HELEN

PROLOGUE

As my eyes open and shut, pain flashes through my body. I see walls, surrounding me, made of clay and stones. Where am I? My mind races. I take in my surroundings between the flutters of my heavy eyelids. Suddenly a searing pain in my head forces my eyes shut. I scream in pain, reaching for my head, something sticky is on my face. I pull my hand back and open my eyes. Trying to focus despite the agony, I see my hand, covered in dark red blood. I stare at it for a minute unable to process what I am seeing. I scream, my brain cannot function to do anything else. “She’s awake.” A voice speaks from outside the hut. Instinctually, I looked towards it. I see the door to the hut, hear hushed whispers from beyond it. Suddenly a woman rushes in, the only features I can make out in my haze, her long blonde hair and blue eyes. “It is okay.” She reassures me. She reaches for something besides the bed, a cloth, then dips it in a bowl. There’s brown, sticky looking stuff in it, and reaches for my head. “Where am I?” I forcefully stutter out. “Niflheim”, responds the woman, calmly as she reaches towards my head. The smell of the brown substance hits my nostrils. “What are you doing?” I gag, as I raise my arm to block hers. Pain sears through my arm and I screech in pain. I see spots of white shining through the red on my arm. I freeze, looking closer. My eyes focus more on my arm, bone is showing through chunks of my flesh that are torn to bits. Everything goes black as my head sinks back into the pillow beneath it. I drift off into a dreamland with memories of Jack.

CHAPER 1

Two weeks have passed since I woke up here, my injuries, still have not healed. I do not know what has happened to me or where my husband is. I am in what appears to be an undiscovered tribe in Greenland. The ladies who have been caring for me tell me they found me with a polar bear hovering over me. On the edge of death, with my husband nowhere in sight, they brought me here to save me. Oh jack, how I miss you. I fear the worst must have befallen you as well, but I pray you are safe somewhere. As I gaze at my reflection in the stream in front of me, part of me is glad you are not here to see me, I am a horror to my own eyes. The bandages cover the worst of it, but my twisted appearance shows through none the less. From what I can conclude, the polar bear must have attacked me, the left side of my face is covered in bandages. They are already wet with blood, even though Victoria just wrapped them this morning. She is a nice, young woman from the tribe. I have gotten to know her over the last 2 weeks, as she has tended to my wounds. I shudder as I look at the bandages covering my arm, remembering the look of it when I first woke up. My leg and torso have bandages as well, but I am too afraid to remove them. What a mess, that polar bear left. I am in constant pain, but it is getting better. Victoria wraps my wounds with a salve used for healing in this tribe. I am not sure what they put in it, the smell is revolting, like decaying flesh. It looks just as horrid, with its brown, congealed appearance. I am, however, thankful for it none the less, as it eases my pain. The land scape is unfamiliar to me. I am surrounded by a vast white landscape, with rolling mountains and trees towering over me. From the snow, I can only assume, I am still in Greenland. With its vast lands and such sparse populations, I have no clue where exactly this village could be though. I have only seen the members of this tribe in the last 2 weeks. They are kind and humble people, but refuse to take me back to civilization, as the trek through the wilderness is dangerous. My body is too damaged to make the attempt alone. I have decided it is in my best interest to allow the tribe to continue to care for me until I am fully healed and can figure out my bearings to attempt the trip. I have spent the majority of the last 2 weeks in Victoria’s hut. Today is the first day I have been outside and the cold wind stings as it hits my face. It feels nice. The cold numbs my body. I feel myself sway, weak still. I lean against the tree besides me for support. The haziness in my head has yet to subside since I first woke up. I feel almost in a daze. “You should be laying down!” Victoria states from behind me, startling me. I am not sure why I have been so jumpy; I just feel on edge. “I know but I wanted some fresh air and to move a bit.” I stutter back as she wraps my good arm around her neck, motioning me to come with her. “Can I walk a bit?” “You can hold me up.” I plead. “I just need to move my legs; they feel so stiff.” She contemplates it for a minute and responds, “I suppose it can’t hurt but if I say its time to come back you must obey.” I nod my head in agreement and we stagger downstream. We walk for a while without talking. The view does not change much as we walk. Trees, trees, more trees, and snow. Suddenly Victoria comes to a halt and says, “we must start heading back as we do not want to miss lunch, you need your strength.” As we turn to leave, I spot a huge tree, different from the others. There is a clearing around it, no snow covers it. Its as tall as a building, with branches thick and windy, spread out in a vast entanglement. It has no leaves, and the bark is a dark rich brown. Blue chunks scattered about, a moss threatening to overtake the rotting tree. There is a hole under the tree, A piercing black pit, appearing to lead to nowhere. It is beautiful, yet almost scary. I stop in my tracks. I feel as if it is pulling me closer. I pull my arm from around Victoria and limp closer. “This is an interesting tree, why is it blue?” I ponder. “that is Yggdrasil.” She answered. “It is said that Yggdrasil will forever stand half rotten, and that the hole at its base is the entrance to the true Niflheim.” “The realm of the dead and of the goddess HEL, who rules the underworld.” She insists.” “your town is named after the realm of the dead? How interesting.” I giggled. “it is no laughing matter!” Victoria declared suddenly.” The goddess HEL watches over our tribe and keeps us safe, in return we worship her.” “she is a just goddess, who protects all those that are willing to serve.” She snapped before she caught herself. “sorry” she apologized.” We are just raised to respect and fear the goddess HEL and your laughing had, for an instant offended me, though I know you are just ignorant to our ways.” “come and I shall take you to the hut and bring you some food.” She wrapped my arm back around her and we silently hobbled back to the tiny hut I have come to call home.

