Ice Cave Meltdown

My vision is fuzzy, not that it matters. I can barely see anything in the dim light. My entire body aches; except for my left foot, I can’t feel that at all. I lift a cold, trembling hand to my head. Wet. I feel around some more, wincing as I come across a deep cut along my left temple. My eyes are slow to adjust to the light but I can just about make out four other bodies. All of them lying worryingly still. My mind is still in a daze, but I realize something terrible. Weren’t there six of us? As I try to wake up fully from my unconsciousness, my memories start to return.

We had been on a group trip, a getaway from a humdrum life. It was just supposed to be a simple climbing expedition. We’d done them hundreds of times in the past, hell we’d even done this climb before. How did it end up like this?

I know we’d been on a small mountain path. James had been leading the way as normal, his fiancé Sarah sticking close behind. Adam, Jane, Jo and I followed further back, giving the couple their space. The fresh snow had crunched under our boots, while the cloudy sky began to break. The first rays of the midday sun shone down, pushing through the gaps and highlighting spots of the brilliant snow. It had all been going so well. Till the slip.

My mind struggled as multiple memories came flooding back at once. It wasn’t any of us that had slipped. No, it was a group further up the mountain. Someone had fallen. Then all I could remember was white everywhere. Seconds stretched into minutes as I lay there in my half-stupor, trying to make sense of it all.

Finally, comprehension. An avalanche. The fall had caused an avalanche. It had swept up our group, along with those above. As I realized what had happened, I made to drag myself to my feet and check on the others, only to fall back down as my left foot refused to take the weight. A sharp pain flared in my knee as it took the brunt of the collapse. My fall - as painful as it was - did wake some of the others.

“Who’s there? What happened?” Sarah’s worried questions echoed throughout the space.

“Sarah is that you?” James asked groggily, clearly not yet fully conscious. My eyes were slowly adjusting to the light and I could just about make out Sarah and James as they began to stir. I tuned the two of them out as they whispered about the avalanche, choosing instead to take in my surroundings. We were in a crevasse, no more than a few meters wide and about six meters long. Below us lay a deposit of fresh snow no doubt deposited, along with us, by the avalanche.

“John - you there?” James’s voice broke me out of my stupor.

“Yeah, I’m here.” I responded looking over at the other two yet to wake up. In the dim twilight I could just about recognise Adam and Jane. “I’ll check on Adam, do you want to see if Jane is alright?” My request was unnecessary. Sarah was already dragging herself over towards her friend’s prone form. Crawling over on my hands and knees I reached Adam first. He was in a bad way. His right arm was twisted at an unnatural angle, worse, I could just make out a bone protruding from his left leg. Nevertheless, his slowly rising and falling chest showed he was at least breathing.

Sarah’s shriek caused me to whirl around, making my bleeding head spin.

“Jane’s dead!” Sarah moaned before descending into a fit of unintelligible wails. I felt like I had been punched in the stomach by Mike Tyson. James began to make his way over to his crying fiancé when screams of pain erupted from behind me. This time did I actually fall onto my side, the dizziness overwhelming my groggy senses. As my vision cleared I could see Adam clutching his right leg, his face twisted in pain.

For what seemed like hours, though it was probably closer to a couple of minutes, Adam and Sarah’s wails were the only things to be heard. Eventually Adam blacked out, no doubt caused by a mixture of pain and blood loss. Then James managed to console his fiancé enough to stop her crying, though she would still hiccup occasionally as she repressed her emotions. In the relative peace I turned my attention to the walls of the crevasse. The rock faces stretched up into the night, no taller than eight metres, with plenty of handholds.

“James do you think you can get up there?” James gave a grunt as he looked up to the darkening sky before responding.

“I think my left wrist might be broken. What about you?” I tested my left foot again but it still couldn’t take any weight.

“Not on this foot. What about you Sarah?” The girl made to respond but James cut in quickly.

