I am Bexley: The Bloodletters Scourge Chapter 28 Fish

This journey has truly made me feel the full weight of what tired actually means. There’s something about this fresh air that is slowly making me feel what it means to be alive, feeling every step I take, and ever since my husband touched my stomach, I am feeling a squirming. It’s something else that’s a part of me, but not me. Am I carrying a baby? How is this possible? I am so confused.

I’m Bexley, and this is my journey, as a young adult zombie woman. With my friends, Hudson, Clara and Serena, we are fighting to get back home. Ever since Stan, my husband, taught me to write, I have been writing the whole of my undead musings, ideas, lists and events on anything I can find. As a zombie, I never needed breaks, rests, anything. Yes, my body would shut down sometimes. That is what we call a catatonic state where you’re technically aware of your surroundings but everything is distorted, you can’t move like you used to, and you’re locked inside yourself.

My parents had elongated states were this would happen (the catatonic periods). Bud and May, or May-Fly as my dad would call her, died about seven months ago during a fiery Bloodletter raid. Before that, they met Stan, my boyfriend at the time. They took fairly quickly to him as he had wanted to get their blessings to eventually marry me. This was a sign of his commitment to me, which I knew would ease my father’s worries. My mom approved, even as she was wary to trust humans.

A list my mom would force me to remember in my mind when I was younger: (which probably is why I love to write lists now that I know how to write)

1. Humans—bad.

2. Stay away from caves and places that have rudimentary appearances

3. If you see a human or Bloodletter—-run. Don’t try to reason with them.

And another one, “Don’t try to eat a human’s brains. Or eat anything at all!” My dad would remind me.

Zombies can’t actually eat brains. That’s a false narrative pushed by humans and Bloodletters. We would just explode with guts and blood if we tried to digest that. I have started to come to learn that zombies can live a much longer undeath through other measures. Zombies sustain their undead livelihood with other things: precious gems, metals and minerals.

However, Bloodletters have strange rituals when they kill. They kill humans in a ritualistic way: breaking their bones, draining their blood. They mix the human blood with some kind of elixir, so they can live longer. When a Bloodletter sees a zombie, they straight up cut the head off or attempt a head shot. Or what they used to do last year, was the fire raids. They’d burn down whole zombie cities, communities. One thing I noticed…

Why didn’t Bloodletters mess with the Elites? The richest zombies would be unscathed. It makes me curious.

But now I know other Bloodletters. Like India. She’s a true gem. I know she feels empathy, sympathy, warmth. The other Bloodletters still seem to have their ritualistic mindset but I see they are trying to fight it. It’s such a hopeful feeling to see that.

It hurts to know our family is split right now. Hudson had a pretty bad fight with India which caused Emma, her girlfriend, to clap back at him for being so rigid.

Going back home to uncle Jack’s (whom is now deceased), lab I can’t seem to shake this feeling of heavy anxiety. How did the first meeting with the Elites go? How is my husband doing? How are my good friends doing? Did they negotiate anything? I’m wondering this as I forced my group to once again stop. My belly looks like it’s growing.

How can a zombie have a baby? I know Stan and I had sex for the first time before we left. That was something that made me feel like I was beyond a higher plane of existence, as a floating pair of wings that never knew they could fly!

Still, this idea is odd. I didn’t think as a zombie I could actually grow anything.

My mother, May, gave me a picture. I still have it. It was the last thing she gave me before she died.

It was my ultrasound picture. I had learned my parents were human when they first found out my mom was pregnant. Then, they turned soon after.

I was human when I was born, but slowly turned zombie after my fifth or sixth year. These details always seemed a part of my life, or unlife. I never really tried to process it or understand it. Maybe this potential thing growing inside will help me finally understand.

Hudson is trying to be so patient. I know he’s eager to go home to try and heal Asher. To try and heal his family and himself, in a lot of ways. His family has always had troubles (his mom is human and has ALS), and he and his dad were always estranged from each other.

I am trying so hard not to be tired. I didn’t know what that meant. But I keep closing my eyes.

“Snore louder why don’t ya!” Serena yelled, making me wake up.

Hudson laughed, “I’m telling Stan you’re a snore-er!”

Clara smiled wryly, signing sarcastically, “He would know once they see each other again!”

I shook my head, “Snoring? What’s that?”

Clara snorted and make a continuous snort sound over and over. Hudson laughed, nodding, saying, “That’s Bex in a nutshell.”

Serena laughed, turning something over against a roaring fire. “That’s a good impression, Clara-pie.”

Hudson went over toward the fire, “Hey, I keep extra herbs in my pack if you want to add anything.” Serena nodded and Hudson took out a bag full of green and light brown seeds.

I suddenly got hit with a rich aroma of something roasting. I got up and saw about three large fish being flipped over on the fire.

“Oh my goodness. Is that fish? Can I try some?” I signed to Serena impulsively, but before she could answer, I grabbed one of the roasted fish.

Growling, I felt something prickle my fingers and palm. Is this what hot feels like? It hurt but the aroma was so overwhelming good to me, I didn’t care about the pain. I couldn’t believe it. I bite into it. Crispy, salty, chewy, tender.

Something about it was so satisfying. Hudson was so shocked, his face turned white as a sheet (yes I know what a bed is and sheets go on top of it!).

Serena was speechless. This was unheard of.

Clara was the only one that could speak. She looked at me, concerned as I devoured the fish.

“Zombies can’t eat, Bex, are you ok?” Clara signed to me.

I didn’t answer. I ate the whole thing, head to tail. I took a swig of water. I was on auto-pilot. This eating thing was such a weird sensation. The up and down of the teeth, the tongue, the wetness of it. Everything felt so unreal. I felt so unreal. How was this me? I never did anything so odd in my life.

With several days ahead for our journey home, I felt a surge of energy.

“Let’s get moving!” I interlock all of our arms together and we start walking.

Hudson finally speaks after so much stunned silence, “If those fish could speak, I bet you they would’ve told you that you caught more than just your dinner…” he pointed to my aching, squirming stomach.

Serena chuckled, “Bexley ate them too fast before they could even utter a syllable!”

I smiled. This journey could only lead us somewhere to light. I felt it in my gut. And I knew how quickly it could all fall apart, but still, I couldn’t help but feel hopeful of something brewing inside of me as we continued on our path.

My name is Bexley, but still, I am working on what it means to be her, a zombie woman. A zombie with a growing fear. A zombie with a growing urgency. My identity feels split like my family is right now. I need to understand this growing need of safety, survival and peace in this undead world of fear.