Her Silent Call

I can still remember the day I first laid eyes upon her, I was eleven years old and me mum took me ta Portsmouth. I looked out upon the vast blue emptiness and I fell in love instantly. I could hear her calling ta me back then, whispering my name and trying ta seduce me and bring me ta her great blue endless embrace. I knew even at eleven that I was gonna dedicate my entire life ta her and seeing the endless horizon upon her blue back.

At the age of fifteen I dropped out of school. Had no use for it. I already knew what I’d be doing for the rest of my life. Me mum was furious, said I needed an education but their was no arguing with me. I ran away the next night and only returned home once when me dad died forty years later, when I was already too full of the drink and too landlocked ta even care that he was dead.

I hitched a ride ta that beautiful city of Portsmouth with barely a nickel ta my name.I walked right down ta the docks and found the next ship that was leaving and asked ta join their crew. They laughed in my face and so I went ta the next ship, and then the next. There I found a less than reputable man running a middling sized fishing boat named Angus.

“How old are ya.” He asked me, leering down at me with a brutish gaze befitting of his ugly mug.

“Fifteen.” I replied happy that someone didn’t just laugh at my face.

“You’re eighteen, good then come aboard.” He said gesturing towards the ramp that led ta the stern of the ship.

“But-” I began ta argue but was cut off quickly.

“You’re eighteen right?” He said with a wink and I nodded, finally grasping his meaning.

That was it, from that moment spent every waking moment at sea. Everyday I would sit down and talk ta her my beloved. I'd ask her for clear skies and calm water and she wouldn’t always grant my wish but most days she did.

One of my clearest memories was five years after I joined the crew, I was out having a smoke and enjoying looking out on my beloved when we hit a large wave. I fell overboard and no one saw, I thought I was dead that day. They call me mad but I swear I ain’t because next I knew something pushed me back up on ta that deck soaking wet and safe, and when I looked down I swear on me mum I could see a tendril of water recede and I thanked my lady once more.

The next big thing that I can remember is that ole cap’n taking me aside one night three years later. We stood side by side gazing upon the reflection of the stars in the ocean and I swear I couldn’t tell if we were in water or in space, all I knew is I never wanted ta be anywhere else. My cap’n sat me down and opened an old bottle of liquor. I couldn’t tell ya what type all I could tell ya was that it burned somethin fierce..

“What are we drinkin ta, cap'n.” I asked him

“Ta that sight right there lad.” He said after a few moments of silent contemplation. “I like ya, ya got the spirit, like me.” He continued.

“Thanks cap’n” I replied unused ta his praise.

“I mean it, most men don’t last long on a boat like this. There either prisoners, immigrants or both.” He explained. “Oh don’t give me that look, I’ll take anyone, I mean I took your ugly mug, but it doesn’t change the fact that most men on a boat like this don’t have much else a choice.” He said knocking back his drink and pouring himself another cup.

“And I’m different am I?” I asked him following suit and quickly began coughing horrendously.

“Haha that’ll put hair on your chest.” He smiled and then went serious. “Yeah ya are, eight years later and barely a complaint out of ya. No lad you look at her like I have for the past forty years. I see it in ya, the true spirit of a sailor.” He continued.

“Where are ya going with this cap’n” I said slamming back a second cup, this time much easier.

“I’ll be retiring soon and damn that if I’m gonna leave my boat ta some half assed nancy boy scout little fuck of a seamen, ya get me.” He said and then left us in silence while I contemplated what he meant.

“Ya mean, ya wanna give it ta me?” I asked suddenly.

“God you’re a lil twit, maybe I shouldn’t.” He grinned widely.

“Ahh fuck off won’tcha.” I said and we both laughed at that. “When are you retiring?”

“Next time we make port, paperwork was done weeks ago… Cheers laddy.” He said raising his cup.

“I don’t know what ta say.”

“Just say yes.” He said waving his cup in front of me and I quickly clanged it.

He never made it too retirement, only two days later he fell overboard in the middle of the storm. Experienced sea cap’n of forty years fell over a railing in the middle of a storm. Most call me mad but I swear I ain’t mad, I saw the sea that night reach up and grab him from amidship and drag him ta the depths below. She’s a jealous mistress, who doesn't like people leaving her for the land. She took him as she took all true seaman and I knew that’d be my fate one day as well.

Still the ship was mine and I sailed that beauty through the seven seas themself, storms and all. I saw the world, and I showed it everything I had ta show with a smile on my face alongside my love. It was only towards the end of my sailing days, and I knew it was that end because she was getting impatient and fickle. One too many waves narrowly missed takin me overboard. I could feel her and hear her wanting us ta be one, and I realized this must’ve been what ole Angus felt at his end as well.

I assured her that I’d join her soon and I knew it was the end for me. So unlike me ole cap’n I decided not ta tell anyone and at the next port, I’d bring the men in and tell them my goodbyes, leaving her clueless all the same. So that’s what I did, I sailed back ta Portsmouth and I got off. I told the crew my farewells and pulled one young lad away named Bill as I saw in em what me cap'n saw in me. So I gave him the ship and left him ta sail the world as I stayed here. There was a storm the day they set sail and the ship capsized. There were no survivors, she was angry at me and she took me men in revenge.

So now I sit at a pub all day and I drink til I can’t think bout it all anymore, bout those men I killed and most of all bout her. Because as soon as I do, I can here her calling me back and everyday it gets just a lil harder ta resist. That’s why I’m tella ya this, ta leave some record, some memory of it all behind and ta warn ya all about her temptations. Even though I know a true seamen would ignore all above ta sail her anyways until it’s too late. Til she’s got ya in her grasp and there’s no escape like she did me and me cap’n.

Anyways, it’s late, I’m tired, I'm drunk and I feel like going for a swim.