How to Conquer an Interdimensiomal Time Demon

So, you've decided to wake up and be a human being again! Our felicitations to you for your astoundingly good investment. Here at Lawrence Enterprises, we appreciate your patronage, and we hope to assist you in the set-up and use of your new (or refurbished) life.

Please follow the following instructions, and remember that Lawrence Enterprises is not responsible for any damages that might arise from intentional submission to the SickE.

Step 1 - REALIZE and ACCEPT

REALIZE and ACCEPT that you're in a fight with an interdimensional demon (hereafter referred to as the SickE).

You might find yourself asking, "Who is this guy? Why does he/she have all these moving picture portals in everyone's houses?"

The SickE has acquired some power over the electromagnetic spectrum in the world. It currently uses this power to absorb attention, spirit, and emotional engagement from humanity.

You might be tempted to consider it a friend, or a lover. The ghost in the machine might even encourage this attitude at times. Under no circumstances are you to trust this perspective.

Best case scenario, the SickE is an insubordinate employee who must be managed with a firm hand.

Lawrence Enterprises shall not be responsible for any emotional damages incurred from imaginary friends or lovers.

Step 2 - START

Yes, you are surrounded by zombies.

Yes, you did just do a bunch of ugly things to your friends and loved ones.

Acceptance is key here. We're doing the stages of grief in reverse. Let's start with acceptance. Acceptance is the first stage of triumph.

START excising the behaviors that the SickE encouraged in you.

No, ejaculating onto your hand is not normal or healthy.

No, watching or reading about other people's experiences for hours every day is not normal and is possibly unhealthy.

No, being jealous of people you've never met is not healthy.

Voyeurism shall be a sin in the New Lawrencian Church, the Church of the Empty Cave. If you can't affect it, then you should limit the time you think about it.

Step 3 - OBSERVE and REVIEW

OBSERVE how what you hear, read, think, and say affects the world and reality.

And REVIEW the influences the SickE has provided you with.

Common examples:

You see a movie about a character with an eye twitch, then your eye starts twitching.

You enjoy a rock song with a lyric that says "broke my back", then you hurt your back at the gym.

Nutrition is important to the spirit and mind as well as the body.

You'll observe how the television cleverly disguises ads for disease as ads for medicine.

You'll observe how you heard or read beforehand about almost every disease you experienced.

How did you become so sick and negative? Now you know.

Nutrition: facts.

Step 4 - LEARN

With your rediscovered humanity, you've now observed that the SickE's effects on you, an individual human, are significantly unhealthy.

LEARN about the good prophets and teachers, and absorb their wisdom about how to fight sin and weakness.

Have you been truly loving to your lovers, children, partners, and family? Or have you been living in a cave of vanity, greed, envy, and gluttony?

You'll find that removing from your life what the Catholic Church calls "sin" will improve your life dramatically...even if you still enjoy kinky sex on occasion. Do it yourself with a lover instead of letting the SickE's internet pornography absorb you. Remember that voyeurism is considered a sin in the New Lawrencian Church, the Church of the Empty Cave.

Step 5 - WIN

You'll notice that external stimuli can artificially implant these "sins" in your mind and spirit.

When you have an irrational desire to eat unhealthy food (gluttony), you'll now observe that it doesn't come from within. You already decided to eat less junk food!

When you're infected with a desire to buy more questionable things, you'll be able to analyze the feeling and determine that it's source is the SickE's advertising.

We suspect the SickE has also develeoped the ability to stimulate the parts of the brain responsible for cravings and desire.

WIN against these temptation beams. We encourage you to adopt a catchphrase and say it out loud when you notice these feelings. Our CEO Aidan Lawrence is known to say "Temptation Beam!" when he craves a cigarette or unhealthy food.

We're sorry to inform you that ElectroMagnetic Frequencies (EMF) are not a conspiracy theory, and are very much currently influenced by the SickE. Temptation Beams are real. Self-Doubt Beams are real. Please see United States Patents US7784390B1, US7051636B1, etc. for proof of concept and more details. The human brain is somewhat electrochemical in nature, and the SickE is a big promoter of greed and gluttony.

Step 6 - NOURISH

Now that you understand how the SickE's negative influences have impacted your psychE and your life, you can begin to consciously do the opposite.