“A few of her fingers are broken.” I sighed in response. Sarah wasn’t the strongest of climbers to begin with, factor in some broken fingers and she’d be lucky to make it to halfway.

“I guess we’re trapped then.” Sarah’s dejected voice acknowledged what we all already knew. I crawled over to the rock face and sat slumped against it. The night encroached, the air became colder. Seeking some form of heat, I dragged my aching limbs up and hugged them to myself.

My eyes had finally adjusted to the light. It allowed me to take a proper look at the group. James was covered in bruises. His jacket torn to pieces and his face pink from the cold. Sarah’s dark blonde hair was matted by blood and wet snow, her clothes were by cuts of varying severity. Adam was the worst though. Not only were there the more obvious wounds but, from the way he was lying, it was clear that almost all of his body was covered in bruises. With an exhausted sigh, I made my way back to my unconscious friend.

“James, come and give me a hand.” I said as I began to tear the tattered remains of my own jacket into strips. It wasn’t like the shredded garment wasn’t doing anything to conserve heat. James was quickly by my side, using his working hand to help me bandage up Adam’s leg. Then we set the arm back into a normal position, bandaging up the worst of his cuts as we went. After that, Sarah got a quick look over as we dealt with anything that might have been life threatening. Finally, the last few rags went to staunch my bleeding head. When we had used up my jacket we moved onto James’s, waving away Sarah as she tried to offer her own. It was a stupid time for pride I know. But there was a very good chance I wasn’t going to make it out of here, may as well go out sticking with my principles.

Finally, everyone was bandaged. Safe from bleeding out, for now at least. Injured as we were it was well into night by the time we finished, Adam had woken up twice more during the triage, each time passing out from the pain. His cries were becoming weaker each time. Unfortunately it was probably due more to the numbness of his limbs than any sign of actual recovery.

James returned to his fiancé’s side, I retreated back to my position on the opposite wall. There was only one question left.

“Where do you think Jo is?” Sarah had asked it, but we were all thinking about it.

“If she was lucky she would have been carried down the mountain side. She’s probably already in town getting help for us.”

“If she was lucky, she died instantly.” James shot back. Sarah whimpered slightly at the thought of another one of our friends being dead. I shot James a glare. It may have been the truth, but there was no need to be so brutal. He just ignored me as he hugged himself, trying to stay warm.

“Let’s just say… you’re both right.” Adam’s feeble voice grabbed all of our attentions as we realized he had woken up again. James moved over to our friend’s side immediately.

“Hey man, how you doing?” I asked. Adam offered a smile that looked more like a grimace.

“Everything hurts.” At least he wasn’t screaming.

So we sat there. Waiting for a rescue team, talking about the old times. After a while James returned to Sarah’s side. I’m not sure how much time passed, but we were starting to run out of things to talk about when Sarah asked.

“How much longer do you think they will be?”

“Who will be?” Adam asked confused.

“The rescue team. Think about it. We’ve been here for hours, and that’s while we’ve been conscious. How long do you think until they reach us?” Sarah’s query made us all realize just how long it had been since the original avalanche.

“They’ve probably stopped for the night.” I responded. I’d seen searches before, they always ended as the light died. Save those searching from ending up as lost as their objective. For a moment we all went silent wondering the same thing: could we survive the night?

“We should give up on them rescuing us.” James caught us off guard as he spoke.

“It’s not like we have much of a choice mate.”

“Sure we do. If I balance you on my shoulders, I’m sure you could climb the rest of the way. Then you could pull me out and I could get help.” James was getting desperate, clearly worried about our chances of survival in this crevasse.

“Even if that were possible, which it’s not, how would you get help? It’s the middle of the night and we have no idea where the avalanche dropped us off.”

“So I navigate using the stars! I mean one of you guys has to know how to do that right.” James was getting more agitated and I was in no mood to humor him.

“Just stop man, we aren’t getting out of here tonight.”

“Screw you John! I’m not about to give up and wait to die like you.” The anger in James’s voice threw me for a second and, before I even thought about it, I shot back.

