His

The dreams are vivid. There I am. Walking…. no... running. Why is he chasing me? The ground is wet. Where are my shoes? Ouch, the twigs are sharp. I’m in the woods? Help! Help! Why can’t I scream? My voice! It’s gone. Still running. It smells like fresh rain in these woods. I’ve never been here. There! Behind that tree. I crouch. I am trying to catch my breath; but trying to be quiet. I still hear his footsteps. He slowed down. I close my eyes but then realize I need to see where he is. I peek my head around the corner; not there. I look up, not there. I see a little dent for me to climb in the tree; should I do it? Yes! Nakeya save your life and climb this tree! This tree is old, the bark smells like pine but it isn’t a pine tree. I climb silently up the tree, thank God there are a lot of branches and leaves. I think I’m safe. I can see him now. He looks familiar. Wait….it can’t be…. he’s dead! I saw him die. I try to talk, still no voice. Got dammit! Why can’t I speak! This isn’t happening. Someone wake me up. SOMEONE HELP!

“Nakeya wake up”! “NAKEYA! GET UP!” My eyes open, I see my friend Kay-Kay. “You were screaming, what’s wrong?” Kay-Kay asked. She looks concerned. I look at the clock, damn, 3:00 am. “Sorry, I wasn’t aware….”, my voice trails. I put my hand to my forehead and wipe the sweat. “What was your dream this time? Nakeya, Kay-Kay sits on my bed, I need to know. She sighs, this is the third night you’ve woke me up screaming.” “I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” I feel the tears down my face, I am such a terrible friend. Three nights of nightmares and all I can say is sorry. But I can’t tell her who is in my dreams, she’ll call my mother if I do. “Why are you crying?” She swipes my tears away. “I’m a terrible friend, Kay. You haven’t been able to get any sleep in since you’ve moved in, and my dreams are getting worse.” Kay sighs, “Nakeya, you are my best friend, my acebooncoon, when we became friends, we both said this was a forever thing. I just need you to be honest with me.” She stares at me.

I know that look, she won’t let this go. “I haven’t been the same since Chris broke-up with me. I’m still heartbroken and I guess my heart is trying to tell me something. I guess it chose a scary movie rather than P.S I Love You”, I smile. She smiles, “P.S I love you? Really bitch you couldn’t think of a black romantic comedy?” She shakes her head “Dating all these white men” We both laugh. Yes! I got out of this one. One more night in the clear. “Kay, I really am happy you moved in. I feel complete.” I grab her hand. “I really need you to always be friend.” She laughs, “Like I have a choice? You know too many of my secrets! If we stopped being friends, I would have to kill you” We laugh, I needed this. “I do miss Chris, maybe I should text him to meet me for lunch?” I reach for my phone, Kay snatches it. “Girl, it’s 3:10 in the morning, that’s booty call time to be asking for lunch, not lunch time. Text him when you get up.” She’s right. Sighing, “ 이해 했어.” “Girl you know I don’t understand Korean but okay to you to as well”, Kay chuckles. She gets up and heads to the door, then stops. She turns her head, looks at me, then she looks at our pictures. “People were always jealous that we were so honest with each other. There have never been secrets between us.” She looks me in the eyes, “Don’t start keeping secrets now, she turns the light off, I love you”.

Ugh, the bangs under my eyes are really telling. It screams either this woman is crazy, or this woman doesn’t get any sleep. I’m starting to think it’s both. Three nights of me running from him in the woods and each time I can’t talk or yell. Why? He’s dead. I have no ties to this man, no emotional connection. Yet, he’s in my dreams I feel like my dreams are trying to tell me, I just don’t know what it is. Shaking my head, “Nakeya snap out of it, we have a date to get ready for.”

I was fidgeting. I am usually not the one early to dates with Chris but this was different. We’ve been together for two years and it was wonderful. Then suddenly, he wanted more. He wanted marriage, kids! He wanted a future with me and when he asked me what I wanted I couldn’t give him an answer. I have to be a pretty stupid person, but I was scared. I’m still scared. There will be so many obstacles we would have to face as mixed couple. I mean, we’ve already faced enough, but when you bring children into the world; it changes everything. “Nakeya?” I look up, and I see him. It’s almost as if I’m seeing him for the first time, I get up from my chair and just stare. I love this man. I can’t live without him. I need him. I hold out my hand. He looks confused. He’s trying to read my face but I just keep my hand out with a smile. Now the tears are coming. Dang it, my mascara…. but I don’t care. I need him to feel my love. My hand is still out, he finally grabs it; I pull him to me. I whisper, “I love you”. I kiss him with no hesitation. His lips are just as soft, wait, he put on Chapstick. It tastes like strawberries. I feel the restaurant just stare at us, but I don’t care. I smile. He’s mine again and I’m about to seal the deal. I step back a little and reach in my purse for the box, I give it to him. I see the tears form in his eyes. He gets on his knees, “Nakeya Rashan Skinner, will you marry me?” I smile back, “Yes, my answer to you will always be yes; forever.”

