In and Out

-"Nobody can hear a scream in the vacuum of space, or so they say."

Alain Thériault was sitting on a grassy hill contemplating the stars. He was the silent type, but the inside of his head was as vast as the universe with all its awe inspiring lights, until recently where the emptiness slowly became an obsession. His glasses were resting awkwardly on his nose. He adjusted them, then looked at the beer he was holding, his glasses came back down where they were. Undoing one button from his shirt and taking a sip from his beer, he tilted is head back to what he liked best, thinking.

-''It always was a strange idiom. What does 'in the vacuum of space' means? A vacuum is the absence of something. How can you be inside nothing or find meaning in the absence of a thing more than its presence. The infinity of stars, planets and asteroids that compose the vastness of the universe, eclipsed by nothing and lost.''

His world had fallen apart and he didn't know why, but he was starting to grasp the harsh reality surrounding his recent alcoholism. He laid down on the grass, one hand behind his head and the other still holding the beer. He needed to hold on to something. The cold smooth touch of the can reminded him about his work, the most concrete thing about his life right now. And now even that was toppling, because even his job made him think about what he had no more.

Alain, as many before him, was thinking about The-one-that-got-away. The same thought that comes to mind each time he'd look up into the starry sky, wondering where she might be now... Probably more nowhere than somewhere. Well not totally nowhere, she is aboard an exploration ship, unless an unexpected event occurred.

-''I hope she is safe. She probably is. The SPX-Osiris is one of the safest and most reliable exploration ship there is. We used the very best in solar propulsion, which is by far the safest mean to power a spaceship. I should know I built it myself. Well, me and thousands of other workers, but still, I did my part. Oh, it was no small part, that I can assure you. In fact, I was chief engineer. This project was the most important of my life. After all it is not everyday that you get to send the woman you love in the emptiness of space. See!? There it is again, 'inside emptiness'.''

Talking to himself, that's how he managed to introspect the life he had without becoming crazy, especially when he was tipsy.

-''I know, 'what a love story Alain', but it's not like I didn't try to follow her in this voyage. One would believe that bringing one of the top engineer of a spaceship on a one-way ticket to the other side of the universe would be a great idea. Unfortunately, sending someone with one the many conditions preventing a safe trip across space, is not. 'The risk to compromise the mission would've been to high', that's what they said. Well, I'm starting to feel like I'm dying here, and alone, thank you very much!''

She was passionate with the idea of going out in space to explore and ultimately... Colonize other worlds. She loved Alain too, but she had to go even if he could not. Two years now had passed since she was gone. Only now, while hearing the countdown of a launching station in the far distance did the idea really crossed his mind. He sat back to look at the rocket.

-''I never really liked going on a trip. I define myself as an organized and a well put together man. I used to anyway. When I met her, I wasn't so sure anymore. Up until that moment when we were presented to one another, I never really gave a thought about where I was sending the spaceships we built. It had nothing to do with boredom, it was the opposite. For me, to be given a hard task and be able to triumph over the engineering complications always was a tremendous achievement. Was it?. To fly the thing and go up there, out in the void, it's just wasn't my thing, but now I know. I was not ready, but I am now. ''

When two entities interact with each other their entropy increases but like the drifting of the celestial bodies, the farter apart they are, less possibilities stay available, until there are none. Alain could not let that happen. He knew what he would have to do, even if it would be dangerous.

As the rocket ascended toward the skies, Alain got up and scream as loud as he could, throwing his beer can as if he wanted to hit the cold smooth rocket going upward in a fiery roar, drowning his words in the infinity of the night. However, Alain knew that soon, he will go up there too, no matter the cost.