Go kayaking they said. It'll be fun, they said.

Joe won the free trip to Hawaii for a week for two at one of the mainline Hawaiian resorts. So, he and his roommate Larry decided to take the trip together in hopes that during one of the Luaus they would each end up with a cute hula dancer that they could bring home as their own. The first three days were great, and Joe actually did end up with a cute bronze skinned dancer with large breasts and long jet-black hair named Loni. As for Larry, he too landed a Hula dancer; this one by the name of Don, and while Don did have breasts for a man, he didn’t find Don’s breasts as attractive as Loni’s, but the sex between Larry and Don was very loud and rambunctious.

By the end of day three, Joe and Larry found they were looking for stuff to do, even with them spending a lot of time with their hula lovers, there was a lot of free time for them.

“Why don’t you go kayaking,” Loni suggested, she motioned her hands suggestively towards the kayaks that were lined up along the next part of the beach, “it will be fun.”

“But I don’t know how to kayak,” Larry was the one who spoke, while Joe was willing to try anything.

“Oh,” Loni said, “it’s easy enough to learn, and the water is calm, and the girl there will give you the basics on what to do.”

“We’ll be fine,” Joe quickly agreed, “besides at least I’m a quick learner.”

“Then when you’re done and we have our luau,” Loni traced her fingers on Joe’s chest, “after that, I can show you how to do the hula in bed, if you know what I mean.”

“OK,” Joe said with a smile of anticipation.

Don looked Larry in the eyes, “we can hula too.”

“Not again!” Larry groaned; he wasn’t quite over the “hula dance” that Don did with him the night before.

Loni lovingly watched as Joe walked towards the kayaks, as there was a twinkle in her brown eyes, “I think I found the man I want to marry,”

“Same here,” Don said with a smile, then looked at Loni.

It took the instructor only a few minutes to instruct them on the proper way to maneuver the kayaks, the first time around they went parallel to the shoreline, that way if something bad were to happen, it would be in shallow water. In fact, the instructor showed them what to do if the kayak had happened to turn over, there was a certain roll that they could do to put themselves back upright, or if they did happen to end up out of the kayak, how to get back inside from the water with minimal effort.

Next up was a solo run, there was a small island around 4 miles out from where they were, so Joe and Larry took a bit of time getting there, then spent around an hour exploring the tiny island, which was only a mile across with just a handful of coconut trees. Joe had figured out how to climb one of the trees and break off one of the coconuts.

Back on the ground, with the coconut broken open, the two roommates shared the coconut and a little conversation.

“You know,” Larry said, “I think she likes you.”

“That’s because she’s getting paid to like me,” Joe said.

Larry shook his head. “Nope, I mean Loni really likes you.”

“So, she wants to do the hula in bed with me,” Joe said, “I think that once I’m gone, she’ll move on to the next guy or girl.”

“I don’t think so,” Larry said, “besides, I think she’s a keeper.”

“True,” Joe said wishfully, “I do think she would make a good wife, but that would mean that she and I would be together and… well.”

“There would be no room for me in your life.” Larry sighed.

“You could always get something going with Don, you know the big guy is in love with you.”

Larry sighed sadly, “I know, but I don’t feel the same way about him. Oh, the sex between us is great, but I just don’t see him in the same way that you obviously do with Loni.”

“Here’s the thing, I think when we get back to the resort, I’m going to talk marriage with Loni.”

“Which sort of leaves me in the lurch,” Larry said.

“Sorry buddy, you’ll find the right girl or guy, whichever tickles your fancy at the time.”

“You’re right,” Larry said, he looked westward out over the cool blue water, “I think we should start heading back.”

“You’re right.” Joe led the way back to where the kayaks were sitting on the beach, he was in the kayak and all set to go, as was Larry. “Wanna race back to the resort?”

“OK, but you know I’ll probably beat you,” Larry smiled a big toothy smile.

“Not on your life!”

Joe made sure the kayaks were even. “On the count of one.”

“Will it be three, two, one and go on one…or will it be three, two, one and then go?”

“Three, two, one and then go.” Joe gave a sinister smile, as he glanced over to Larry.

“Just so I know,”

“Three, two, one,” Joe began to paddle, just to get that one stroke ahead, “GO!”

“You mudder clucker!” Larry yelled out as he raced to catch up.