Back in the hut, I share with Victoria, I lay down and everything aches. The cold does not reach me anymore, its numbing effects subside. 2 weeks and I feel just as horrid as the day I woke up here. How long will it take me to heal? With each day that passes, I worry more about jack. What fate has befallen him? If he is okay, why hasn’t he come to find me? Is anyone looking for me? I am not expected back home for months. I close my eyes to escape the pain, flash back to a month ago, back in the states. I am lying in bed with jack next to me, its warm and our bed is soft. He flashes that heartwarming smile I love so much, as I snuggle closer. Oh, how I miss those big arms wrapped around me, so strong and yet so gentle. “I love you” he whispers in my ear as he kisses my neck. I smile to myself softly. I float threw memories of jack as a tear runs down my cheek. “will I ever see you again?’ I think to myself. Suddenly I am shaken out of my thoughts. Victoria has returned. “Dinner is ready” she proclaims. She helps me up, noticing my wet eyes asks, “are you ok?” “Yes.” I stamper. “I just miss my jack.” She pats me on the back. “I’m sure he’s safe somewhere and you’ll be reunited soon.” She reassures me. “thanks” I mutter back. She motions towards the door. “let’s go eat, you need your strength to heal.” We walk out the hut and head towards to center of camp. Everyone in camp eats together in a big tent set up with makeshift tables and chairs made from wood from the surrounding trees. There is a big fire pit in the middle, with stone slabs above the fire to cook the food they have collected. The village people take turns hunting and gathering supplies for the village to eat. Tomorrow Victoria oversees hunting, and I will be joining her. I am desperate to do anything but sit in the hut. Anything to give me some purpose. I must regain my strength and I feel more of it dwindle away every day as I lay in the hut. I have lost so much weight since arriving here. My muscles are damaged from the polar bear or weakened from lack of use. I focus on the little old lady cooking the food. The villagers use every bit of the animals they catch. Tonight, reindeer is on the menu, 3 of them. They already skinned them, their hides and antlers hang on the wall to be saved for later. They will use them to make clothes, jackets, bags and weapons. Four of the village women tenderize the deer meat and cut it to smaller pieces. They use makeshift tools, made from bone and rock. They rub a mixture of spices collected from local plants on the meat and throw it onto the stone slabs. They sizzle as the cold meat hits the hot stones. I watch the flames dance beneath the stone lost in the beauty of it. The flames dance, a masterpiece of red and orange, so gently flicking the stones with the tips of its arms. Reaching, hoping to engulf the stone in its abyss. So beautiful, the fire has always been calming to me. Even as a child, watching all it engulfs, turn to nothingness. Others find it disheartens them, but at least it warms the objects it chooses to take. One of the villagers brings a bowl with the head of a deer in it to Victoria, bringing my mind back to the present and away from the flames. Its blood, sloped around the bowl, slightly turning my stomach. “would you and our guest like to do the honor tonight and present the offering?” she asks. “It would be my honor” she responds, grabbing the bowl. She stands, walks towards the fire, motioning me to follow with a flick of her wrist. I follow, unsure of what we are about to do, tonight is the first night I have eaten with the village. I have been confined to the hut for most of my stay. We reach the center and Victoria picks up a stick with chimes made from bones at the end of it. As she picks it up the bones clank together making an odd melody. She waves the staff in the air and the melody continues; everyone turns to face us. There is an eerie feeling in the room as everyone watches me and Victoria. She lowers the staff. A cold breeze blows threw the room and, even with the fire behind me, I feel it down in my bones. “We all gather here tonight to enjoy our supper in the name of hel; Our protector, our provider, our goddess.” “she has provided this bounty for us to feast on tonight.”” We shall return the favor and offer her some nourishment as well.” In a swift move she