How to understand men

Introduction:

You may have chosen this guide from a lineup of many, as there are numerous words written on this subject, and even careers have been established in this arena. However, today I present the only thing you will need to understand a man. Luckily for us women, men are simple creatures, and for that reason, they do not even see us coming. This is an all-encompassing guide; however, there is room for customization, so please feel free to add your own flair to any of these rules as I break them down for you. Keep in mind that the most important part for you to remember is that you are the only you there is; for this reason, you must, and I repeat, be true to yourself. Without further ado, I present to you "How to Understand Men".

Rule #1: Despite being the same species, men truly are simpler than us.

Reading this, you may think I am putting men down, but I would like to counter this with the idea that men simply can parse through all the noise in life and the world and focus. For that, I truly envy man. That being said, for man, A=A. What does this mean to you? It means you cannot use subtext to say things. You must be direct with a man. If you say, "I love it when I receive flowers unexpectedly." A man will say, "That is nice." For him, this is information that is not filed away, nor is it pertinent to what he needs to do for the next couple of hours. Does this mean he doesn't care? No. You simply weren't clear enough for him, so I implore you; men will not read your mind, nor will they understand suggestive selling. Instead, take the bold approach and say to him, "I want you to buy me flowers once a month, on any random day." This now activates the action portion of his brain, thus increasing his attraction to you and making it infinitely more likely he will do what you ask. How does this rule translate to dealing with a new man not already established as a partner? simple. You keep in mind that A=A. You state, "I want you to take me on a date." At this point, the man will be so thrown off to know that a woman can be so direct, he may be speechless. Allow some time for him to recover.

Rule #2: Rewards are your friend, not the enemy.

I want you to imagine the following scenario. There are dishes in the sink, laundry needs to be done and folded, and the house requires groceries. Now, as a woman, you have cataloged all these items and realized the order in which you will need to do them in the most efficient way possible; understandably, you have not added a man into the equation, as this will only lower your efficiency. I would like to offer you a refresher from Rule#1. Tell the man exactly what you need done. Frame this as a favor to him, "Honey, can you do the dishes and switch the laundry from the washer to the dryer while I run to the store. I will be sure to grab you your favorite beer so you can watch OKC play the Spurs later." As you can see, I used a very direct tone, utilizing A=A while offering a reward. You would have bought the beer anyway; however, you have now leveraged this as a bargaining tool. This part is very important; you MUST make sure you add a timeframe, or the man will wait until the last moment to do the tasks. Also, pro tip, when making timeframes, always reference something in his world, but make sure to say it incorrectly. "Honey, I will be at the store for an hour. Please have these done when I am back. It is 3 pm now, so I should return by 4:15 pm at the latest; the game starts at 5 pm." The man will not be able to help himself; he will correct you. The game actually starts at 4:30 pm. Take this moment to tell him how incorrect you are and that you would want the house clean before this to avoid any nagging during the game. This part is important; you must not let him know you know that you said the time wrong on purpose. This gives him a sense of pride to be correct, and thus the likelihood that he completes the tasks assigned is higher.

Rule #3: If his team is doing badly, abort all tasks. However, the flip side is, if his team does well, use this time to plan for things you want.

The scenario above will continue here. You return home with groceries, you must say, " I got the cold beers for your game." At this point, the man will come and take a beer out of the box and leave it on the counter-to your annoyance. Do not be shaken in this moment; he is thinking only of his game, you almost can't blame his one-track mind. You make sure to dictate what you do from here: " I will put the beers in the fridge so they stay cold." You see, repetition is important for man. He may think this is just unimportant fluff; however, over time, you will inception him to put the beers away himself because he wants them cold later. (Pro-tip: this works on a myriad of food items and drinks.) At this point, though, you are in the land of the lost. He is not thinking of anything but the game. For the next 2-3 hours, he is not man BUT all men; all men wanting this basketball game to be won so that he can feel like a gladiator in ancient Rome fighting and winning the battle for his life. You must understand, sports are man's way of feeling that primal feeling that has been made dormant by modern society. It behooves a woman to acknowledge this and allow it to work in her favor. At this point, you may watch the game with your man and follow his cues- cheer when he does or feign anger when he seems to express that. This will get you points in the man's eye. OR you can wait to see who wins and decide your actions from there. If his team wins, ride the wave of good feelings to get as many "yeses" as you can from him. Please remember Rule#1: A=A. "Honey, the game is over. Please take out the trash." Or my personal favorite, "Honey, they won. We should have brunch tomorrow, and you should wear your jersey." If the team loses, imagine that he is a hurt baby bird, and treat him accordingly.

There you have it, almost any scenario you can think of with a man can be best understood in these rules. If, however, you find yourself in a pinch and have no idea how to proceed with the man, lift your top and expose yourself to him. He will be dazed and forget what was happening, and it is then that you can strike with what you need. We look forward to hearing how this guide works for you. Please feel free to email us with any questions and good luck out there.