“You’re just being stupid. Our best bet is to try and conserve our energy and wait for a rescue team tomorrow morning.”

“Both of you need to stop it.” Sarah interjected but we ignored her, so blinded by our rage we were deaf to everything else.

“You think I’m being stupid? Adam won’t make it through the night if we don’t get help soon.”

“He has a better chance of survival than you do wandering around like a headless chicken in the dark.” I was barely thinking anymore. In that moment, for the first time since I woke up, I didn’t feel the cold anymore.

“You want to bet!”

“Guys…stop it.” We didn’t even hear Adam as he weakly tried to calm us down.

“You know what, I shouldn’t expect anything better from you. I told you we should hold off for a day. But you didn’t listen, did you?” I knew that one would hurt and James flinched slightly at the thought, before defending himself by saying.

“We all decided as a group to go out, not just me.”

“Yeah, but you were the one pushing for it. Face it, you killed us all!” I didn’t realize how I had been feeling until I said it.

“Just shut it!” James yelled in response, scrambling to his feet.

“Or what?” What was I saying? I didn’t want this. I didn’t want to fight. But the cold, the pain, the whole bloody situation was getting to me.

“Or this.” As he spoke James lunged forwards and punched me in the face. I hit the ground hard, the world spinning for a moment. Pure rage boiled up inside me and in my anger I lashed out with my right leg. I had aimed for his gut. But my foot connected with a rather more delicate part. The man doubled over, letting out a yelp. I made to get back up, only for James to jump on top of me, a blind fury taking hold of him. Before I could respond, he grabbed my neck with his right hand and began to throttle me. I punched out, hitting anywhere I could. But James continued to strangle me undeterred. Sarah was screaming at him to stop. But she made no move to help. Adam tried to come to my aid, but with his injuries he wasn’t going anywhere.

The world went black and white. I gave up punching and tried desperately to pry James’s hand off my neck. But I was too weak, my vision blurred as the sharp lines of the crevasse became fuzzy, I began to lose consciousness. My hands left my neck, searching the ground for anything that could help me. My left hand touched something hard and, without thinking, I grabbed it and slammed it into my attacker’s head. Next thing I know James collapsed to the ground next to me. I took a deep, grateful breath of sweet, sweet, air before starting to cough painfully. Dragging myself backwards I threw my hands up, expecting James’s next attack. But it never came.

“James. James!” Sarah’s soft calls echoed throughout our prison, becoming more and more urgent. Adam and I stayed quiet, we already knew. The way James collapsed, it was ominously obvious. With two trembling fingers, I checked for a pulse to make sure.

James was dead.

My mind broke down. All I can see is my friend’s vacant eyes, his mouth fixed in the angry snarl from our fight. All I can think about is all the times we had spent together. The first time we met, the nights out, graduating. The day he told me he would be getting married. Married, oh God, Sarah. I wrenched my gaze away from the second corpse now occupying our cramped space, instead looked at the woman.

Sarah was a pitiful sight. She was sobbing her eyes out, her body pressed against the wall of the crevasse. As if she could sense my stare, Sarah looked up and the tears in her eyes were replaced by pure hatred. I couldn’t take the shame and looked away but that wasn’t going to stop her from the tirade building up inside. Sarah rose to her feet and marched over.

“What the hell did you do?” I still couldn’t look up but thankfully Adam jumped to my aid.

“Sarah, James was going to kill him!”

“You don’t know that!”

“He was choking him.”

“That doesn’t mean he should’ve been killed!” She shrieked.

“Doesn’t it?” I didn’t even realize I had spoken until I saw the two of them had turned to me. Sarah looked ready to throttle me herself.

“What did you say?”

“He looked ready to kill me. He was doing a good job of it, why shouldn’t I get him first?” What was I saying? My mind was five steps behind the conversation

“That’s...that’s.” Sarah’s stutter showed her failing resolve. “Just because he was… like that? What are you going to do, kill me or Adam if we act out?”