slices her hand open with a sharp tooth on the staff. Blood wells up from the cut slightly and she turns her hand to squeeze it over the bowl. Her blood drips down and sparkles in the light of the fire. “All those wishing to partake please come forward, hel thanks you.” She nonchalantly says. Others come forward and repeat the process, soon the bowl is almost full of blood. I watch in horror but am unable to turn my eyes away. From my studies about different religions, I knew some religions still uphold these barbaric pagan ways of sacrifice, but to see it in person is somewhere between fascinating and scary. Suddenly Victoria turns to me, she grabs my hand and quickly slices it open. I winch from the shock, more so then the pain and out of reflex try to pull my hand back. She holds onto it with a tight grip squeezing it over the bowl. Shocked, I am not sure what to do, but she lets go a second later and I pull my hand back. The cut is not very deep, or painful, but I stand there unsure how to react. Lost in my own world of my thoughts, I zone out, but am brought back by a soft wrinkly hand grabbing mine. It is an old woman. The one that had been preparing the food. She wraps my hand gently with some gauze. “your first offering huh? “she inquires. “I remember my first time had me a little frightened as well, but you’ll be fine.” She reassures me. “they never cut deep enough to do any damage, just to get a few drops of blood.” “my name is Esmerelda.” She states.” I’m one of the village elders.” “we have been keeping an eye on your recovery since you arrived and are very happy you are doing so well.” “when I found you and that polar bear, I was worried you wouldn’t make it.”” We prayed to hel for your recovery and, as she always does, she provided everything we asked for.” “you found me?” I asked intrigued. “Did you see my husband jack as well?” I push “I haven’t heard anything about him.” “I’m so worried and fear the worst.” I proceed but, am cut off by Victoria. “we need to go bring our offering to hel before the feast, lets go.” She urges me, pulling my elbow to lead me towards the door. I remind myself I must find Esmerelda after and continue our discussion. We walk out to the edge of the village, to that big old tree we saw earlier. It looks even more creepy at night. The tree towers over us making me feel so tiny and frail. The moon barely shines threw its branches cascading the tree in almost complete darkness. Its long-twisted branches and dark recesses make me want to run as far away as I can. “wait here.” Victoria interjects. Interrupting my thoughts. “I shall make the offering alone, you may watch.” She proceeds to walk closer to the tree. “hel our goddess, provider of tonight’s bounty. I offer you this gift in hopes that you will continue to bless our community with your gifts.” She pauses as she has reached the edge of the hole in the tree. “though I am not permitted to enter your domain I request permission to place this offering at the threshold for you to enjoy.” She reaches towards the darkness and though my eyes have not adjusted to the darkness well I see what I can only make out as a shadow encircle the bowl and Victoria’s arm. The wind suddenly picks up almost knocking me off my feet I stumble forward catching myself just barely. When I regain my composure and glance up the bowl is gone. Vanquished into the darkness below the tree. Victoria walks towards me and offers her hand to help me up. “hel has accepted the offering, she is very pleased.” She exclaims. “we should head back to supper and enjoy the feast.” I am lost in my thoughts as we return to camp. What did I just see? Where did the bowl go? What is in that tree? I am ripped from my thoughts as Esmerelda approaches “how did the offering go?” “was she pleased?” she eagerly inquired. “YES.” “she has accepted our offering.” Victoria replies. “we may begin the feast.” Esmerelda hands a bowl to me as we head back to the center of the village. It smells so lovely. I am so hungry. “Wait” once again Victoria interrupts my thoughts. “We must first join the others.” The walk back to the village is short, my mind encompassed in the food I am about to eat. As we return, I begin devouring it so quickly I choke. Victoria laughs as I try to clear my throat. “Guess with all that walking you built up quite an appetite.” She giggles.

