House Rules

I Will Be Honest With You

I have asked Mommy how long you would be staying. She said forever, so that in itself, led me to explain to you the house rules.

Rules For The Patio

1. You are outside, where you are at right now and you are on MY patio. Don’t forget that!

There are rules to the patio, set by me, Comfort. To you, I am the equivalent to Prince William of England. I am royalty around here, and my royalty extends to the house and back yard and to this patio. “Do you understand?”

Mom says your name is Banjo, what a clunky name. I bet you are a yahoo. Let me continue on about the rules concerning the patio.

2. There is rules about where you can lift your leg. Peeing on the fence is a “no no”, that is only reserved for me.

Lifting your leg on Mommy’s flower tubs is also a “no no, and is also reserved for me.

You can pee over there in the corner, of the patio and when you do pee, only squat, do not lift your leg.

3. Then you have to have my permission to go outside on my patio, and to come back in the house again.

On To The House Rules

1. Only one canine in the bathroom, and of course that would be me, Comfort puppy. I visit Mommy every time she visits the bathroom. I get some great back rubs while she is in there. Don't horn in on that, or there will be hell to pay.

2. Mommy is mine, all mine. Be respectful of that. Do not sit on her lap, or on her chair, those places are reserved for me and only me. Do you understand?

3. Daddy is mine too, but I will share him with you, I guess someone has to take care of you.

4. Table Scrapes- These are only reserved for me. Mommy gives me part of her meal, every time she eats. Get used to it, and don’t cry, or look at her with sad eyes. If you do, I am warning you, there is going to be a fight, and who do you think will get locked up in the kennel cage? I will give you a hint, it won’t be me.

5. Dog Treats- I do not really consider myself a dog, but I will be honest with you, Mommy doesn't buy cheap stuff, and a lot of canine treats are pretty darn good. I will tell you what is mine and what isn’t , The blueberry treats are really good and are they are only for me, and the treats called Wags are peanut butter and apple and they are delicious and they are for me only.

You can have the things they call, “Milk Bones”, they are pretty much void of flavor and you might like them, after all your name is Banjo.

You can eat the stuff they call kibble, I never really liked it anyway. It’s not acceptable for refined taste buds like mine, but it should suit you just fine.

6. Do not sit on the couch or in Mommy's chair, that is always reserved for me. Don't cross the line.

Do you mean like this?

Now Let’s Get To The Toys

This is very important, as I don’t want your spit on anything I put in my mouth. I will tell you what toys are mine, all mine.

1. The football with the squeaker in it, I play with all the time, and it is absolutely off limits. I put that in my mouth, and it is priceless to me. It is my favorite toy.

2. The long stuffed dinosaur, is a favorite of mine also. Do not touch this toy under any circumstances. It is way too much toy for you.

3. The Rubber Lion - It has a squeaker in it also, and it is a favorite of mine. Please don't touch it in any way. I will tell Mommy, in a heartbeat, or wag of the tail in canine terminology.

Are any of these taboo? I found them in your toy box? Wow, you have a lot of toys!!!!!!!

Other Tidbits

I understand English, so you might hear the humans in the household spelling things they don't want me to understand. However, I have one up on them, I can spell too.

If you do not like the rules the way I have explained them to you, you can always run away, this house already has a canine in it. All I can say, is don't let the gate hit you in the tail on the way out.