How to Cope with Long Term Affair

If it was a long term affair you have been lied to every which way possible again and again for years. You now are dealing with the master of all liars and can count on 90% of what they tell you being a lie or very twisted downplayed version of what really went on. A one night slip might be forgiven and gotten past but a long term affair is and entirely different ball of wax.

Can you honestly believe that just because you caught them they will magically turn into a truthful decent human? Seriously, think about it. Most will never even admit to the long term because anyone with half a brain knows there is no real coming back from that. The betrayal and amount of lies is just far to great and it’s proof positive there is no real love in the marriage. Also, if it was long term it’s more than likely there was love involved for the affair partner, that’s not going to go instantly away just because you busted them, they may grieve them for months or years all while pretending to love you. They may or may not even end the affair if you are foolish enough to keep them and even if they end this one there will almost always be another. Long term affairs signal complete loss of love and respect for the spouse and a deep divide and serious unfulfillment in the marriage. Long term affairs tend to be mind and body affairs and your spouse has given all of themselves to another and that should never be allowed to stand. If it was just sex they would have had a one night or brief fling not a full blown affair.

You might be able to slap a temporary band aid on things for awhile and your spouse will most likely be doing everything possible to convince you they love you and are remorseful and of course this is what you want to hear so you let yourself believe it but it’s not real, just more of the lies to placate you. They will be much more careful not to get caught the next time and you might even really believe you have a better and stronger relationship and be none the wiser or find out and be hurt again even more. Don’t you think you deserve better than this?

Surprisingly most (70%)will still try to save the marriage after infidelity, the cheater wants to for the same reason they didn’t divorce in the first place which is typically money/kids/obligation/fear and the betrayed for love/security/kids/fear. 50% of those will end in divorce anyway and the few left will have ongoing infidelity (350% more likely) that the betrayed spouse may or may not catch again.

To cope if you are smart enough to move on, learn from the experience. Try to figure out where things went wrong, what was missing in the relationship etc. but do not fall in the trap of taking blame. This was their choice, they are an adult, they knew better, they made a vow to you and broke it again and again, not you. They owed you an honest discussion and a try at fixing things in the marriage not an affair. This is all on them. Focus on you and living an amazing life and move on with someone new that will truly love and respect you as you deserve.