The sunrise shines threw the door as Victoria walks in. “rise and shine sleepy head.” She exclaimed. “time to get ready for the hunt.” lazily I stumble out of bed, stretching my limbs. She unwraps my bandages and washes my wounds clean. I no longer see bones shining white threw my flesh. At least I look a little less of a mess. She spreads the same slave over my wounds as she does every day. The horrid smell hits me, just as it always does, so revolting. She then wraps new gauze over my wounds concealing them from view. All but those on my face. The swelling has gone down finally, and all my vision has returned so she leaves it uncovered. I wonder if it will scar. God how would jack bear to be seen with me. Such a hideous sight. No longer the young beauty he married. Mindlessly, I follow her out of the hut, as we head towards the woods. I float away in my thoughts of jack. Remembering the day, we got married. He looked stunning in his black suit with his scarlet tie. His black hair cut tidy against his face. His bread trimmed cleaner than I had ever seen it before. A smile spreads across his face as his eyes meet mine. I can see his eyes shine from across the church. My father dressed in a suit beside me, a sight I had never seen. Nor have I seen it since. I wrap my arm around his as he leads me down the aisle. My white dress brushes the floor with every step. As I approach the alter my father leans in for a gentle kiss on my cheek. He hugs me softly and smiles. He takes his seat, I face jack, as he stares into my eyes. The minister begins to read. His words do not matter only jacks loving expression keeps my attention. He addresses jack asking if he accepts my hand in marriage. Without hesitation he says “yes”. His smile bigger than it was before. The minister then turns to me to ask the same. I can barely hold my excitement back as I restlessly wait for him to finish. “yes” I squeak trying not to yell. We giggle and the minister tells us we are now man and wife. Now jack can kiss his bride. He pulls me close and kisses my teeth, I cannot help but smile. He wraps his arms around me, sweeps me off my feet in such a graceful motion, and carries me outside to our getaway car. Drops me back to my feet as he kisses me excitedly. Sweeps my door open as his arm welcomes me to take a seat. He tucks the long train of my dress into the seat and gently closes the door. He slides across the hood and hops in the driver’s seat. “You ready baby?” he exclaims. “Can’t change your mind after this.” He smirks, his mouth so gently lifted on one side. I smile back as he turns the key and revs the engine. “I’ll follow you forever my love. “I professed. He hit the gas and we rush off into the sunset.

