I'll Never Be A Wife

SETTING: Wedding Reception

AT RISE: Bridal March song plays. The wedding cake is in center stage. PETTY SINGLE BRIDESMAID dressed in a beautiful, bridesmaid dress, hair all done and sitting with a slice of wedding cake and a glass of champagne. She raised her glass up and drinks up. Song ends. She stares at the audience with a new attitude.

PETTY SINGLE BRIDESMAID Ok, Let's just face it! I'll never be a wife. I'm not much of a wife material if you ask me. And I'm okay with it...I guess. I guess I'm never going to be "wife up" or be a “wifey” or “wife material" or something like that. I’m already in my mid 20s and I’m not ready to be a wife. I'm so pumped up with incredible ideas. Why the hell did I “pumped” I make it sound so cheesy? I mean like, I have school I'm on last leg with college then grad school, I have plans to publish my first novel, travel the world, drink, party, and all sorts of things I want to do before I’m 30 or 40. You know what makes me sick, me pretending to be happy that my friends are engaged on social media. I hate myself that. Every time I look at their post.

(Phone rings notification.)

PETTY SINGLE BRIDESMAID Hold on!!

(She looks at her phone and comments “Congrats with ring emoji”. She starts to looks at the audience.)

PETTY SINGLE BRIDESMAID Anyw-

(Phone rings notification. She looks at her phone. She compliments the post and says “congrats”)

PETTY SINGLE BRIDESMAID Oh another!!! Congrats!!!!

(Phone rings notification.)

PETTY SINGLE BRIDESMAID Seriously she's going to marry him. (shrugs) Well, whatever makes her happy. Congrats!

PETTY SINGLE BRIDESMAID (CONT’D) I know, I know, I know what you’re thinking I’m supposed to be supportive friend that supports their friends' engagements. Quite frankly, I just don’t care. I’m over this whole wedding thing. To be honest with you, I’m petty, I’m not against people getting married that’s on them I just don’t see myself dealing with marriage. To be honest with you, I am in an on and off relationship with myself being single. I love being single and hate being single at the same damn time. I mean what's the point with relationship. Boyfriends come and go. Hell, look at my mom's marriage? She married to a foreign guy after dating him for 30 days. Now she's getting a divorce after three months of marriage. Even though I tried to warn her not to marry him. Now I'm not saying foreign guys are bad people or scammers. Who knows? If my mom will ever find love. I don’t mind her finding love just as long as she’s careful and rush into it. Everyone deserves love. I want to be in love, but I have trust issues. One minute a guy sees me, wants to be with me. The next, they just don't care about me. Only themselves. Hello, I'm not a doormat. Gosh it always happens to me every single time. Men see me they love me they woo me they walk the other way. It’s like a song.

(She singsong “Men see me they love me they woo me they walk the other way.”)

PETTY SINGLE BRIDESMAID (CONT’D) I don’t get that. Am I really that ugly???? One minute, they would text me for like every day. Now like after weeks or months, it’s like they want me to text them every day. Sometimes I always wonder how they feel about me. Don’t you get ladies? Does it ever happen to you??? Or is it just me??? I don’t know. Who knows and who cares.... any ways I’m just dating but I’m still single. Hmmm. Well, cheers to my single life if this would be life for the rest of my life.

(PETTY SINGLE BRIDESMAID raise her glass.)

PETTY SINGLE BRIDESMAID (CONT’D) Another thing, I’ll never be a wife, I’m too selfish. I like to do things for myself. Everything by myself. I like to eat by myself, buy things for myself, you know do things for myself not have any care in the world. You can say I’m selfish I’ll take that. My mom calls me that all the time. Even if I do get married, what’s my wedding going to be like? Hmm...Honestly, I don’t even care for a big wedding. Not even like a celebrity type of wedding. My future wedding will be in a courthouse, with my family and his family that’s it. Say what you want to say about my future wedding but that’s what I want for my future wedding. Hell, I wouldn’t even care to have a diamond on my ring finger. Not even worried about diamonds. It’s not the material that counts. Just as long the ring fits and it’s not stuck on my finger.

(Her Phone rings. PETTY SINGLE BRIDESMAID looks at her phone, her face lit up.)

PETTY SINGLE BRIDEMAID BRIDESMAID Well it looks like I’ve got a date tonight. Hell, I'm starting to get tired of this wedding. So, I’m out! Thank you and goodnight.

PETTY SINGLE BRIDESMAID (on the phone) Hello? Hey! Whatcha doing? Oh, you thinking about me? Oh….

(She exits. BLACKOUT.END OF SHOW.)