If you love something. .

It didn’t feel so cold sitting out on the fence by the barn overlooking the pasture, tucked away behind the hill nestled in snug atop the cliff sides towering over the valley. Always a comforting place to retreat to when the day proved too much. You could easily find yourself there, and after spending what seemed like only moments reveling in the blissful nature, realize you’d been there the good part of a day! Nothing really compared to living in the mountains, at least for us. All we had ever experienced stood within the land we cultivated. Never had there come a time when I could recall being needed elsewhere, and so these several acres of land mixed with some stretch of pasture collectively inhabited by a herd of cattle we oversaw, as well as a few geese and a duck who seemed more than content reclining to a quiet lifestyle. Beyond that were several small fields of wheat interwoven and surrounded by steep hillsides covered in woodlands stretching to the horizon.

Little seemed to matter here. It’s not that we were calloused to the world outside, it just never seemed to have much relevance. No problems ever found their way around. The world we had was fully involved within itself, resolute and absolute.

When the snow would come in was my favourite! Gazing over the miles and miles of blanketed white, glistening proudly out of the corners of the folds. The sound of our boots crunching in the snow as we’d walk down the path. Oh, and the sheer overwhelming joy of hopping up on the fence and seeing the clouds floating above the world. I remember one time I swore I floated out over the hills and into the clouds, but mama told me it wasn’t possible and that it was probably a dream I had. I know it happened, though. I know I did.

Mama was always so warm. The world never did seem to get to be so cold, like the frozen wastelands she would talk about in her stories, but nonetheless it was always at least a little chilly, even when the snow wasn’t coming down. She never let that bother her. Roughing it through even the harshest winds! She would always comfort me and know just what to say. I could tell she came from space, like a star maybe. Even when I make mistakes, she doesn’t get too angry.

Then something happened. One day mama didn’t seem to be very happy anymore. In fact, she seemed like something was wrong. She became very distant, solitary. Still carrying on, working through the day’s toils same as always, but no longer did there seem to be any life to her.

There will always come a day in which you must face true adversity, and come to terms with the outcome. Nothing can be said about the way a feeling is perceived from outside, only the source can truly say what it is to experience it. Anything beyond that is mere speculation and fallacy. It may come as no surprise that I was unaware. Stuck inside these walls, I had come to know this place as more than just my home and even my world. I had come to know it. And so, it may not come as a surprise I didn’t notice. With all the experiences, all the memories, the chances, the choices, the lives. This world had become more than my own. And so, it may come as no surprise why mama cried when I died.

Watching her, knowing now that she’s been on her own, it didn’t feel so cold sitting out on the fence by the barn overlooking the pasture, tucked away behind the hill nestled in snug atop the cliff sides towering over the valley.