“SHHHHHHHHHH”” We are getting close”. My mind snaps back to reality. Victoria is motioning me towards a tree. Others have joined us. All is silent. She has a bow in hand, loading the arrow slowly as she stretches her hand back so effortlessly. She takes aim and fires. Like a bolt of lightning her arrow soars threw the sky. A large black bird falls from the tree like a rock. One of the other group members comes and collects it silently. Victoria motions us to walk forward. The group follows her command without hesitation. Swiftly we walk threw the forest. The rustle of some bushes catches Victoria’s attention as she swiftly turns toward me and draws her bow once again. Pointed directly at me! I freeze, as I am about to protest, she lets it go. I close my eyes expecting my life to be over in a second. The arrow flies past my ear with a whistle. A thud behind me startles me. I open my eyes as I turn to see a polar bear laying on the ground behind me. I stumble Back. “thanks” I stutter. She places her finger on her lips, motioning me to remain quiet, as a big man with brunette hair comes and swings the carcass over his shoulder. We continue through the woods, collecting more animals. 2 deer, 3 more black birds, and an ox!

Its now midday. The sun shines bright in the sky. Satisfied with our bounty, Victoria invites us all to return to the village. My muscles ache and I wonder towards the back of the group, my pace slowing with my injuries. As we reach the village, I am behind everyone else. Slowly hobbling towards the clearing in the forest. I hear a whisper from the forest. “Helen”. I stop, confused. Slowly I turn back towards the forest, scanning the trees for a source. Victoria grabs my elbow gently and I jump.” Didn’t mean to startle you.” She proclaims. “Come, you should get some rest.”

Chapter 2

Its been a month and I am still here. My wounds have healed more. I do not have to wear my bandages anymore. I have become more accustomed to my new appearance. My face is the hardest to accept. Once a beauty, with skin like porcelain, now a mess of scars and wounds. A stark contrast from just a month prior.” At least your still alive.” That is what I keep telling myself. I still dwell on my jack every day. The undeniable proof, he is probably dead, has become more prevalent in my mind. I try to drown it out, not ready to accept that fate could be so cruel, only married 3 months. How could fate choose to take my only love, so quick. He was the light of my life. A soul made so perfect for me. I still have my ring, luckily the polar bear did not rip up that hand. The stone; so lovely. It sparkles, a rainbow of color before my eyes. Its midday. Lunch will be ready soon. I have the day off. Rest, they told me, but how can I rest with my mind such a mess. So many strange things have happened since my arrival here. I ignore them, I just want to get out of here. Lately Victoria talks about the village and my life here as if I am never going to leave. I must get back to my life, back to the states. Find out what happened to my poor jack, some closure, would make this easier to put to rest. My mind, racing with thoughts of him, still hopes to be reunited. What if he is home already? Does he think I am dead? Has he tried to move on? I picture all the women in his life. My jack, in the arms of another, comforting him in my demise. Caressing his strong shoulders, like I used to do. A simple kiss on the cheek, a friend comforting another. In his grief, it leads to more. He kisses her, tears in his eyes. The grief takes over and he takes her as his own. His gentle touch no longer my own. My heart aches. A pain rises in my chest, deep from within. I try to swallow but my throats to dry. The pain, my own mind has brought upon itself, wells up from my chest. My stomach turns.

I am awakened from my thoughts by a gentle hand on my shoulder. A gentleman from the village interrupts my thoughts. “would you like to sit with me for lunch?” he questions. He is a giant of a man, towering over me. An inquisitive furrow in his brow. Brown eyes just like my jacks. A sea of amber to catch my eyes, as they glisten in the sunlight. “My names Balderus.” He continues,” I have seen you around the village recently and your beauty amazes me. “I blush. A compliment? I chuckle to myself, is this man mad? Only a fool would see beauty in this misshapen body I now reside. “Thank you for the compliment; and the offer to join you.” I respond. “However, I am married, and I would prefer to honor my husband.” “I will sit with the ladies as I always do.” “As you wish.” He replies with a slight frown upon his lips. He turns to walk away but stops. “If you ever change your mind, my offer still persists.” He interrupts my thoughts once more. “A lovely woman like you, I would never pass up the chance for even a moment of your time.” He continues,” May the goddess hel send nothing but good fortune to you, as you mourn your husbands’ demise.” May she bring nothing but happiness to your future.” He quickly turns and in a swift motion collects a flower from the bush beside us. He hands me the flower, turning my wrist so my hand faces him, a soft kiss against the skin on the back of my hand. “Oqaatsit ataasiinaat naammanngillant” he whispered as he let my fingers slide from his.” Asavakkit”. “I don’t understand,” I stamper, as he turns and walks away. Suddenly Victoria appears out of the forest.” He’s got a thing for you, that’s for sure.” She exclaims. “What on earth do you mean?” I stumble on my words. “I am a married woman.” She smirks ever so slightly. “What did he say?” I inquire. “He said, one language is never enough, I love you.” She retorts, a smirk still on her lips, I blush. “Oh, how silly of him.”. Her brow furrows with my response. “What if your husband is gone?” she abruptly interjects. Puzzled, I take a step back. “I would rather not think about that,” I protest. “A love like mine and jacks is one for the ages; Never will it end.” “Even death couldn’t keep us apart.”” It is true, some love is never meant to end.” She responds, a glimmer in her eye, as if she is contemplating a lover from the past. “Our bodies, however, are just mortal.”” Eventually we all come to an end, our bodies cold, to lay in the dirt.” Such a dark outlook, it catches me by surprise. Just as I am about to inquire further, we are interrupted. “Almost time for lunch.” A young child states.

