I TAKE IT BACK

The brakes screeched as Selena grimaced and stayed silent. She did not look at Eric in the driving seat but calmly opened the passenger door and walked away. He peeped the horn in frustration but Selena walked on.

She walked for half an hour then stopped for coffee. Sitting with her hot drink and taking in the aroma, she could at last feel something; pain, disbelief and now relief too. Tears descended. Eric is the love of her life.

Eric pulls up at home, their home. He had shared everything with Selena and she was appreciative and grateful but something changed when she launched her book. It was hard for him to single out what exactly. Maybe she was less reliant on him. Was he guilty of toxic masculinity or something, he certainly hoped not.

Yes, he had displayed jealousy when at the after party launch she spent time with the editor, yes he had admitted it to her. But it really fell apart last week when they had a blazing row. Words never spoken before. Hurtful stuff. Stuff you can’t take back.

“Selena, you can’t have it all ways, we both agreed to start a family last year and now I find you were preventing this, you lied!”

“I’m simply not ready,” she yelled.

“What the hell happened to our honest relationship? I gave you it all, got your long stay visa and my brother got you employment and we were happy enough ... weren't we?”

“The book makes me feel independent Eric, like finally I have done something on my own”

“And that man, Carter, is so pretentious and you don’t see it, he’ll ruin you, set deadlines that are unrealistic”

“Look I’m sorry for not telling you about me not being ready for a family, you’re right I should have told you…. But leave Carter out of this!”

Eric places the keys on the kitchen worktop and sighs. He begins to wash the coffee pot from earlier and realises he went too far - it was indeed him who encouraged Selena to embark upon a writing career. Deep within he was proud of her but scared too, she was gaining popularity and he knew how fragile she could be.

Selena gazes out the window and thinks back to her early days here in the US when she was a young au pair girl setting out for a big adventure. Eric ended up being that adventure and pulled all the shots to get her to stay. What would she do without him? She swigs the last of her coffee then leaves.

She contemplates her options. She could leave him and start anew now that she was financially better off or try to make amends. They had fallen out once before when Beth Finley from his work had shown up drunk at home claiming he had harassed her at work. It turned out he hadn’t but that she had stitched him up for leaving his best friend back in college days.

Still cleaning the kitchen Eric curses as he cuts his finger on a tin can, then he understands he is scared she could leave him and feels overwhelmed. Sitting down in the living space he glances at her books: ‘writing in the modern day’, ‘words of confidence’ and so many more titles. He picks up her own book. She had put the idea of a family on hold. He knew he would forgive this. If she’s not ready then she’s not ready.

Eric hears the door and his heart beats faster but it is not Selena it is the post with a delivery. An inter flora. He places it on her desk knowing that it is most likely from her editor. She deserves congratulations. What had he done except argue?

Selena, tear stained and now hungry, feels the need to call back home in the UK but pushes back as they could influence her choice and she needs to hear apologies from him. The last words he muttered were that ‘Carter is a jerk’ and then she called him a jerk and got out of the car.

She slowly turns her door key as if not wanting to wake anyone but Eric is awake and sitting on the couch with a plaster on his finger marked with blood. Selena looks closer and nearly gasps at how vulnerable he looks - gone is the scowl and the frown which had been on his face for a few weeks now. Instead she sees red eyes and sadness.

“Sorry there are blood stains on your book, I’m ten pages in now and what a treat it is Selena, I can’t believe I did not read it before - it’s some pretty deep stuff and the main protagonist is super perceptive, I’m telling you I’m hooked”

“I’m glad you want to read it Eric, I’m starving”

“I’m gonna make pancakes with chocolate sauce and there is a delivery for you”

“Goodness, what a bouquet! Can we agree?”

“Yes, you beautiful talented writer, I’ll just get the bottle of champagne from the fridge. Was it for us?”

“Yeah I bought it for us of course”

“Let’s not fight again Selena, I have jealousy issues but I’m over it - you deserved so much more from me….sorry”

He approaches her and she hugs him back ferociously. He knows he took her for granted now. She knows she may be ready soon for motherhood. The bubbles of the champagne sparkle as they clink flutes.