I always liked him

Dear Diary of My Passion,

I have to be completely honest about how I’ve felt about Samuel.

The first time I heard his name was when Lilian had a crush on him. It started as a tiny infatuation, but by the end of the year, he was almost revered.

He had this confident air and a kind smile, he was a leader of himself, of his small group of friends, and looked like he could be capable of commanding great ventures. He seemed to find everyone and everything in the world delightful, and he was kind to everyone in return. I was always just a spectator.

After summoning all her courage, she finally spoke to him, starting with trivial comments about the weather, using the speech she had practiced at home and shown me. When she finally asked if he wanted to go to a concert after sunset, he said he had a test the next day and used that as his reason to decline.

But I don't think he was aware of the issues of love or really understood what my friend felt or what her goal was.

Maybe now he understands...

That was her last attempt. After that, he was sick for a few days, their schedules didn’t align, and the chances they had were too few to even call “opportunities” without exaggerating. Eventually, she moved away.

I’ve always had a tiny, tiny crush on him, but I’ve never written about it. He’s part of a small group of boys I wouldn’t mind having a conversation with.

This diary doesn’t fully capture what I truly feel. Only I know what I really feel, and no matter what I write, no matter how much I try to refine my words, I’ll never be able to put my feelings into words.

I am so much more than the person I seem to be on paper.

This is more like a shallow chronicle that could have been written by someone else entirely. All my minutes of the week could be read in less than a minute. I might think about something twenty times but not write about it even once.