Hello

Hello.

I suppose most communication begins with a polite greeting. Whether it be between two people, a friend rejoining their small crowd, or a broadcast to the entire world population, a proper greeting is not only the custom, but an expectation.

While this may not be under pleasant circumstances, I feel it necessary to greet you properly.

Hello, I am Rhett. And although I’ll never hear your response, I’ll assume you have accepted my invitation for a conversation, and I will continue beyond simple pleasantries.

Before I can tell you more about myself, I need to take you back to many years ago, long before I would ever be able to share this with you.

She was 14. A shy, smart, innocent girl just trying to find her place in life, she was learning how the world worked beyond her small, sheltered upbringing.

School had always been easy for her. Excelling was expected, and there was only a small margin for error. She was bright with a thirst for knowledge and acceptance.

While I won’t drone on about how her past led her down this path, I will tell you that her life had been painted with both happiness and sadness, as most lives are. Here, she was no different.

But she felt different.

She was young, but eager to feel loved. Wanting to be wanted, she longed for a boy to notice her. The movies always made it seem so wonderful: two unlikely people hit it off over a small common interest and create love where there once was nothing.

She felt different.

Alone. Weird. Worried.

And then he came into her life and completely changed her forever.

There was nothing particularly special about him. But he saw her. He saw her innocence and blossoming body, and he wanted her.

He made her feel like she was worth being seen. Filling the air with sweet nothings of her physical beauty, unique intellect, and prospects of love, he entranced her. She believed his intent to be true, and was happy he saw even just a glimpse of her.

But he also began to make her feel unworthy of being heard.

The small voice hardly could be heard over his taunts, insults, and manipulation. He saw her when she was no one, and she would become nothing without him.

Time passed, as it always does. Her rose-colored glasses became grey. Everything became grey. Moments would appear in color: the first kiss, his first gift to her, their first anniversary. She was finally experiencing the things she had always dreamed, but dreams fade.

His soft and caring hugs turned to forceful shoves. The kisses revealed sharp teeth that bit into her flesh. Gentle touching ceased as painful grabbing became the norm.

She couldn’t even hear herself anymore when she pleaded with him to stop. His words were loud and powerful, and flooded her mind.

Perhaps she did ask to be treated this way. He promised her love, which she knew of so little. Could this just be how love is shown in the real world beyond the books and movies?

He whispered love in her ear, as his hands kept asking for more than what she could bare to give him. He saw her, and he wanted it all.

Forced to her knees, she begged for his love to be gentle like it once was. But he could not hear her. His interest in her mouth was not for her words. His love for her was only in her ability to provide his self gratification, whether she wanted to provide it or not. He saw her, and he would conquer her.

And he would take it all from her. Everything.

Her cries for mercy were muffled by his hand. Disobedience was matched with violence she had never known. This moment was supposed to be special, soft, loving. But maybe that doesn’t always happen in real life.

She stopped trying to be heard anymore.

Victorious, he left her broken and ruined. He took her innocence, but was sure to leave something for her in its place.

As she struggled internally with what had transpired, she continued on with her days as if nothing at all had happened. No one would hear her anyway if she tried to speak about it.

A few weeks passed, and although she made a valiant effort to keep her life the same, she realized exactly what he left behind.

Her monthly visitor missed the appointment, and a new fear shook her.

Weeping in her mother’s arms, she managed to find her voice again if only for a moment. They cried together, and set out to make the situation as right as they could.

The office was far away, and no one made eye contact in the waiting room. She held her mother’s hand as she struggled to keep her tears at bay.

It was cold, the gel on her abdomen. She felt as if this was all a terrible nightmare, and couldn’t wake up.

His hand touched her, and she cried. He offered condolences, and continued with the examination.

And that’s when she saw me.

Nothing more than a few cells on a black and white screen, the doctor pointed to me and she sobbed uncontrollably.

The drive home was silent. A huge, life changing decision was a heavy weight on her young shoulders. Already so broken, she was not sure if she could carry this burden.

A few weeks later, she was back in the same office. Adorned in a hospital gown, she told her mom, “I love you,” and gently drifted to sleep.

She awoke to the sound of women crying, and she realized those couple of tiny cells were gone. I was gone. And she felt relief.

But the relief didn’t last.

I’ve haunted her dreams for nearly twenty years. Mind you, that was never my intent.

She mourned me later in life as she continued learning and growing. She mourned who we both could have become.

Her entire life had been shattered, and she spent years trying to pick up the pieces. She let hatred fill her emptiness - hatred towards him, men, and mostly, herself. She hated herself for being so trusting, naive, and weak. She blamed herself for everything.

She took out the pain on herself, and even tried to end it all. But she persevered. She survived, and she conquered.

I’ve tried so many ways to tell her this, but I’m hoping you can tell her for me.

My name is Rhett, and I will never come to be.

And that’s okay.

I had only been in development for six weeks, so in terms of science, I was just an embryo. No bigger than a pea.

She made a tough choice in an impossible situation, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Why, you may ask, would I ever be okay with that?

She kept learning and growing, and she began to forgive herself. Eventually, she loved herself.

And that’s all I would have ever wanted for her, if I had come to be.

I’ve stopped haunting her dreams as much, but it seems a proper goodbye is a typical standard.

And with that, I wish her love - for herself, others, and in life.

Farewell.