“Maybe.” My voice was devoid of all emotion, it scared me how believable it sounded. Sarah visibly recoiled from me, even Adam seemed shocked.

That was it. Sarah and I retreated to opposite sides of our crevasse as we did our best to keep the cold at bay. One hour slipped by, then two. My mind was getting fuzzy. I knew I should move. Do something active. But it was as if my body was made of lead, even the slightest move became a monumental task. My eyes felt so heavy, every few seconds I had to resist the urge to fall asleep. Just as my will was about to break, Adam’s voice woke me from my weariness.

“Guys… I’m not sure how much… more I’ve got in me.” His voice was weak and it seemed as if each word was a struggle. With shaky hands I crawled over to my friend and was quickly joined by Sarah. United, for now at least, by our concern. Adam looked like death itself. His skin was pale. His face, once so full of life, was now a gaunt shadow of itself. His wounds were still bleeding but at a much slower rate, painting the snow beneath him a brilliantly deep red. I began to check all his bandages were tight but Adam’s shaky hand stopped me.

“There’s no point. I think I only lasted… this long because of the cold.” Sarah suppressed a moan and buried her head on his chest. I placed a comforting hand on Adam’s shoulder, unsure what else I could do. A smile of thanks showed me it was all he needed.

“Do me… a favor?”

“Anything.”

“Tell my family…. I died in…. the avalanche. I don’t want… want them to….” Adam’s remaining words were lost as he tried not to cry. I gave a squeeze of his shoulder as I spoke.

“Sure thing mate… I’m gonna miss you a little you know.” That made Adam smile. An old joke from a decade ago, repeated so often throughout the years that it had long surpassed cheesiness.

“You’re gonna… miss me… a….” Adam didn’t finish. The light in his eyes, which had been holding on resiliently, finally faded. I pressed the palms of my hands into my eyes in an attempt to stop the tears. Sarah bawled her eyes out into Adam’s chest. The weight of how futile this was hit both of us like a sledgehammer, as we realized we were going to die here. Suddenly a spark. A small spark from some forgotten part of myself that rebelled against the inevitability. The tiny spark grew and grew, until it consumed all my being. All I could think about was getting out of this crevasse.

I began crawling over to James’s corpse, while Sarah continued to cry onto Adam’s. Like a madman I began tearing off every article of clothing James was wearing, wrapping it around my body. I did my best not to look at his face. The face of my friend. The face of the friend I had killed. After that I moved over to Jane. As I was halfway through my task, Sarah finally regained her composure enough to realize what I was doing.

“Stop that!” I didn’t bother responding. Instead I continued to build up the pile of clothes. Sarah marched over, ready for another fight. Only to stop when I threw the now-completed pile of clothing to her.

“We’re getting out of this. No matter what.” I don’t know if my words inspired her, or she just went along with my actions as an act of pity. Either way she began to numbly wrap the clothes around herself while I moved over to Adam’s still warm corpse. What little I could wear I took. The rest I put in a bundle and carried over to the side of the crevasse, motioning for Sarah to follow. The woman was hesitant to say the least. After all, I was the man who killed her fiancé. But the desire to live is not something to be underestimated. With slow and shaky steps Sarah made her way over, slumping down next to me. Still in silence, I began draping the remaining articles of clothing over us, forming a patchwork blanket.

So we sat like that. Freezing. Soaked and silent. Sarah flinching every time her body came into contact with mine. The cold was oppressive and there was no respite from it. The two of us sat there, in our self-imposed silence. The only sound was our breathing, it misted the air in front of our faces like fog. My mind drifted, as I began to wonder what time it was.

“I don’t want to die.” I was startled from my thoughts as Sarah suddenly began talking. “I always knew I would eventually. But it never seemed to compute, you know?” The way the woman talked, it wasn’t with fear or apprehension. Just matter of fact, as if she was commenting on the weather.

