Hard Decisions

I had no idea today was going to be this tough. This morning in the cafeteria I saw Big Rube and he looked furious. DD, KenKen, Caesar, Big Stacey, and Trevor were all gathered around Rube as I walked up.

Me: “Big Rube what’s good?”

Big Rube: “Man this dude keep talkin’”

Me: “What you mean? Who keep talkin’?”

Big Rube: “Oh, you ain’t been on the gram?”

Me: “Naw, my mom took my phone this weekend so I don’t know what’s going on.”

Big Rube: “Slim, dude in Ms. J’s class that went to Kipp last year, keep talking trash about my sister. He said that they went out this past summer and she let him do all types of stuff. I can’t even talk about it man, ‘cause I get heated just thinkin ‘bout it.”

Me: “That’s crazy, dude mad disrespectful. What you gonna do?”

Big Rube: “I’ma meet this ninja at the corner after school. He’s a walker and I’ma run up on him and see what he got to say for himself.”

Caesar jumped in and said, “We gon run up. We got yo back Rube.”

Everyone nodded and agreed with “Yes” and “Yes sir” and fists into palms. It was like a mob rallying together and getting hype for no reason. It was only 8 o’clock. I nodded too because everybody else was getting hype and also because I’ve known Big Rube and Neicey for a while. He was one of the first people to welcome me to the neighborhood and I have always had a little crush on Neicey though I would never tell anyone. She had dimples like Lauren London and a smile to match. Her eyes were the kind you would stare at because they sparkled so much. From one angle they were a rich amber and from another they looked like jade. When Big Rube informed me about Slim, I was pretty upset and I wanted to be there for my boy and Neicey. But the situation wasn’t that simple. Apparently Big Rube omitted some information from the story but I wouldn’t find that out until later that day.

The suspense was building and people wanted to know how it would all go down after school. Everyone’s prediction was that Big Rube was going to win the fight. His brother, who went to JP a while back, was legendary. He was known for his hands, not in school, but in the ring. Rube’s brother has been training as a boxer since he was 10. Given that his brother is quite formidable and most kids are afraid of him, everyone perceived Big Rube to be about the same. We don’t call him Big Rube for nothing. I wasn’t much of a fighter myself because I got along with almost everybody and never needed to use my hands, but I was gonna be there for my friend.

Then lunch happened. On my way to lunch, I stop by the media center to drop off an iPad and I see Neicey.

Neicey: “Hey Malcolm.”

Me: “Hey” (I know we cool but she still, she still makes me nervous.)

Neicey: “Whatcha doin?”

Me: “Oh, nothin, bout to go to lunch. I heard about ya boy Slim talking trash. You brother says he’s gonna handle dat.”

Neicey: “Oh, I don’t mess with Slim no more. He’s petty and too sensitive. My brother is trippin too. I told him already that wasn’t Slim. His cousin hacked his account and sent those messages and posted. I think my brother just wants to beat him up because he don’t like Slim. Over the summer when Slim would come over to watch TV and stuff, my mom talked about how my brother should be more like Slim. My mom can be a bit abrasive with her comments. She just said that because Slim was always super duper nice and respectful to her. After a while, my mom just wore Rube down with her comments and he would get heated every time she said something. That’s really why he don’t like Slim. This thing he doin right now ain’t cool, but he won’t listen to me.”

We talked all the way through lunch and I had to go to class.

Me: “Aight Neicey, Ima talk to you later. And I’m gonna talk to Rube. He shouldn’t be fighten for no reason”

I didn’t have class with him so I was gonna try to catch him in the hallway. That plan was a bust though because I couldn’t stay awake in Math or Science today. For whatever reason the teachers wanted to do a lot of lecturing or maybe I just couldn’t focus. Between missing breakfast and lunch and the teachers’ talking, my eyes could not stay open. I slept through any opportunity I had to talk to Rube.

The school bell rang and students flooded the hallways. If you weren’t careful you could get run over. I was famished because I didn’t eat lunch or breakfast. I wasn’t rushing to get anywhere at first and then I quickly remembered I had to be somewhere that day, the corner. I race down the hallway and make a mad dash through the doors, across the parking lot and to the corner.

Slim: “I didn’t say nothin about your sister.”

Big Rube: “What you mean? I saw the dms and the posts.”

Slim: “That wasn’t me and I told you that already but you ain’t trying to hear dat.”

Big Rube: “I’m done talkin”

Wam! Big Rube hits Slim square in the jaw and Slim stumbles backward and falls. Rube lunges forward and keeps hitting him. Slim holds his arms up trying to block the shots. Then Caesar jumps in and hits Slim too. The next thing you know, it’s a gang of my friends stomping on this one kid. I’m frozen. Jumping in just doesn’t feel like the right thing to do. Then I hear a whistle blow, and it’s Coach Everheart. Everyone scatters. I run too. When I turned back, I could see Coach Everheart picking Slim up and walking him back to the school. I turn back around and my run turns into a walk and before I know it, I’m standing at my front door and looking down the street. I see Big Rube, Caesar, and DeDe together, but I just walk into my house.