“Girl you went to lunch and came back engaged!” Kay exclaimed. Her hands were trembling from the excitement and her voice was cracking. Uh-oh here come the tears. “I am so happy for you! You need to be happy; I want you to be happy!” I smiled; I am happy. For now. “Why are you frowning?” Kay asks me. “I need to be honest with you. The dreams have been about someone who died. My father.” I look at her face and continue, “I’m running away from someone, a man. I can’t quite see his face but I can I know I’m in danger and I need to run. It’s always in the woods and I never have shoes on. Every time I stop running, I climb the same tree, it’s not pine tree, but it smells like pine. I feel safe after I’ve climbed the tree and I’m able to see who’s chasing me, it’s my father every time. I try to yell at him, scream, do something! But every time, I can’t talk. That’s when you wake me up.” Kay stares at me. Almost like she’s seen a ghost, but also like she wants to say something. “Nakeya, we need to go to your mother’s house.”

What is she hiding? Why is she so calm? I need answers but I know I can’t get them when she’s become like this. Wait, wasn’t she the one who said we shouldn’t keep secrets? Why she is not telling me why we are driving like Thelma and Louise trying to get away from cops? She hasn’t even looked at me this whole time. K-Pop? She hates K-Pop, but I love it. I always have to compromise when we are driving but she turned it on herself. Is she trying to calm my nerves? What bombshell is about to explode? My palms are sweaty. I feel like I can’t breathe. I air feels so tight right now, I roll down the window. Aww, I love the smell. A mixture of trees, and fresh…. rain.

“Mom, what is this about? Why did Kay bring me here?” My mom’s been crying, her eyes are bloodshot and puffy. Did Kay text her? “Mom?” I get close to her and touch her hand. It’s shaking. My mother is truly scared of something. “Nakeya, I think you need to sit to hear this.” Kay tells me. I turn to look at her. To look into her face for some kind of answer, but nothing. Stone cold. I sit. My mother sits. She takes a deep breath and reaches under the kitchen island for a box. I look at her and Kay. This box has nothing special wrapping but this ugly brown paper. Wait, was this just delivered? I look at my mother, she pushes the box toward me. It’s addressed to me. I look at both at them. My mother nods her head. Her indication to open it. I turned the box around and see its sent from my father. I look up, “Mom, he’s dead??! How is this sent from my father when he is dead?!” My mother takes my hand and says “Nakeya I am so sorry, but I can’t explain it; I need you to open this box.” I look at Kay, stone cold. I take a deep breath. I open the box, I scream. The feeling of a thousand knives stabbing my heart radiates in my chest. I stumble from chair; I cower in fear. “Get it away from me! GET IT AWAY FROM ME!” All my memories start to flood like a dam that’s finally broke. I can’t hear or see anyone. I get to my knees and put my hands on the sides of my head. I’m screaming, I remember. I was eight years old. Kids were getting abducted in the area. We were driving home and then we see a man. My father asks if he needs a lift to the nearest gas station, he says yes. He enters the car and then he asks questions. Like how old am I. He tells my Dad I’m going to be a looker when I get older, my dad gets tense. He tightens my seatbelt. The man puts a knife to my dad’s neck. Tells my dad “If you want to live, stop driving, get out and I’ll take your daughter. Don’t worry, I’ll take good care of her.” My Dad turns to me and mouths “I love you.” The car steers off the road, its flipping. My head hurts, I’m bleeding. I’m yelling for my dad and I see him. He’s pulling me out the car. My arm hurts, my feet hurt. I take my shoes off; he tells me to run. The man comes out the car. They are fighting, I hear someone fall to the ground, it’s my dad. I run. I can’t see. My ground is wet. The twigs are hurting my feet, but I have to keep going. I see a big tree. I hide. Someone help me, Daddy? I turn to see if the man sees me. I climb the tree, I see him. He’s frustrated. He yells, “One day I’ll get you and you’ll be mine.” This wasn’t sent from my father; it was sent from him. He took my father’s clothing, my shoes and kept it. Waiting for the right time to send it to me; letting me know he’s still out there. Watching me. Waiting, to make me his.