“I don’t think it fully sinks in with anyone, until they’re about to die.” I responded, focused more on staying warm than on talking about our fate.

“I always thought I lived in the moment, but all I can think about is all the things I could have done but didn’t. All the things I had planned to do, all the things I put off.” Sarah lapsed into silence as she was consumed by her own dark thoughts. I sighed as I wrapped a cold arm around her shoulder and pulled the woman closer. Sarah let out a gasp of shock, but didn’t protest as she realized how much warmer this position was. I looked up at the night’s sky. It was so clear out here in the mountains, you could see the full breadth of the Milky Way. I never liked looking at it. I always felt small when I looked at it but now, now it almost felt comforting to know all that would still be here after I was gone. I looked down at Sarah, she was the same as me, accepting the fact that we were going to die.

“Did I ever tell you about the first time we all came here?” Sarah shook her head lightly but didn’t say anything, so I continued. “We had made it down the mountain after dark and, even though it was so late, we started drinking and celebrating remember? Well, after all of you lot had crashed out, only Jane and I were left. And we realized it was almost dawn. So we went out onto the deck and watched the sunrise.”

“What was it like?” Sarah’s voice was so weak and sleepy. I gave her a gentle shake before I answered.

“It was incredible. So bright filled by all the colors in the world. I can still remember sitting there, with a beautiful woman next to me, surrounded by this incredible sunrise. All I could think was how lucky I was.”

“Sounds nice.” Another shake, I had to keep her awake or she wouldn’t wake up. Sarah responded angrily as she snapped. “Why are you talking about this?”

“Because it’s only a few hours till dawn, and I’m sat next to a beautiful woman. So I’ve been thinking, why don’t we hang on till then?” Sarah mulled it over for a few seconds. The thought of this sunrise competing with the tiredness that was slowly overcoming her.

“Let’s do it.” Sarah answered, the thought of a final happy memory winning out. So we sat there both of us too tired to say anything. The cold continuously creeping into my limbs. Breathing became tougher, my throat became hoarse. The fuzzy feeling returned to my mind, stronger than before. I could barely think anymore, the only thought on my mind was the memory of that sunrise.

Sarah sat quietly next to me. Every now and then she would jerk slightly, fighting off the inviting embrace of sleep. Seeking warmth the woman pushed herself closer to me. It only made me, rather grimly, realize I could barely even feel her touch. Then Sarah was not there. The frozen snow was not there. Nothing existed as my consciousness narrowed. All I could perceive was the edge of the crevasse, waiting for those first few rays of sun. Time didn’t exist. Nor the freezing cold. Just that dark, distant, sky.

Then it came, a beam of bright sunlight cutting through the twilight darkness. Then a second beam next to it. To my tired mind these small beams, no bigger then those produced by a car’s headlights, were the most incredible thing I had ever seen. But there was something not quite right about the light. I stared at the beams as they slowly grew in size, trying to work out what wasn’t quite right with the rays. Then it hit me. They weren’t just the size of headlights - they were headlights! My mind kicked itself awake as I realized we had one final chance at life. A second pair of headlights soon joined the first, then a third. Here it was. A lifeline that I could use to pull the two of us out of this nightmare.

“Sarah. Sarah wake up.” My hoarse voice hurt. Every word felt like it was sandpaper to my throat, but still I continued to speak as I shook my companion. But she didn’t move. I turned my stiff neck away from the headlights to look at the woman. Sarah’s eyes were closed, a peaceful smile on her face as she leaned against my shoulder. I would have thought she was just sleeping, if it weren't for the lack of breath. I’m not sure when she died. Or if she said any final words, which I missed in my stupor. But at least it seemed she had died with a happy thought.

I looked up at the headlights and then back to Sarah. Two options presented themselves. Call out and live on as the only survivor. Stuck with the memory of this nightmare. Or do I follow Sarah into the dark?

I pictured that lifeline again. All I could think was one simple question.

Should I let go?