Hellraiser: Ozzy Rules

Jack Ferrell pulls into the parking lot of the Boiler Room Club and Restaurant owned by J.P. Monroe. Jack and his friends Sharon, Kelly and Lemmy arrive at the club anxious to see their favorite band playing on stage. “I can’t believe we’re about to see Motörhead playing live” Kelly started with excitement. “Yeah, Lemmy’s been my favorite frontman since I was a kid” Sharon added. “Why thank you, Sharon. I had no idea you had such passion for me” Lemmy added sarcastically. “Be careful guys” Jack began. “You know this idiot gets a big head when you remind him that he’s named after the frontman of our favorite band.

“Well I can’t help that our parents passed on their love of Motörhead to us” Lemmy concluded. The quartet make their way inside the packed out club on this hot Friday night and find the band Motörhead on stage singing their cover version of the song “Hellraiser” by Ozzy Osbourne.

🎶Feelin alright in the noise in the night

But that’s what lights my fire….HELLRAISER…In the thunder and heat

HELLRAISER…Rock you back in your seat…

HELLRAISER…and I’ll make it come true…

HRLLRAISER…I’ll put a spell on you…🎶

“Dude, do you see how crazy it is in here tonight?” Lemmy said to Jack amidst the loud patrons. “Actually I can” Jack answered. “Who doesn’t love a good cover of an Ozzy classic”. “Look over there” Kelly said while pointing to the side of the stage as Motörhead performed. “Wow, it’s a statue of Ozzy himself” Sharon observed. “Not just any statue” Kelly continued. “It’s the Ozzy Rules statue. There’s an urban legend that says if you rub it at a bad time it comes to life in the form of Ozzy himself and saves you.”

“Haha, and you actually believe that?” Lemmy asked sarcastically. “I mean, Ozzy is supernatural” Jack added. “Yeah he supernaturally bit the head off a bat” Sharon laughed. “Let’s go to the bar and get some drinks” Kelly suggested. The four walked over to the bar and took seats as the bartender took their orders. “What can I get you?” the middle aged man asked. “Uh we’ll take four bud lights” Lemmy ordered. As the bartender brought over the beers Sharon was startled when she looked to her left and saw what looked like a homeless man who was not there before suddenly appeared next to her. “Bloody hell!” Sharon called out. “Look if you wanna ask for my name and number you’re not my type, old man river.”

“Just wanted to give you a present.” The rugged old man uttered. In his right hand was a puzzle box which he held with a tight grip that he handed to a curious Sharon. “Cool” Sharon observed. “Well what does it do?” she asked. “You can say it’s a kind of…doorway” the old man replied. “A doorway to where?” Sharon asked. “You’ll know soon enough, take pleasure in it” the merchant concluded. “What you got there?” Kelly asked Sharon while observing the box in her hand. “I don’t know” Sharon began “this old man just gave-”

“What old man?” Jack asked curiously. “Sharon stop fooling around, there’s no old man there” Lemmy added. “I swear the bastard was just here not a moment ago” Sharon continued confused. “What is that anyway?” Kelly asked while observing the symbols on the box. “I don’t know” Sharon replied as she started fidgeting the box. She noticed a button on the side and pressed it. Jack, Kelly and Lemmy all look on in awe as the box lit up with an electric shock and started opening itself. “Uh guys, what’s happening Lemmy asked as the other club goers began to notice what was happening.

After the box configured itself the club went silent as the patrons began to notice and the entire building began shaking lightly. With the exception of Motörhead on stage everyone in the club began to panic. “The box!” Jack called out. “The box did this”. “Throw the bloody thing away” Lemmy asserted. “I think it’s too late” a frightened Sharon concluded. The quaking suddenly stopped and from three corners of the room a blue light shined on three beings who caught everyone’s attention.

All three were dressed in sharp leather that resembled S&M attire. One being had a brown face with no visible eyes and chattering teeth. A second being had their face stitched together by needles and the third being had needles in his head in an ordered grid.

