Green Forego

Deacon was just so lost. In an unforgiving and maddening blur of people rushing everywhere, always for someone else, for something else, for somewhere else. Everyone seemed to be in such agreement about reaching the societally defined milestones that mapped out a perfect future. Nobody ever seemed to wonder who had defined these rules in the first place, or why. Or if they even agreed with them personally at all. Of course, he knew his feelings of disappointment likely came from his own clear inadequacy and constant failure. He had never managed to reach any of the milestones you were supposed to reach. By the time he should have graduated from college and started a career like all of his friends he was just settling down from travelling and just starting to think about what the rest of his life might look like. He just could never decide what he wanted longer than one moment to the next. While it was fun to be carefree and spontaneous, half a bottle of vodka into his twenty-eighth birthday he was realizing that now it had just become exhausting. He wanted to know what everyone else seemed to know, to know for sure where he was going and have the security that came with following the road well traveled. As he slowly faded into sleep he was aware of two things: he was ready to focus and find out what he was really made of, and of a faint green light blinking in the distance of his peripheral vision on his right side.

Deacon woke the next morning with a surge of energy and intention he had never felt before. He knew whatever he set his mind to he could excel at, because he was smart, he knew how to work hard, and he definitely knew how to hustle. He had met a lot of people during his travels and he started thinking about which connection could give him a leg up into something, anything. He hopped in the shower and began to consider his next move. As he was letting the hot water drum into the back of his neck he noticed the green light in his periphery again - except this time it was solid, bright, and much closer. He couldn’t seem to look directly at it but it glowed there bright and sure even when he opened his eyes.

Time flew by in a blur. He had begun long ago to notice that the green light was always there - except when he was about to make a choice that wasn’t part of his “life plan”. Those kinds of choices where his head and his heart did not agree. He found that the green light was like a beacon and so long as it was clear and bright it steadied his life which would effortlessly go along exactly as planned. Sometimes, in the excitement of love or in the fire of inspiration he lost his focus and would run in the direction his heart was telling him to and forget all about his head and the green light for a while and it would fade away, or even disappear completely. He learned very quickly that was not the best course of action since he always ended up feeling hurt, lost, or confused in the end. Eventually he became more attached to the comfort and assurance of the green light than any person or new experience. It never lied, never steered him wrong, and always rewarded him for his commitment and attention. Once he realized this he was able to settle into a comfortable routine knowing that if the green light was near and bright he would have an amazing life ripe with professional and financial success, respect from his peers and community, and never know uncertainty or failure.

When Deacon was ready to retire early at age sixty he threw a huge party at his estate. All of his friends and colleagues were there and they ate and drank, laughed and danced into the late hours of the night. He had done everything right, he had reached every single milestone set before him and stayed the course with the green light as his ever faithful guide and only true companion. When the party died down, Deacon sat on his balcony looking up at the stars and dreaming about what the next phase of his life had in store for him. Now that he was free to follow his heart maybe he would sail around the world or explore South America. Maybe he would finally find someone to share all of his success with. Then he noticed that he was alone and the darkness of the night sky seemed enveloping and the green light had disappeared completely. He then heard a faint rhythmic beeping far off in the distance….beep, beep, beep, beep. As he realized that the beeps were coinciding with his own heartbeat he began to fall into darkness.

When he opened his eyes he was lying in a hospital bed feeling like his body weighed a thousand pounds. He ached all over and he could barely lift his head, the harsh overhead lights made him feel sick. A nurse came in through the door and gently took his hand, as she lifted it to check his ID bracelet he realized in horror that the hand she was holding looked sick and frail, and much older than his sixty years! “Whose hand is this?! What the hell is happening?! Where am I??”, he thought. He could not ask these questions as his voice had been lost to him and he struggled to breathe. He could still hear the beeping and as he became aware that it was slowing down, his heart began to ache. As the darkness spread and began to swallow him, he saw in his periphery the faithful green light and thought he was saved! Except this time, when he turned his head to look at it he was able to see it clearly for the first time. It was a green power light of the virtual reality headset lying on his bedside table.