Joe looked back to look at Larry, “Just messing with you…” that’s when he saw it, the big old grey shark swimming around, looking for a meal. “Question. How fast do you have to be to outrace a shark?”

“What the hell kind of a question…” Larry felt the water moving underneath him, then it came up, the large tubular body with giant teeth. The shark was about 10 feet behind him. “HELL NO!”

Joe was torn between giving his buddy a hand, and using the chance to get a few strokes ahead, but the shark behind him made that decision for him. It only took a second for his giant teeth to come down on Larry’s torso, his legs were gone, and Larry was screaming like living hell.

Joe livened his pace and after a few strokes, Larry’s screaming had stopped, and he didn’t need to look back to see why. With the size of the shark behind him, he knew Larry was just the first course. As he paddled the kayak towards the beach area of the resort, he could feel the water moving, as the shark took after him.

Loni watched through the binoculars at the beach and was already looking for them to come back from the little island, which had become a popular spot for people to swim or row out to. She could see Joe making moves to come back, with the shark racing close behind. “SHARK!”

Every hula dancer and lifeguard on that part of the beach raced into action knowing what to do and when to do it. The lifeguards called the few swimmers out of the water, both getting the swimmers out of harm’s way and clearing an area for them to get to work.

Joe could see what was going on on the beach as he approached it, he aimed his kayak at the lifeguards and put every ounce of energy he had into making the last few strokes, he went between two lifeguards, who grabbed at the front end of the kayak and pulled it up onto the beach with him still inside.

The water was shallow enough for Joe to get out of the boat on his own, but one of the lifeguards didn’t give up until they were completely out of the water.

“Thank God you’re safe!” Loni cried out as she embraced Joe.

“Uh,” Don said with a slowness, “where’s Larry?”

“Well let’s just say I answered the question of how fast you need to be to outrace a shark,” Joe frowned.

“And the answer is just a little bit faster than the guy behind you.” Loni answered, it was obvious by the stream of blood and fresh meat…human meat in the shark’s mouth that was the answer.

“Cute,” Don said.

“I’m sorry about the loss of your friend,” Loni placed her hand on Joe’s shoulder, “what are you going to do now?”

“Um,” was now a good time to bring it up, the whole thing about wanting to marry her. “Well--.”

“I mean…I don’t want my whole life to be nothing but this hula dancer thing.”

“We have a few days to work things out, and yes I would want nothing better than for you to come back to the mainland with me,” Joe motioned towards the shark which had beached itself when it made its final leap out of the water towards Joe, which happened when he was being pulled out of the boat. “But right now, we have bigger fish to fry.”

“We might as well do something with the shark,” Don said, “and since we have a grill already fired up.”

Loni smiled. “Go get chef, not that Swedish guy, the other one.”

“OK,” Don said.

“Before we go carving jaws up for our luau,” Joe motioned to the police officer who was standing by to take his report, “maybe we should fill out a report with the local police.”

“It’s actually pretty self-explanatory what happened,” the officer said, and the head lifeguard already gave me the crux of the details, just need a few scraps of information.”

“Sure,” Joe said.

“Well,” Loni said a few hours later, the mess on the beach was cleaned up, what they could recover of Larry’s body was recovered, but it wasn’t even enough for the coroner to do anything with, and the shark was going to supply the resort with shark meat for the next week, they were now standing to the side, “have you decided what’s going to happen?”

“You can come back to the mainland with me, and we’ll see how things go from there.

“Are you even upset about losing Larry?” Loni was curious.

“I am,” Joe said, “but it’s not like he was anything special, just a guy who shared the apartment and paid half the rent. It’s not even like we were even best of friends, he was sort of just…there. But with you, it will be different, we’re already lovers, and the friends part will come with us being together. But what about work? There’s little call for hula dancers in Wisconsin.”

“I see,”

“But on the other hand, I really have nothing much back in Wisconsin,” Joe looked at the sunset, it was the most spectacular one he’s ever seen. “I’m kind of thinking of moving here to Hawaii.”

“We’ll work that part out,” Loni sighed, “just as long as you and I are together, that’s all that matters. Still not going to be a hula dancer forever though.”

“Not asking you to, but I was going to ask you this before all of this started, but maybe at some point we can talk about marriage.”

“Joe,” Loni smiled, “I would like nothing better.”