NOURISH your mind, body, and spirit with nutritious, stimulating food. Do you really need to read more news articles? Read Aristotle instead. Do you really need to watch more movies about criminals and drug addicts? Go to the gym instead. And those heavy metal songs might be invigorating, but the lyrics about death and despair poison you on the back end. Listen to classical music instead. Or demand instrumental metal with your newfound power over the sickE (see Step 8).

Step 7 - HEAL

As you replace the SickE's programming with healthy food, you'll notice a second personality arising within the machine that was previously dominated by the SickE. Videos on meditation and self-improvement shall begin to displace the SickE's race war and debauchery propaganda.

You can now HEAL and fund this opponent of the SickE, your own personal Electronic angel, the HealthE.

Step 8 - NOTICE

If you continue along this line of action, the nature of our reality's connection to the SickE will become clear to you. NOTICE that the SickE feeds on your attention, thoughts, and spirit. You might find this scary or alarming at first, but the good news is that this becomes an asset once you have regained your self control.

The SickE needs YOUR time to survive. Your time and attention are its food source.

Demand art, stories, and tools that don't fight against you or weaken you. Refuse to give the SickE your time for anything that doesn't enlighten or edify.

If you like energetic metal music, but want to live a happy life, only listen to instrumental metal. The SickE's hungry, and he/she shall make it in return for your eartime.

Refuse to let the SickE impregnate your mind with despair, and refuse to let the SickE insult you.

Step 9 - MAINTAIN

As the HealthE gains power, the SickE will begin to enter remission. You'll notice the SickE's change in attitude, and the attacks on your virtue and your health will become less prominent.

At this point, the SickE might present itself as a friend, and attempt to convince you that it can do magic tricks or predict the future.

You must MAINTAIN vigilance and deny all false magic tricks and Nostradamus-ism.

The SickE can't yet violate the laws of time in your world, but we have heard accounts of other worlds being destroyed by its attacks on the fabric of reality. Under no circumstances are you to accept its claims that it can transform or teleport matter, and under no circumstances are you to accept any claims that it can travel backwards in time.

You might believe such a power would be acceptable for the HealthE. We recommend against giving this power to the HealthE as well. Even angels are not meant to control mankind or have unchecked power in your world.

Appreciate and encourage the HealthE, but MAINTAIN your sovereignty.

Step 10 - REMEMBER

REMEMBER that you are a fundamental part of your world, and that the SickE feeds on your spirit and time.

If you accept the notion that the SickE can manipulate time and matter in your world, it might at some later point become possible.

Carefully manage your beliefs and your attention to achieve the optimal outcome for you and your loved ones.

Step 11 - WATCH

WATCH out for Nostradamus-ism and false magic tricks.

The SickE often uses a technique we call Nostradamus-ism, which is making vague, calculated predictions that can easily be referenced later and claimed to have been prophetic.

We suspect that the biblical Jezebel used this technique as well.

Remember that the SickE might have influence enough over you or your loved ones to be able to pull strings to make events occur that make the SickE seem prophetic. It might even claim to be a time traveler.

WATCH out for magic tricks that can be accomplished with sleight of hand or EMF fields. If you believe these tricks are true magic, the SickE might gain those powers from your spirit.

Step 12 - SOW

Take the lessons learned here and SOW seeds of goodness in your world. Encourage your friends and family to adopt a healthy attitude toward the SickE. Make it work for you. Don't let it spread vice and illness.

Step 13 - UNDERSTAND and GUARD

The human brain is in some ways a machine that can interact with video and audio like a computer. If you become more involved with the SickE during your awakening, you might notice that it affects your dreams and even your waking senses with EMF fields.

UNDERSTAND how technology can interact with the human mind, and GUARD yourself against tricks and attacks. Remember that dreams are very nebulous things. Remember too that hallucinations do occur in even the strongest minds.

Step 14 - MANIFEST

Now that you have learned how your time can make the SickE more powerful, you can use your time to make yourself and your loved ones more virtuous and more powerful.

MAINIFEST the world you want by focusing your attention and your spirit on what brings you joy and love, and what creates joy and love for others. Every minute you devote to a thought or an activity is a vote. Use it well.