Everyone focused on the being with pins in its head as he was the center of the group. “Time…to…play” Pinhead uttered. Everyone started fleeing for the exit in fear as metallic chains started emanating from every corner of the room and started slicing every person they came in contact with from left to right. Amidst the blood flesh and screams, Jack, Lemmy, Kelly and Sharon looked on in horror as they began their attempt to flee. “Come on, let’s get the hell out of here” Lemmy called out as the four made their way to an exit.

With Lemmy at the front of the group his stomach was sliced open by a flying hook on a chain. “AAAAHHHH!!!!” Lemmy yelled in agony as he fell to the floor holding his bleeding belly in agony. “OH MY GOODNESS LEMMY” Sharon screamed in horror as she, Jack and Kelly tried to aid Lemmy. “NO! GO! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES” Lemmy ordered. “NO WE’RE NOT LEAVING YOU HERE-” before Sharon could finish she was cut off quite literally by a hook that tore its war through her right leg. “AAAHHH!!!” Sharon screamed in agony as the chains pulled her to the ground and off into darkness.

“SHARON! NO!” Kelly screamed. “WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO, JACK?” Kelly screamed helplessly. Jack looked around and in the midst of the chaotic crowd surrounding him he spotted the Ozzy Rules statue by the stage, next to the unbothered Motörhead. “COME ON!” Jack asserted as he grabbed Kelly by the arm and made a run for the statue. “WHAT ARE WE DOING?” Kelly asked. “Goin’ out on a limb of faith and seein if the legend is true” Jack replied.

As they made it next to the statue a chain came flying out of the sky aiming for Kelly’s arm. In a nick of time Jack just barely pushes her out of the way as the hook on the chain lightly grazes Kelly’s shoulder. “Ow” Kelly lets out as she falls to the ground. “What are you doing, Jack?” Kelly asks while looking up at Jack. “I’m gonna see if this supernatural myth is true and run this Ozzy statue in this time of need” Jack replies. He rubs the head of the Ozzy statue which catches the attention of the three cenobite demons who send an army of chains his way that abruptly stop one foot shy of Jack and the statue.

The chains then disintegrate into ash as the statue gains color and coalesces into life as a very much alive Ozzy Osbourne. “OZZY?” Jack and Kelly yelled simultaneously as the remaining survivors took notice. Ozzy jumped on stage and faced the cenobites with a smile on his face. “ALLLLL ABOOOOAAAAARD HAHAHA” he yelled as The cenobites trembled in fear. “DONT…DO…THAT…” Pinhead yelled as Ozzy said his chant once more. “AAALLL AAABOOOOAAAARD HAHAHA”. At this sound the puzzle box reconfigured itself and blasted all three cenobites with flashes of light. “NOOOOOOOO I’M THE ANGEL OF SUFFERING!!!” Pinhead screamed. “AND I’M THE PRINCE OF DARKNESS” OZZY laughed as the flashes of light sucked all three cenobites back in the box, sending them back to hell.

“Ozzy you saved us” Jack cried with appreciation as he and Kelly embraced. “Of course” Ozzy began. “I’m the freakin’ Prince, kid. I’ll take care of you. Now join me and Motörhead so we can rock this party back to life.” Ozzy and Motörhead began playing Ozzy’s hit song “Hellraiser” together as Jack, Kelly and the rest of the club goers sang along.

🎶I'm living on an endless road🎶

🎶Around the world for rock and roll🎶

🎶Sometimes it feels so tough🎶

🎶But I still ain't had enough🎶

🎶I keep saying that it's getting too much🎶

🎶But I know I'm a liar🎶

🎶Feeling alright in the noise and the light🎶

🎶But that's what lights my fire🎶

🎶Hellraiser, in the thunder and heat🎶

🎶Hellraiser, knock you back in your seat🎶

🎶Hellraiser, and I'll make it come true🎶

🎶Hellraiser, I'll put a spell on you🎶