Guinevere

Even in the darkest of times one can always find the light within.

The shrill cries of a baby erupted through the stone walls of Eros. A young woman, barely older than twenty years, lay writhing in pain, alone, and with only the sins of her soul to deliver her first and only child. It was a short labor, shorter than her mother and her mother’s mother had. How much she yearned to have her mother with her in this moment. She had no one to guide her as she delivered her baby in the hidden basement of her home, in the hopes no one would hear or see. Like many of the things in her life the baby’s birth caught her off guard. Her baby was three weeks early and decided to arrive in the dead of night, just before midnight. She was small, smaller than she should be, with barely a tuft of hair growing from her head. But she appeared healthy. Her skin was pink and plush, her heart strong.

“Stay silent little one.” she pleaded, as if the baby could understand her words.

As she held the tiny human being in her arms she touched her small red face with the tips of her finger, not truly believing she could be real or this beautiful. The baby let out a small cry but the woman only held her close. No one could hear them, no one could know. She had to protect her.

“Shhhh.” She rocked her gently, singing soft lullabies in the dark. The basement was damp and musty, only a single candle was lit beside her; just enough light to flood onto their faces. Between her legs she felt a dull aching pain but in her heart she only knew joy and awe. This tiny thing, this little baby, was the most beautiful sight she had ever laid her eyes on. Her soft pink nose and smooth forehead were perfect, she was perfect. The woman’s mother always told her there was no greater love than a mother has for her children.

Greater than the love you feel for your husband, for your passions. Your child becomes the only love that matters.

She was right. Nothing else mattered. Her heart felt like it would explode with love and awe. This baby was her proudest moment, the best thing she had ever created.

After the crying subsided the baby wriggled in her mother’s grasp, anxious to feel the warmth and security of her arms.

“I’m right here.” She soothed. “Mama’s here.”

At that moment her little daughter moved her head toward the sound of her mother’s voice and slowly opened her eyes. They were a deep emerald green, the color of moss on the forest’s edge, so bright you could see hints of gold scattered across the surface. They were color of her eyes. The woman felt an immediate bond form between the two of them. To carry a child is one thing, to bear one is another. To hold her in your arms, and feel they are real, the connection was immediate; earth shattering. The rest of the world could be in chaos but in this moment, it was only the two of them.

The two locked eyes and tears began to flow down the woman’s face. Her heart beat so fast in her chest, the adrenaline still pumping through her veins from the birth. It beat so loud she swore the entire world would hear. She took her pointer finger and touched the baby’s soft arm, tracing her skin all the way to her fingers. As if the infant knew what her mother was hoping for, she watched as she enclosed her newborn fingers around her mother’s. She held her finger tightly in her hand, grasping on to the one who gave her this life.

The baby’s emerald green eyes glittered in the candlelight like nothing she had ever seen. The cries had stopped for good it seemed and then the silence crept in. The woman rocked her slowly back and forth, watching her closely for any signs of distress, but there were none. The quiet was calming, and her daughter sensed it. After one final look at her mother, the baby closed her eyes contently and drifted off into dreamland. Her breathing steadied as her mother held her close. If only this moment could last a lifetime.

“It’s only you and me.” She whispered. The reality of that statement resonated within her, but she was too exhausted to think on it. It was only moments later when she too fell asleep, her tiny baby still in her arms.

***

A few hours later a creak in the aged wooden floor above her jolted the woman awake. Her child was still in her arms and the sudden movement startled her. She began to cry, not as loud as before but loud enough to alert someone of their hiding place. The woman’s heart raced in her chest. No, no, no, no.

“Please.” She whispered. “Quiet.”

She pulled the baby up to her chest and rubbed her back soothingly, like her mother used to do to her as a child. Her mother always knew what to do. If only she could be with her now.

Breathe, Fiona. She attempted to calm herself. Just breathe. She had a plan for this. You know what you have to do.

She held the baby in one arm and the candle in the other, and slowly shuffled to the wardrobe on the far side of the room. Inside lay a small bassinet with blankets and a small doll she had bought only yesterday. When she had bought the doll she had no idea her baby would come only hours later.

Another creak upstairs.

She needed to hurry. Fiona rushed the crying baby into the crib, and swaddled her tightly with blankets to keep her from catching a chill. With a swift kiss on her forehead she said a short prayer for protection and slowly eased the wardrobe door shut. Her heart cracked open in her chest as she watched her child wriggle around aimlessly, lost without the arms of her mother, but she had to do this, she had to protect her. Fiona hoped it would be enough to muffle the baby’s cries. That was the plan. It would work, it had to.

