Good In Goodbye

My dear Anastacia, I hope that you are a big-time Broadway singer like you always dreamed of being. I remember how you used to always sing your songs to me while you were growing up. You had something special in you that was different from anyone else.

You danced and sang so gracefully and beautifully. Whenever I got to watch and listen to you, it brought me such joy.

I remember the first time I listened to you sing. You were so majestic and sprightly. You always sang and danced with passion and fire, and I loved witnessing it burn within you. You would twirl around so quickly and effortlessly, and yet so gracefully. Your long dark hair in braids would spin with you.

You loved to spend hours singing to me as the years passed. Your daddy saw something in you as well. Although, instead of seeing a little girl that is so happy singing and dancing, he saw a potential opportunity for fame and fortune for the family. So, he started signing you up for every competition under the sun. You were doing constant work from there on out, and I didn't see you much after that. It was either school, singing or dancing lessons, or a competition.

Your daddy was constantly telling you to always shoot for the stars and that you don't want to settle for good, you want to be great. It was too much for your mama, and she decided to leave him, but she didn't take you with her. That was the first time in a long time you came to visit me. Unfortunately, it was not a happy visit. You were heartbroken and exhausted from everything that had happened. You just cried for the longest time against me.

I felt like I couldn't do anything for you. But then, you murmured that me providing you sanctuary and safe space was more than enough. I was smiling inside knowing that.

You started to speak...

"I feel like I am standing at the bottom of this huge, massive wall that I will never be able to climb. I am so afraid and feel like I am running out of time to save myself and my family. Everything just feels like it's falling apart. I know that if I could only be a better performer, then I would be able to make enough money for daddy, mama, and baby Henry. I feel like I let everyone down. I don't know what to do. Please tell me what to do."

At that moment, you started crying and shaking. I knew that you were more than enough for yourself and your family, that you were only a child and the only job you had was to learn, laugh, play, love, and grow, that both your parents loved you and were just scared at the time. After a few more minutes, you spoke again...

"Ya know what? I am strong, and I know I can do this. Mama always told me to never let a bad day go and talk you into giving up. Why am I sitting here, worried about the things I can't change? Time moves by so fast, and it is a gift we get in life. What we do with that time is our gift back to it."

You then wiped your tears, stood up, and walked away. From then on out, you started coming around more often. You said you took comfort in knowing I was here.

I got to watch you blossom into a beautiful teen. You were growing up, and so were your dreams. You started having strong feelings for your childhood friend, James. He was a constant with you and helped you through your parents' divorce. He also encouraged you through your competitions, cheered you on when you would win, and dried your tears when you lost.

I recall the first kiss you ever received. You and James pulled up in his old '89 pickup truck. You were standing in front of his truck, talking. Then, it started to rain, so you both came over to take shelter. After a couple minutes of you two trying to dry off and catch your breaths, James gently touched your face and said, "We need to keep you dry, someone as sweet as you doesn't stand a chance in rain." "Why is that?" you asked in response. "Because sugar melts in the rain." He then pulled you close and gave you the most majestic kiss I have ever witnessed. The air stood still, and for a moment the world revolved around you two.

***

The plane landed, and she took a deep breath and stood up. At this point, Anastacia had been traveling for over 10 hours, and she was exhausted and jet lagged. She started her way down the jet bridge, grabbed her luggage, and picked up her car rental.

After about an hour of highway driving, Anastacia pulled off onto a familiar exit. She pulled up to the first red light, rolled the windows down, took a deep breath, and looked at her old, familiar town. She had been in a big city for so long that she forgot how good her hometown made her feel.

She glanced into the rearview mirror to see that her little girl was fast asleep. Suddenly, her phone rang. She saw who it was, and answered.

"Hey James, I made it and I am almost there now. I will call you once I get to the hotel. Love you, bye."

****

I have not had anyone drive my way in years, and I had no idea what to expect when your unfamiliar car pulled up. At first, all I saw was a woman and a little girl getting out of the car, walking up slowly, but I got a familiar feeling as you approached. I can't believe how happy I am to finally see you again. You look so happy with that little girl up on your shoulders. I know where she got those long, dark-haired braids. Looks like time have been sweet to you.

***

"Mommy, why are we here? Where are we?" The little girl asked.

"This is a very special place. I spent a lot of time here growing up. It's the one place I was always able to come to. When I was lost out in the world, I came here to get found," Anastacia responded.

She walked up to the big, red barn that was on her family's old property and softly touched the doors before gently pulling them open. She was immediately greeted by the old, familiar, rustic smell. She closed her eyes and entered a deep, ponderous state.

"This place is really special. This is where mommy grew up with granny and papa. I used to dance and sing in this barn."

"Like you do on stage now?"

"That's right! This is also where mommy and daddy fell in love and had our first kiss."

As she walked through the old barn, she noticed how bad a shape it was in. It had been incredibly neglected, and most of the structure was non-repairable. She started to tear up.

***

Oh, my dear little Ana, please don't cry. It is so good to see you again. I know I am very dilapidated and old. I know I am beyond repair, and I am going to collapse soon. The fact that I provided you with so many good memories throughout the years is all I could ever ask for. I know you had to leave and pursue your dreams. I am glad you did. You would never be where you are now otherwise. I will always be with you, and now I know that sometimes there's good in goodbye.