Herbert

A hulking figure stood in the doorway. He smelled like whiskey and clenched a cigar between his teeth. It had a cherry scent adding a pleasant smell to an otherwise horrible one. Brad and Wendy turn and their faces twist in horror. Herbert revs his chain saw; then he lets out a terrifying squeal while chasing after the couple. Wendy bashes the clown over the head. Glass shatters and candy goes everywhere. Herbert shakes his head. Brad drives his shoulder into Herbert’s belly. The clown lets out a grunt as he staggers backwards and crashes through the coffee table. The terrified couple tries fleeing out the back door.

Another clown cracks Brad in the face with a baseball bat. Brad staggers back; his vision blurs. Wendy grabs a butcher knife and stabs the second clown in the eyeball. He howls in pain. Clutching his injured eye, Herbert drops the bat. Now seizing the opportunity, Brad grabs the weapon and beats the second clown senseless. Blood pours out of the second clown’s mouth, nose, and eyes. Brad’s chest heaves. Herbert appears in the kitchen. He charges at Brad and gives him a hard shoulder tackle, knocking him down, and hovering over him. Next, he raises the chainsaw over his head. Wendy runs into him, but he is an immoveable wall. He chainsaws Brad and Wendy wretches her guts up. Herbert vanishes into the night, never to be seen again.

Wendy calls the Police. Officer Rodriguez, a young Mexican cop arrives.

“Tell me about the suspect,” Officer Rodriguez says.

“He was a hulking man, bald and wearing a green clown suit. Also, he was wielding a black and yellow chainsaw,” she says. Officer Rodriguez nods as he writes down the description.

“Anything else?” he asks. She wipes tears from her eyes.

“He smelled of whiskey and smoked a cherry scented cigar. His eyes were bloodshot,” she says.

“How tall would you say he was?” Officer Rodriguez asks.

“Six three,” she answers. The officer nods.

“Thanks for your cooperation,” Officer Rodriguez says. He turns and leaves.

He gets in his car and his partner Officer Mendoza is sitting in the passenger seat. His hair is neatly parted on the right and he is working on a crossword puzzle.

“Could you at least act like you give a shit about your job? Officer Rodriguez snaps. Mendoza rolls his eyes.

“It’s been a long night; I don’t need any more of your shit tonight.”

“Excuse me for expecting you to be vigilant with a psychotic clown running around this neighborhood,” Officer Rodriguez said. His knuckles turn white as he grips the steering wheel.

“I’m tired, I’m hungry, and my wife is on the rag,” Mendoza said. “She won’t even suck me off!”

Officer Rodriguez snorts. “TMI.” Mendoza laughs at himself.

“You know I’m a good cop. I was just tired and cranky; I didn’t feel like going inside.”

“Just don’t let the Chief hear about it or he’ll hit the roof,” Officer Rodriguez says. Mendoza says nothing.

People are gathered around in front yards and in the streets. Hervert sneaks around to the backyard. He is surprisingly agile for such a large man wielding a cumbersome weapon. He finds a nearby shed and waits in there. He waits and hides, knowing whoever opens that shed door will be his next victim. His own rancid breath hitting him in the face. The shed door opens and he leaps at Mendoza. He knocks him down but Officer Rodriguez presses the gun to his head. ‘’Drop the chainsaw or I blow your brains out, asshole!’’ Officer Rodriguez warns.

‘’Fuck you, pig!!!’’ Herbert growls, still clenching the cigar between his teeth.

Officer Rodriguez squeezes the trigger and Herbert’s brains litter the grass. He falls over and lands on his chainsaw, slicing into his own belly, cracking ribs. Officer Rodriguez helps up Mendoza. ‘’You alright?’’

He looks down at the slain killer. ‘’I’m doing better than that creep.’’

‘’That’s for sure,’’ Officer Rodriguez says.

‘’The paperwork is going to be killer,’’ Mendoza groans, rubbing his forehead.’’

Officer Rodriguez talks to the killer. ‘’Even in death you’re one big pain in the ass.’’