Someone was upstairs. If she was lucky they would not think to move the carpet from the corner of her kitchen. Underneath they would find a square two foot latch, just small enough to hide in plain sight but large enough for a pregnant woman eight months along to slide inconspicuously through. The ladder in the corner of the basement led right to the hatch. It was invisible in the dark surrounding her but she knew it was there.

Every couple seconds the floorboards would creak. The human being right above her head was walking around her small eating room. She did not have much. A kitchen, a room with a table and chairs, and a bedroom with a washroom and toilet in the corner. Upstairs she heard their footsteps start toward the kitchen. Her baby still cried softly, but the sounds were muffled just as she had hoped. If she could barely hear them in the basement, the intruder upstairs surely would not hear a thing.

Fiona’s breath was ragged, catching on the knot in her chest. Her stomach tossed and turned and she immediately felt nauseas. Perhaps this was from giving birth. Her mother never went into too many details of what happens to your body when you have a baby, only the special moments you share afterward. These were not the moments Fiona had hoped for for her and her child, hiding in secret in her cold basement with no one to protect them. She would protect her baby, though, with every fiber of her being, until her last breath. On the table nearby Fiona grasped the fire poker she had brought from upstairs. It was the only weapon she had in her home. She hoped it would be enough.

The woman held it tightly in her hands and pressed it against her chest. It was cool against her sweating forehead. Her grip was so tight her knuckles turned white. Fiona forced herself to take deep breaths, it was the only way to calm her racing pulse.

They were standing right next to the hatch. She knew that much. Fiona could hear them shuffling next to her cabinets, pacing almost. Then she heard the ruffle of a carpet being tossed aside and the cracks of knee joints as the person crouched to inspect the secret door. Her arms erupted with goosebumps and every hair on her body stood on end. She might just vomit. They undoubtedly were after her baby. Fiona Tanwen did not have frequent house callers. Somehow they discovered the truth. They knew who she was and what she had done; they knew everything. If they came down she would have no choice. There was no other way; she had to protect her child.

The click and jolt of the handle on the hatch sent chills down her spine. Her hands shook with fear. They were coming and there was nothing she could do to stop them.

Fiona inched closer, slowly moving along the wall to where the person would climb down the ladder. Their back would be to her, luckily they would have no idea she was behind them, waiting.

The hatch flung open. For a moment the person stood atop, probably staring down into the dark of the basement wondering how a woman could be so stupid as to hide in a place where she had no escape.

A boot, then another. The buckles clanked together, echoing in the silence of the room. Fiona noticed a dagger in a holder on the person’s right boot. Noted. He began his descent, slowly, quietly, as if he did not want to surprise anyone. In the dim light she began to see his physique, a man of moderate build, with a large burly coat to protect him from the harshness of the winter. His hair was long, ragged. He reminded her of someone but her mind went blank as soon as he stepped foot on the basement floor. Fiona lunged toward him, her fire poker moving through the air like lightning.

“What the bloody— ”

Her body froze, instantly recognizing their voice, but her arms kept moving. Just as the poker was about to smash into the intruder’s face he reached a large hand up and caught it in mid air, inches from his nose. They locked eyes. Fiona’s immediately began to fill with tears.

“Ray?” Her voice broke at the sight of him. Raymond Stone, her best friend. He slowly lowered the poker to the ground, watching her with wide eyes as if she was a feral cat ready to pounce on its prey. After shutting the hatch closed he turned to her. She probably looked insane. Drenched with sweat, hiding in her basement, a fire poker in hand.

“Are you tryin to kill me woman?” His eyes were wide with surprise. “I didn’t think a skinny broad like you could wield such a weapon as that?” His accent was strong and familiar. She immediately felt comfort having him here.

“I-I thought you were…” She shook her head, relieved. They were safe.

Her thoughts immediately went to the wardrobe. She raced away from him and opened the door. Her angel was sleeping perfectly in her small bed, soothed from the darkness of the hiding place. She took the small baby in her arms and turned to Ray. His expression immediately changed when he lay eyes on the small baby.

“Oh my… is that?” He took a step closer to her, eager to see the little one.

“She sure is.” Fiona stepped toward him.