The next day, I get up feeling heavy. I could barely sleep. All I could think about is my friends jumping on Slim. When I walked into my house yesterday, I felt like they were all looking at me and judging. Today my walk was icey, not because it was cold outside, but because I walked alone. I saw Big Rube and Neicey but Rube didn’t wait for me today.

During Mindful meditation this morning, I just stayed quiet and really tried the deep breathing. I couldn’t focus though because my friends made it clear that they weren’t talking to me and that was all I could think about. I tried to focus on the breathing but thoughts just kept racing through my mind. As the day progressed, I heard that all of them were called to the office and it was a matter of time before it was me. I asked for a pass to the restroom during English and just walked the hall until I finally sat down by the lockers.

Ms. Tiff: “Whatcha doin baybe?”

Ms. Tiff was from New Orleans so the way she said baby always made me smile but not today.

Me: “Good morning Ms. Tiff.”

Ms. Tiff: “ Aight now you gotta get out my hallway. I’ve got work to do.”

Me: “Can I just sit here for a minute? I’m just not feelin well.”

Ms. Tiff “What’s gotcha down?”

I talk to Ms. Tiff from time to time but I wasn’t sure about today. Then she smiled and, holding her push broom, she said, “Whatever is bothering you is nothing you can’t get through. Just you being here tells me that.”

Me: “They might call me to the office about that fight that happened yesterday and I don’t want no parts of that. My friends aren’t talking to me so I’m looking like a punk and I don’t want to get in trouble because I was there and I don’t want to say anything to the principal because I’m not a snitch, and…”

Ms. Tiff: “Slow down honey, don’t race your thoughts with your words.”

Me. “I don’t think my friends are talking to me because I didn’t jump in the fight yesterday. I mean Big Rube was handling it so he didn’t need my help. Not to mention, everyone else jumped in.”

Ms. Tiff: “Oh, I see.”

Me. “Then I heard everybody is getting in trouble and I don’t want to get called to the office. What if I have to say what happened; I don’t wanna be a snitch. This is so frustrating because Big Rube is one of my real friends and I completely flaked on him. I’m so messed up right now.”

Ms. Tiff. “That’s tough, sounds like you had a hard day yesterday, and now you are having a hard morning.”

Me: “Rube can’t be mad at me because I didn’t do anything. I mean it’s not like he was getting beat up and I just let it happen. In fact, he’s wrong. He shouldn’t have been fighten that boy. Everybody doesn’t know, but I know the real reason they fought. I wish I would have gotten to Rube before the end of the day. Also, I’m not going to speak against my friends, I’m gonna talk to them. We can get this straight; we are better than this. Really half them dudes that fought yesterday don’t even know Rube like that; they were just ridin the wave. That’s just not who I am.”

Ms. Tiff: “Well, it seems like you got it figured out. Just remember, be you cause can’t nobody be you except you and you are pretty awesome so if you think you were being your best self no matter the cost, then that’s all that matters.”

Me: “Thanks Ms. Tiff”

Later that day I see Rube walking home by himself. Neicey must have had practice. Since nobody is around this is the perfect time for me to talk to him.

Me: “Rube, wait up.”

Big Rube: “Naw, I’m good.”

Me: “Wait up, we need to talk for real.”

Big Rube: “ I thought you would have learned by now when one fights we all fight. That’s code.”

Me: “I hear you, and if you needed me I would have been there but you didn’t need me. I was trying to catch you before it happened, but I was too late.”

Big Rube: “What you mean?”

Me: “Neicey told me what really happened this summer.”

Big Rube: “Neicey got a big mouth.”

Me: “Listen, that’s between you and Neicey. I just know that you know he didn’t send those messages so why did you fight him?”

Big Rube: “I don’t know man. He just erks my soul.”

Me: “I get it, you don’t like him, but that’s not a reason to fight. Plus you got everyone else involved. I mean you gotta admit that was messed up.”

Big Rube: “ I don’t need no lecture from you.”

Me: “I’m not trying to lecture you. I just wanted you to know that even though you mad at me right now, I’m still good with you. I think you were wrong, but that doesn’t mean I’m not gonna be there for you when you need me. I’m just not gonna be the friend that helps you do wrong. You feel me?”

Big Rube: “I guess I can respect that. It did get out of hand. I just let the rush take over and then we went too far.”

Me: “Aight so we good?”

Big Rube: “ We good”

Me: “What’s gonna happen with the fight?”

Big Rube: “ I think everybody got like two days, but since I started it, I might get expelled. I have to go to tribunal.

Me: “ Dang, that’s messed up. Well, I hope you get a second chance. Oh, and I won’t tell nobody what your sister told me.

Big Rube: “Preciate that. I hope I can come back too and thanks. You know, for not telling nobody.”