Impact

Olivia was questioning her mental stability. She was questioning her friends. She was questioning all of her life decisions that led her to this moment. But she was in too deep. She couldn’t back out now. The count reached 0. “Cannonball!” her towel floated to the ground as she flew through the air, leading the troupe of teenagers disrupting the once calm surface of the inground pool. For a moment, just after the impact, everything was perfect, like one of those cheesy teenage movies.

But the impact was so much bigger than they’d anticipated.

Jacob’s parents were livid. As if they weren’t aware he threw these ragers everytime they left town. But now that it had escalated to this, they were choosing to play dumb. He should have expected this. So he sat and listened to them go on and on about the damages he was costing them, of course more concerned about the money than the actual tragedy. It wasn’t like they had no connection to Connor. Connor had been Jacob’s best friend since elementary school. He shouldn’t be surprised, yet he was. Even though his parents had shown him time and time again that he came second. Honestly, second might be pushing it. He came more like fourth, after their work, their money, and their reputations. At one point he’d been bitter, but once he’d realized that rebelling and causing trouble didn’t get him any more attention, he’d resigned himself to the fact that that’s just who they are. They didn’t even ask how he was taking the whole thing. Why would they? His feelings don’t cost anything.

The incident at Jacob’s house was all over school. Cora had never been invited to one of Jacob’s famous parties, but this one she was okay having missed. All around the auditorium people whispered about it as they waited for the assembly to start. She’d heard that when people noticed, they fled, afraid of getting in trouble. To hell with Connor. One person called 911 before running, leaving Jacob alone at his house with his best friend, or who had been his best friend, waiting for the responders. She wondered as she looked down the row what was going on in Jacob’s adorable head. He was probably traumatized. It was weird to see football players crying. Yet there they were, tears running down their faces. It’s somehow sadder than seeing normal people crying. Matt and Jacob stared blankly at the front of the auditorium, tears glistening on their cheeks. It was strange to think someone so pure and genuine, like Jacob, could have been so close with someone as cold as Connor. Could she use this as a chance to talk to him? No. Of course not. That would be disrespectful to Connor. She’d never liked that asshole, but still. He deserved respect. She’d just have to keep wondering from a distance.

In the front row of the auditorium, Matt stared blankly ahead, waiting for the assembly in Connor’s honor to begin. “Some people are saying Connor deserved it,” Matt heard someone whisper. He whipped around, eyes narrowing on the kid behind him. Tate? He didn’t know, and he didn’t care. “Shut the fuck up. Have some respect. One more word and you’ll wish that it was you instead of him.” The kid visibly swallowed, clearly terrified. For the rest of the assembly, Matt didn’t hear another word from him, just the school counselor giving some bullshit speech about how the whole community lost an important member of said community or something. But Matt and Jacob lost a best friend. The three of them had been inseparable since middle school, when Matt moved to their school and Jacob and Connor adopted him immediately, making their duo a trio. They should have had Jacob speak. He and Connor had always been closer than Matt was with either of them. It made sense to him. He did come in later, so he didn’t let it bother him… much. But instead they had this hack who probably never even met Connor. And now it was too late.

Sheila sat in the back corner of the church wondering why her parents thought she should come to the funeral. She didn’t know why half of these people were at the funeral. Connor was a dick. Only the people he deemed cool enough for his time liked him. But no speaking ill of the dead right? Now he’s just automatically a saint somehow. It’s bullshit. You get so drunk you hit your head and drown trying to jump into a pool and now you’re a hero? “At least try to look sad Sheila. This poor kid died.” Sheila tried not to roll her eyes at her mom and adjusted her facial expression accordingly. Bullshit.

Matt glared at Sheila from the front of the church. What was that uptight bitch doing here anyway? She never liked Connor. The sour expression on her face showed her resentment towards him even now. She wasn’t even trying to hide it. How could he properly mourn with her just sitting there glaring at Connor’s casket like he was evil? Sure he could be a little rude sometimes but he was joking. Mostly. Matt knew that they were jokes to him, but wasn’t actually sure about Connor. And anyway, it’s not like he was going to make fun of her dumbass blue hair and political backpack pins anymore. He couldn’t. Wasn’t that enough for her? She could at least feign sadness, or even a blank face. He’d just decided to go tell her that when he felt a hand on his shoulder, keeping him from standing. 


Matt looked at Jacob’s hand on his shoulder, but Jacob kept it there. Jacob could tell from Matt’s face that he was about to do something stupid. His furious expression had been focused on the same girl for too long, and he’d always given Sheila a hard time. He and Connor used to rip on her nonstop, though Connor’s rips seemed a little harsher, which explained the bitter expression on her face as she stared forward. “Don’t make a scene. Connor would be pissed if you took away from his attention at his own funeral,” Jacob said, smiling a little at the thought of Connor berating Matt for distracting the guests from his funeral. Matt managed to smile a little too. “He’d probably come back to haunt me,” he added, relaxing his muscles a little. They both chuckled and Jacob patted Matt’s shoulder before returning his hand to his lap and glancing back at Sheila, whose face had changed to what was likely a fake sad expression.