Ray ushered the two of them over to the blankets she had fallen asleep on only hours before. His face was a mixture of nervousness and excitement as he sat down with her, only about a foot away. Her baby wriggled in her arms, trying to get comfortable. She made tiny sounds here and there, the most adorable little noises. Fiona immediately stowed them away in her memory, knowing she surely would not hear them forever.

They sat together in silence for a few moments, enjoying each other’s company.

Ray watched the baby in awe.

“She’s beautiful.” He sighed. “Just like her mother.”

Fiona blushed from the compliment. She went from her child’s face to Ray’s, and could not help but smile. This moment she would remember forever. Raymond was such a hard man, rarely did he show any emotion at all. Yet right now, it felt as though she could read every thought in his head just by his expression. He smiled at the baby, laughing once in a while when she would let out a soft cry or hiccup. His face lit up with joy just from watching her. Ray was a handsome one, with the scruff of a beard barely poking through; just how he liked it, for the ladies, he would always say. She was only a few years older than him, but it always felt like he was the older, more mature one. Always taking care of her . They had been friends since she could remember. He was her rock, habitually grounding her even when all she wanted to do was drift away. With her mother gone, Ray was everything. Now, it would be the three of them.

“Do you want to hold her?” Fiona asked. Ray seemed surprised by this offer.

“Oh I don’t know if I should Fi. She’s such a wee lass. What if I break her.” He shook his head, obviously nervous.

“Don’t be silly, here.” Slowly and gently Fiona handed her baby to the man she would trust her life with. Carefully, he took the baby from her hands. She looked so incredibly small in his large arms. The infant must have realized she was not in the arms of her mother. Shortly after she began to wriggle and let out short little cries. Ray’s brow furrowed in concern.

“Oh no… Here.” He reached to hand her back to Fiona.

“Shh my love.” Fiona reached over and touched the baby’s soft forehead. “Just rock her a little. She’ll calm.”

Ray still looked quite terrified but in minutes the baby was already quiet. She stared at the large man above her with curious eyes, blinking every few seconds; in awe that a being could be so large.

“Her eyes…” Ray took a moment to glance up at Fiona.

“I know.” Fiona smiled lovingly as she watched the infant. It was a beautiful scene to see and experience in the silence of the dimly lit room.

“Hello there little lady.” Ray grinned as he rocked her. “I’m a friend of your mama’s.”

Fiona smiled. Her entire world was squeezed into the small space in front of her. It was terrifying yet comforting at the same time. In a moment she could lose them both. How fleeting life can be, yet it gives you moments like these.

He held the child for a few minutes longer before handing her back to Fiona. The babe began to fuss, her face turning a fierce red as she built up the strength to let out a loud cry. Their ears burned from the sound.

“What do you think she wants?” Fiona pulled the infant close, and began to bob her up and down, a feel attempt to calm her. They still had to be careful, people could be looking for them.

“I reckon she’s probably hungry… here.” Ray grabbed a blanket from nearby and folded it into a triangle. “Hold her at your chest.” He instructed and she did so. He wrapped the two of them in the blanket so the baby was cradled against her and tied the two ends behind Fiona’s neck. It was like a small hammock.

Fiona began to nurse the infant. She had heard rumors this would be the hardest part but all now proved false. Her little babe latched right on and calmed immediately. She covered herself with the remainder of the blanket Ray had provided and leaned carefully against the stone wall behind her. Her baby would be fed, safe and sound. She could finally take a breath.

“How did you know that?” She glanced at the man before her. Ray had no children of his own yet, but she knew he longed for them.

“When my sister was born I helped our mother a lot since Aridam was too busy with dad doing more important things.” The disdain in his voice was apparent. At the mention of Ari, Fiona fell quiet. She squeezed the baby in her arms a little tighter, as if she might slip away.

A few quiet moments passed between them before Ray spoke.

“Does he know?” Ray’s voice was heavy, and he could not meet her gaze. This was a question he had been waiting to ask, she could tell.

Fiona looked away, afraid if she spoke the words out loud it would make the nightmare real.

“No.”

Silence lay heavy in the dark room. The candle was almost down to the last of the wick. It flickered and hissed in the quiet of the night. Fiona’s heart beat so heavily in her chest it hurt. It used to hurt for the man she once loved and the memories they shared. Now it broke for her baby who will never, and could never know who her father was.

“He’s going to find out Fi. This is dangerous. He’s going to be Premier in a fortnight for God’s sake.”

“He left me almost eight months ago. I never told him, I was barely a month along. He never has to know.”

