"It's okay. Let's be real. You can demolish two burgers if you want to," Charlie smiled.

Marcus was relieved that Charlie didn't mind the confusion. But he wanted to make sure that he gets good customer service from the staff. And so when May came back with the two drinks, he immediately said, "The other drink's for him."

May frowned as she looked at where Marcus was pointing, before looking back at him. Confusion was evident on her face. But Marcus gestured once again to May, insisting that she place the second drink in front of Charlie.

Defeated, she placed the drink next to Charlie's plate. Marcus could see her wrinkled brows as she stepped away from their table.

"It's so hard to get good service these days," Marcus shook his head.

"Just eat your food," Charlie responded, unbothered by May's obvious disregard of his presence.

The food ended up quite delectable. Marcus didn't struggle finishing his plate. However, when he glanced at Charlie's plate, only half of the fries was eaten and the burger was untouched.

"Aren't you hungry?" Marcus asked.

Charlie only shook his head. "It's okay, you can take it back home for later."

Marcus raised his hand to get May's attention. When she came back to their table, he asked her to pack up Charlie's food. She nodded to Marcus and grabbed the plate. It somehow annoyed Marcus that she wouldn't glance in Charlie's direction.

When she came back, she had a bag in one hand and the check in the other.

"This is on me," Charlie said as he reached for his pocket. He fished out crumpled bills and placed them on top of the table. May stared at the bunch of papers and frowned.

"Is this a joke?" She asked, annoyed.

Marcus was too tired to argue with her. He could've berated her for her poor customer service, but he realised it was useless. So instead, he grabbed his wallet from his pocket and pulled out his debit card.

May didn't say anything else when she grabbed his card and made her way to the counter.

"Let's get out of here," Charlie said. Marcus instantly stood up from his seat without saying another word and grabbed his bag of packed leftovers. He couldn't wait to get out of this café.

Marcus and Charlie were merrily chatting on their way out. The two men were unaware of the judging and bewildered stares of the remaining customers that followed them.

"Crazy man."

*

Marcus and Charlie leaned against the concrete ledge of his apartment building's rooftop. They spoke about life, mostly Marcus', and all the what-ifs. The two men spoke until the sun started to set. Marcus stared at the sight before them. He finally felt at ease. He felt safe. And it was all because of Charlie.

"I have to go."

"What?" Marcus turned his head to Charlie, shocked.

The once bright sky has now turned dark as the last bit of sunlight slowly faded behind the horizon. Marcus felt the day had abruptly slipped away from him. Thoughts and questions rushed into his mind, and he was starting to feel overwhelmed. His breaths were shallow and he was starting to perspire. All of a sudden, he could feel the darkness enveloping him, weighing him down.

"You can't go. You can't leave me again." It was a plea. And Marcus did not care if he sounded desperate. Because he was.

Before Charlie could say anything, the rooftop door swung open, slamming against the wall.

"Marcus."

Jake.

Marcus turned and looked next to him, hoping to find Charlie. But there was no one there. He looked around for any sign of him, but there was only him and Jake. Where did he go?

"What?" Marcus said with a bitter tone as he turned his attention to Jake. There was no avoiding him now.

"Look, man. I don't know what's wrong, but if this is because of the promotion—"

"You're a traitor," Marcus whispered under his breath. But it was enough for Jake to hear. Marcus looked away. He didn't want to listen to his cousin's lousy excuse.

"We can talk this out. This isn't you. So, will you please step down?"

Marcus then realised that he was standing up on top of the ledge, his feet were only a few inches away from the edge. He noticed that he was shivering, even when his clothes kept him warm. He could feel his heart beating fast. He was falling apart. The unwanted emotions cascaded in rapid torrents and Marcus could not handle it.

He shut his eyes, hoping this would all go away. His hands gripped his hair tightly. What is going on? Where is Charlie? Why is Jake here?

"Marcus, I'm sorry that you lost your job..."

It was your fault!

"Megan said that my promotion had nothing to do with you losing your job."

Marcus gritted his teeth. Lies. All lies.

"Marcus, please." Jake pleaded. For a moment, Marcus opened his eyes to meet his gaze. "Let me help you."

Jake stretched out his hand towards Marcus. It was such a gentle gesture that it caught Marcus off-guard. He stared at Jake and noticed his calm demeanor. It was as though he was genuinely concerned. Should he trust him again? Where is Charlie? What would he say?

But Marcus would not know what Charlie would tell him, for he had left. He was gone. Or was he even there in the first place?

It had always been like this. He would always be stuck in between his delusions and reality. The medications only provided minimal help. A temporary pause. Before the chaos and monsters return to haunt him once again. The shadows had been too familiar to Marcus. It was a tight hug that had kept him from reaching out for help.

But this time, he would not let it take him back into the depths. This time he would try a little harder to fight back. And so he reached out, stretching his arm as far as he could, and grabbed his cousin's hand.