Cora watched Jacob make Matt smile and ease the tension in his shoulders a few rows ahead of her. He was keeping him in check, per usual. She’d always admired his ability to keep both Matt and Connor in check. They would never do their usual teasing and tormenting with him around. He’d always manage to distract them and shoot their would-be victim a wink. While she still didn’t understand why he remained friends with them, she was glad he was. Their school would be hell without him keeping them in check. “Who are you looking at sweetie?” Cora’s mother asked, too loud. Cora quickly shushed her and looked back towards Jacob in a panic, making sure he wasn’t looking back. He wasn’t. Of course he wasn’t.

Olivia didn’t go to the funeral. She didn’t deserve to. How stupid she’d been to suggest that they go skinny dipping when they were too wasted to even swim properly, let alone jump into a pool all at once. She knew she’d killed Connor. Jacob had tried to comfort her, telling her it was a freak accident and it wasn’t her fault, but she knew he was just trying to make her feel better. It was his job as her boyfriend, though he’d probably dump her soon. She’d killed his best friend after all. Once he got through the grief and realized that, it was over for them. She dropped her head to her knees and sobbed, her back leaning against her bed. Even if Jacob could forgive her like he said he did, she could never forgive herself. Connor would never get the choice to forgive. And that was her fault.

“Sorry, Jacob, Olivia would really prefer not to see anyone today,” Olivia’s mom told him for the seventh day in a row. She hadn’t been to school in a week and hadn’t even gone to the funeral. Jacob was really concerned about her, but just like all of his after-school house visits, he could tell by the look on her mom’s face that she wouldn’t talk to him even if he was allowed in. “Can you just tell her that it’s not her fault? One more time?” he asked sadly, knowing that her own twisted guilt was what was driving her to avoid him. He started away from the door and wished he could make her understand that no one thought it was her fault, but he knew that it was futile. He’d been texting her this all week and it had made no difference. He turned back, catching her mom off guard, “And just make sure she’s okay?” he asked, knowing he was going to have to give up but still wanting her to be okay. Her mom nodded sadly before closing the door, leaving Jacob standing alone on the porch. He stared at the familiar white paint of the wooden front door before turning away again, this time for good.

“Did you hear?” Cora’s best friend, Tara, asked excitedly. “Jacob and Olivia are over. She won’t even talk to him. Jenny saw her mom tell him to get lost yesterday on her way home from school.” Cora sat up straight. What an idiot! How could Olivia not understand that she’d had the perfect man all to herself?! And she let him go. Cora gazed across the cafeteria. Jacob did look sad. Olivia had made him look that way. “You should go talk to him,” Tara suggested, prompting Cora to roll her eyes dramatically. “Yeah right. He’d never go for me.” She sighed and put her head in her palm. It’s not like she was a loser, but she definitely wasn’t popular. She was in the middle ground. And it was still too soon after Connor to go for Jacob. “I can’t believe she dumped him so soon after his best friend died,” Cora commented, staring at Jacob with pity. How ironic that she was pitying the coolest guy in school. Connor really turned things upside down.

Sheila stared Matt down as he and Jacob walked down the hallway towards her. He refused to make eye contact. He and Connor had never been willing to say anything when they were with Jacob but they’d at least return her glare. Without Connor, he was too afraid to face her. He was too afraid to face anyone. Matt Donovan. Afraid. She almost felt bad for him as he walked by. Things had changed so much since Connor was alive. Football players really were pack animals and Matt had no idea what to do without his alpha male. If Jacob became the new alpha, this school was going to be a much better place. As far as pigheaded football players go, Jacob was significantly less pigheaded than the rest of them. If anyone could turn the team around, it would be him. She looked back at Matt and Jacob’s retreating forms. Maybe, just maybe there was hope for this school.

Laying in his bed at night, Jacob stared at a picture he and Connor had taken in the mirror that night. They had been drunk and flexing, thinking they’d post it eventually. A few hours before they’d taken it, Jacob told Connor that now that his parents’ company had gone international, he was seeing them even less. He hadn’t talked to them in weeks. Connor told him that he didn’t have to throw a party if he wasn’t in the mood and they could just chill, but Jacob thought the party would get his mind off of things. Looking back, he knew he should’ve listened to Connor. He knew that as Connor got older, he could be off-putting to a lot of people, but he’d always been there for Jacob when he needed him. Even before he could understand why young Jacob never wanted to be at his big, fancy house. He’d just accepted it and not asked questions until Jacob wanted to answer them, having him over to his house to play video games or throw a football. Connor was the only person he’d felt comfortable talking to about anything deeper than football and school. He hadn’t even trusted Olivia yet, though at one point he believed he’d get there. Now he had no one to talk to. He turned his phone off and set it on the nightstand, leaving him alone in the dark. At least he knew no one would see him cry.