Ray shook his head and let out a sigh of frustration. She studied his face and could see the wheels turning in his head. He was always trying to solve everyone’s problems.

“You should leave Eros.” He said, pain clear in his eyes. He did not really want her to go, but it might be their only chance. “It isn’t safe for you here anymore. Either of you.”

He might be right…

Fiona shook her head, banishing the thought away. Eros was a place of adventure, and she wanted her daughter to experience it, just as she did.

“This is our home. I’m not going to run.”

“You’re being stubborn.” He argued back. “This is serious.”

“I know.”

They were both silent for a moment before Fiona let out a shaky sigh, her breath catching in her throat.

“I can do this. I’ll protect her.”

“Fi…” Ray shook his head. “You may be a fire of a woman but not much can protect you from the the Premier’s Guard. They’re ruthless.”

Doubt itched in the pit of her stomach. She could feel her baby finish nursing and nestle deep into her abdomen, maybe she remembers the safety of her mother’s womb, maybe she yearns for that again. She uncovered herself to look at the infant. She only wiggled for a few moments more until she felt comfort and drifted off to sleep again. It was a magical sight, watching something so small and fragile fall asleep. Her heart beat slowed ever so slightly, her breathing easy and relaxed.

“I’m not going to change your mind am I.” Ray knew her better than anyone. He sometimes knew her better than she knew herself. Asking her to leave her home was just his way of trying to do the impossible. He stared at her and waited for her to speak. His brow was wrinkled, concern etched deep into the lines of his face. He was a twenty four year old man, barely a man even, barely having time to grow up himself. Now the weight of the world has just been thrust upon his shoulders.

“I want her to grow up here. This is her home.” Fiona said, sighing heavily. “Ari has deprived me of so much already. I refuse to let him take away anything else.”

“I don’t want anything to happen to you.” He met her gaze for a moment and immediately looked down. For that split second she thought she saw tears glisten in his deep almond eyes. They have always been close, the best of friends, but right now it felt like something more. A deeper bond. They had never had a romantic relationship, but right now her heart swelled with love for him. They sat in silence for what felt like hours before he finally looked up and met her eyes. He reached forward and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. Instead of letting his hand drop he let it stay there, resting at the base of her neck. Ray studied her face, memorizing every inch. Fiona’s deep green eyes watched him carefully.

“I’ll protect you.” He said finally.

“I can’t ask that of you.” She shook her head. “I could never forgive myself if—”

“Fi,” He held the side of her neck gently, his thumb massaging the base of her cheek. “I will protect you.” He said again. Then Ray looked at the baby in her arms. “Both of you.”

He looked like a young boy in love, determined to save them from all things dark and evil. Her eyes filled with tears. Raymond wiped them away with his hand and kissed her on the forehead. She knew he would do anything to keep them safe, and that is what scared her the most, but for the first time in forever she did feel safe. Ray was a Stone, and his brother Aridam would be Premier, the ruler of Eros. His position would surely help them. They would be able to live in secret, they had to.

“Now,” He pulled his hand away. “What are you going to name the little lass?”

He smiled and nodded toward the baby.

A name. She had been thinking about this ever since she learned she was pregnant. It had to be a strong name, she needed to be strong in a world like this one. Her name had to be a piece of her. It came to her without hesitation.

“Guinevere Rae Tanwen.” She smiled as she said the name in its entirety. “Middle name for her God Father.”

Fiona glanced up at him.

His eyes turned glassy.

“I’m honored Fi.” He smiled. “And Guinevere, for your mother?”

She nodded, her own eyes welling up with tears.

“I wish she was here.”

“She is.” As he spoke the candle next to them flickered and hissed as it neared the end of its wick, they only had but a few hours until morning.

“I feel her with me.” Fiona spoke quietly, a few tears slid down her cheek. “All the time.”

“She would be so proud of you Fi.”

“I hope so.”

They sat in silence, all simply enjoying each other’s company, soaking in the calm before the storm of the next few years of their lives. This night would not last forever. The candle would burn out, the darkness would fade, and the sun would rise like it always did. But everything was different now. In the morning they would need to face the reality of what they were doing. Concealing the heir of the almost Premier was an act that could ultimately cost them their lives. Fiona hoped she was making the right choice to stay. She hoped it would all be worth it. She prayed Guinevere would also watch the sun rise and set, and she hoped she would find joy and adventure in this magical place. She prayed with every ounce of faith she had left inside her.

But would her prayers be enough?