In the center of the village, once again, I face the large stones slabs. So unfamiliar to me just 2 weeks ago, but now a prime part of my day. Huge fish, with bright red bellies, lay across the stone slabs. Arctic char, I am told is their name. Over a foot in length each, at least 8lbs, 15 of them being tediously prepared for the feast. I watch, enthralled. One of the women, chops the head off the fish, in a swift motion. Then she slices the blade down its belly, so meticulously, cutting the fish in half. Its pinkish, orange flesh, appears to copy that of salmon. She cuts slowly against the raw flesh, cutting the spinal bones from the meat. A rhythmic clicking sound emanates as the blade slides past the bones. In a sweeping motion, she then removes the bones of the rib cage. A fish fillet, just like those from the store, now before my eyes. She takes a tool, like tweezers in appearance, and pulls small bones from the length of the flesh. With a quick rinse in a bucket beside her and a sprinkle of some spices, she sets it aside to be cooked. I watch her and the other woman repeat this process until all the fish are ready.

As we eat Victoria and a few of the other women from the tribe discuss tomorrow’s celebration. Valisblot, a Norse holiday, like valentine’s day from what I have gathered. A huge feast, with many rituals, to bring love from the shadows. Sounds almost gloomy to me. Why is love in the shadows, always hiding. Just like my poor Jack, his existence just beyond my reach. Drifting in the shadows, a lost soul, waiting for me. The thought brings me pain. I have barely touched my food lost in my thoughts. “Would you like me to wait for you?” Victoria interrupts my thoughts. “No, I will be alright.” I reply. “Go and get some rest, I will join you shortly.” She turns and leaves. Just me and a few people remain, finishing our food. Balderus is among them, his gaze so steady as it burns threw me. Why is he watching me I wonder? Maybe its just my mind playing its tricks on me. Just a misinterpretation of a simple glance. I focus on my food. The artic char is so tasty. Remarkably like salmon, but I have only eaten a few bites. Its pink, slightly charred appearance makes my mouth water. It’s been such a busy day. I know I need to eat, but thoughts of my Jack circle my mind threatening to suffocate me with their existence. I think of his gentle kisses against my neck as he whispers in my ear, “mi amor”. His lips so soft as they brush my skin, sending sparks through my whole body. His gentle touch as he brushes his hands up the center of my back. His hand gently cups my chin as he pulls my face closer to his. Our lips gently brush against each other, a tease of what is to come. Suddenly I am shaken from my thoughts. Balderus stands beside me. His hand gently rests on my shoulder. “Are you alright?” He asks gently. “I am fine” I respond, “Just a little lost in my thoughts.” He sits beside me. His scent takes me over. A sultry mix between the flames of a campfire and a musk that is enticing. Such a manly smell. It overwhelms my senses as he draws near. “What is on your mind?” He inquires. “You can tell me.” A slight grin spreads across his lips. “You can tell me anything.” He continues, “I will keep your secrets till the grave.” He leans in closer to me. My thoughts are a mess once again. He smells so nice and I long for his soft lips against mine. It has been over a month since I have seen my Jack, I crave the touch of a man. Some comfort in these unsure times. What if my Jack is still alive, waiting for me? I should not give into temptation. As my thoughts wonder once again, I am suddenly brought back to reality by a gentle hand on my lower back. “It is okay if you do not wish to share your thoughts” He whispers, as he begins to gently slide his fingers up my back. “I can still provide you some comfort as you shift through your worries my dear.” He leans in closer; his lips gently brush my jaw as he finds my ear in the dark. “Would you like to walk with me?” He asks, guiding me to my feet in an elegant motion. He takes my hand and leads me to the forest. In silence we walk for a few minutes, my mind still clinging to the feel of his lips against my skin. We stop amongst a clearing in the forest. The moonlight shines behind him illuminating his figure. He is a tall strong man. His muscles prominent even in the darkness. How I long to touch them. Feel them wrapped around me, holding me close.