How to be a mother

Step 1: Have a baby. Sounds simple, right? It’s not. For some of us, it takes years, surgeries, miscarriages, hormone treatments, and a lot of patience you didn’t know you had. Every small success feels monumental. Every setback feels like the universe is testing you. And yet, when that tiny human finally arrives, the struggle suddenly seems worth it… even if only for a few blissful minutes before reality hits.

Step 2: Change diapers. Not just a few, but many, many diapers. Some days, it feels like your life is a constant loop of wipes and powder. And not all of them will be the baby’s diapers. Your body does things during and after labour that you didn’t expect. Why do TV moms look so perfect minutes after giving birth? The answer: they are not real. You might spend days feeling like a shell of your former self. Accept that. Cry if you need to. Take it slowly.

Step 3: Sleep is no longer a luxury—it’s a tiny window of opportunity. You might get twenty minutes here, thirty minutes there, up to four times a day. You will lose your keys, open the front door with the car remote, and forget what day it is. This is normal. This is parenting. And somehow, you will survive.

Step 4: Your diet will be unpredictable. Cold coffee will become a lifeline, toast will become fuel, and you will question why you ever thought nutrition mattered. Then, without warning, you will demolish three entire pizzas because somehow your body is craving what it needs in the moment. Motherhood is a strange mix of structure and chaos.

Step 5: You will wonder if the crying is coming from the baby—or from you. Sometimes, it’s both. You will question if you are doing it right, if your baby is happy, if you are capable, if you are enough. Spoiler: you are. And your baby? They will survive your tears, your confusion, and even your doubts.

Step 6: Wonder if you are good enough for this tiny human. There will be days when you feel like you are failing at every step. But then you will see a smile, a small hand gripping yours, or a laugh that reminds you why you chose this life. You are enough. Every day.

Step 7: Watch them grow. Celebrate the little wins. But brace yourself for heartbreak too, when they say their best friend is Daddy. This doesn’t mean they love you any less—it just means they are discovering their own world, and you will learn to let them.

Step 8: See the world differently. Shopping centres are now obstacle courses. The news hits harder, filled with places and dangers you never noticed before. TV shows feel suddenly inappropriate. You start questioning your choices, your safety, and the chaos of the world you brought a child into. And yet, this new perspective is precious. You notice details you never did before: a stranger smiling at your baby, the way leaves move in the wind, or how music can make your little one laugh uncontrollably.

Step 9: Finally, know this: you’ve got this. Motherhood is exhausting, overwhelming, sometimes heartbreaking—but it’s also filled with joy, wonder, and connection. You are doing fine, even when it doesn’t feel like it. Every day you show up, every diaper you change, every late-night cuddle, every meal you share, every tear you wipe—you are enough. You are a mother. And that is everything.