Olivia finally gave into her parents’ wishes and went to school. She’d been doing the homework her parents picked up from her teachers every day, so she wasn’t worried about being behind in her classes, but she was worried about seeing the faces of her peers. They’d know it was her fault. And Jacob. She’d pushed him away before he could push her away, but seeing him would still be so hard. She walked down the hallway clutching her books to her chest nervously as people looked at her and whispered, probably about her role in Connor’s death. “You’re back!” her best friend, Chelsea, exclaimed when she saw her. Chelsea hugged her excitedly, confusing Olivia. Chelsea had a huge crush on Connor. Why wasn’t she more mad? “We’ve missed you,” Chelsea added as a few more cheerleaders came over to greet her. She smiled a little and told them she’d missed them too as they headed down the hallway together, just like the days before Connor’s death. But it’s not the same, Olivia reminded herself. She couldn’t let herself forget that it would never be the same.

Jacob had heard the whispers about Olivia being back, but they hadn’t prepared him to see her. She walked into the lunchroom and they made eye contact for only a moment before she turned and hurried out of the room. Jacob pushed through the people making their way to their seats and followed her into the hallway. “Liv!” he called after her. “Liv,” he said again, more gently, as he caught her and set his hand on her shoulder. She turned around and faced him, looking terrified. He hugged her tightly. “Are you okay?” he whispered. She finally softened, hugging him back and shaking slightly. Jacob realized the shaking was her crying. “Why is everyone being so nice to me?” she asked through the tears, “I killed Connor.” Jacob moved her out to an arm’s length, keeping both hands on her shoulders and looked at her teary, beautiful face. “No. Olivia. You didn’t. It was a terrible tragedy and an accident and Not. Your. Fault.” Olivia looked at him like she was finally starting to believe it, and before she had a chance to change her mind he pulled her back into a hug. “Now let’s go clean you up and get some food, yeah?” She nodded into his chest and he led her to the bathroom, waiting outside the door as she went in to erase the traces of her tears.

Cora watched Jacob run out of the cafeteria after Olivia and knew Tara had been wrong. But her worry was confirmed publicly as they returned together. As they walked past her table, Cora could see that Olivia’s eyes were puffy, like she’d been crying, but her makeup was perfectly in place, making Tara mumble “Told you to go for it sooner.” Cora glared at her for a moment before looking back to the school’s power couple, back together again. Jacob had his hand on Olivia’s back and the way he looked at her told Cora all she needed to know. She wanted what they had, but she couldn’t have it with Jacob. “Probably for the best,” she remarked as she looked back down to her food, resigned. Tara looked shocked. “Really? Just like that you’re over a lifelong crush?” Cora smiled sadly. Jacob was perfect, but he was perfect for Olivia. He was so obviously in love with her and Cora knew she needed to move on. Connor had taught her that life is too short to waste it on an unachievable dream. “It was never gonna happen,” she stated simply. Tara nodded. “That never stopped you before,” she said with a shrug. Cora punched her arm and cast one last glance over at Jacob and Cora sitting at their table of football players and cheerleaders welcoming them back enthusiastically. That wasn’t their world, and Cora believed that one day she could be okay with that.

Matt was happy to finally see Jacob smiling again as they sat in Olivia’s living room with a few other football players and some of Olivia’s cheerleader friends. It had been a few weeks since Connor’s death and Jacob had finally opened up to both Matt and Olivia. Matt had always felt that Jacob had the perfect life, but it turned out that no one has the perfect life. Jacob had also told Matt that creating issues with people like Sheila was a waste of time and there was no benefit, but he couldn’t help but tease her occasionally when Jacob wasn’t around. He loved seeing how heated she got. And how witty she could be in her comebacks. It was more fun to poke fun at someone who poked right back. Plus, even with the blue hair she was kind of hot. “What’s that look about Matt? You look like you’re trying to do calculus over there,” Jacob joked, looking over from his spot on the floor with Olivia laying on his shoulder. Matt smiled at him. “Nothing, man. Just thinking about nothing.” Jacob shook his head. “Only you would be that confused by nothing. Matt laughed along as the guys reacted to Jacob’s “burn,” but he couldn’t help but let his mind wander back to Sheila and her infuriating stubbornness and how infuriatingly smart she was and how infuriating it was that he might like her.

Sheila raised an eyebrow as Matt Donovan stood before her looking nervous. “A date?” she asked. He nodded, finally looking up from his shoes and at her eyes. She liked seeing him this nervous. “Hmmmm…” she teased, feigning thinking. A few weeks ago she would’ve said no right away. But lately, Matt’s teasing had seemed light-hearted, flirty even. She’d thought she was imagining the change. Maybe she’d misjudged him. And she did believe in the benefit of the doubt… she smiled. “I hope you’re planning on paying.” Matt smiled. “Only if you pick the restaurant,” he shot back. “Have your choice by tonight at 6. That’s when I’m picking you up,” he called as he backed away, his typical arrogant air back around him. “And what if that doesn’t work for me?” she called after him. “Make it work!” he called over his shoulder as he turned around to head down the hall. She wondered how things had changed so much as she walked by the shrine on Connor’s locker. It turned out that football players have layers too. “I’m sorry,” she whispered as she walked by. She’d judged him without knowing him, just as he’d done her. Sheila never thought she’d have something in common with Connor, or that it would take someone dying for her to realize her own hypocrisy.