Ghost Train

I awoke to the whoosh chug sounds and vibrations filtering through the icy panel where my head leaned above my right shoulder. I felt groggy and off, like I was in two places at once. I rubbed my eyes.

What had happened to me, I didn’t remember falling asleep and I never slept this hard.

I reached my hand up to feel for any lumps on my head or face and found none. So I decided to look around and see if anything jogged my memory. It looked (and felt) like a train compartment, old timey but pretty standard, that you would see in any movie , Brown ceilings-walls-benches-luggage racks ….i noted that there was no luggage in the racks…brown curtains to my right.

I pulled aside the curtains where my head had been resting(thank goodness I hadn't drooled) and found a window. Wherever I was , it must be farther out in the country then I ever ventured as there were no lights of any kind. I did notice a mist, almost like when you shake up one of those glitter calming toys for kids- but the glitter was almost like snow. That was odd, but in light of my situation, everything was odd- Odd would be the new normal tonight or day?

I couldn't remember what time I had passed out, I tried to remember what I had been doing and drew a blank, I tried remembering what I'd had for breakfast and came up with nothing. I tried to remember all sorts of things;

Did I have a dog or a cat or even a goldfish?

Did I prefer coffee or tea?

Where did I live?

Was there anyone waiting & worrying back home for me?

Why did I get on this train and how?

What happened to me?

What is my name?

Nothing, not a single memory. I could remember what a train looked like, I could remember that I'd never been on one before, I could remember what cold felt like, so all of the necessary information must be in my mind- my brain was just unwilling to cooperate at the moment.

After a brief search of my person I found nothing to indicate my identity, no wallet- house or apartment keys-no photos of beloved people or pets- and what I assumed was my phone's call history was barren as well, 3 calls to Boss lady Sharon and 1 call to a Keith that looked older than the others.

My text history was the same way, my most recent texts were to this Boss lady Sharon.

I tried my emails next and found only junk and spam, not even a doctors or a dentist's appointment.

However, from the subscription emails I was able to figure out my name, Delia Graves. At least that is who they were all addressed to.

I used the phone's selfie camera to take a picture of myself so I could see what I looked like, because sadly the window wasn't of any help in the reflectivity capacity.

I looked to be either late 20’s or early 30’s, slender & pale, brunette (with an unflattering pageboy haircut, yuck..whose idea was that??), hazel eyes, no makeup which felt at odds with my bright red shirt and black & white diagonally striped over jacket with navy slacks and black pumps. Hmmm no jewelry either.

I looked at my hands and saw that I apparently had a nail biting habit.

Well, I suspected that my memory problem would need time to heal itself… but I needed to know where I was going, neither my phone nor the window held any hints.

And then I spotted a black and silver ticket with a purple dot at the top sitting at my feet. I poked at it with the tip of my shoe.

As I bent down to grab it ,The train compartment door opened and a slender older man smiled and asked to sit in my car

"trains are getting a bit crowded now and I rather fancy a peaceful cup of tea while I read my paper" he smiled and explained, he reminded me of someone-someone extremely familiar- although i couldn't put my finger on who ,so I smiled back and waved him in.

"Quite good of you miss, you have my Thanks for it." He sat on the bench opposite of me and pulled his newspaper from his suit jacket, spreading it wide and smiling contentedly.

I cleared my throat and spoke up, realizing it was the first time I had used my voice since I woke up made me a bit nervous, “I'm Delia Graves, And you are?” well I didn't think i sounded weird, so that was a plus, but i also had no idea how i sounded.

He pulled back a section of his paper and looked at me impassively. “ In the mood for a cup of strong tea, Morning thunder sounds good, what do you think?” As he spoke I could feel an intensity about him that I hadn't felt when he had stepped in- it almost crackled off of him.

And it was the oddest thing, it must have been a trick of the light because his suit- the brown old fashioned suit that he had worn into the compartment was now fading to a black and silver modern suit, complete with a lavender gray ascot.

I rubbed at my eyes again, which had gone as wide as saucers, and watched as he picked up a black and silver china teacup out of what was thin air seconds ago.

There had been no table in this compartment, but there was one now and an elegant silver tea service sat upon it.

Mr. newspaper (since he didn't give a name, I gave him one) wore a heavy looking ornate black & silver ring on his right ring finger which seemed at odds with the delicate looking cup in his hand.

I looked in his eyes and I saw the decades in them, this man was much older then he looked. Beneath his dark purple eyes were puffy sooty circles framed by his gaunt hollowed cheeks, lined brow and silvery white hair cropped close to his head suggestive of many hours of work, study and stress.

.

Mr. Newspaper now looked like a smartly dressed skeleton with some hair & skin for show.

This was getting very creepy.

And I realized that I hadn't heard anyone else on this train.

“Very good , you're coming to your senses quicker than I thought you would. I'm glad, it will make this easier.”

“And what would that be?”

He breathed in deeply through his nose as if to steel himself and the blew the breath out through his parted lips which he then twisted between his teeth while he looked out the window

“My name was Harlan, Harlan Graves..”

“ That was my great grandfathers name sir and I will thank you not to take this joke any farther” I could hear the steel coming out in my voice, I was not going to stand for someone impersonating my dead family members- I wanted to be happy about my memories returning but my temper refused to share the stage with anything else.

“Yes, and he was a black sheep of the family and a warlock, and YOU young lady need to get ahold of that temper. You have had it since you were a baby and it has done nothing good for you. Need I remind you of Carol Anne in 5th grade?” He arched a silvery eyebrow which coupled with the authority in his voice felt like a slap of cold water in my face.

“Sit down, and drink your pineapple juice.”

I simmered down abit and sat back down, I hadn't realized I had stood up. And when I looked at the table there was a tall glass of yellow opaque liquid on the table in front of me- upon tasting, I confirmed that it was indeed pineapple juice.

The train’s chugging and rattling were the only sounds to break the silence that stretched between us as I sipped my juice.

"I am not the first black sheep to take up the occult. Our family have all had an intricate and complicated history with the dead. We would be called necromancers, but that doesn't quite cover our legacy."

“That is completely ridiculous!” Wow, was this guy for real! He knew about the incident in 5th grade but so did a lot of people.

“I see that I will need to be more direct……. So Mittens was just a coincidence then?” He took a sip of tea and raised his eyebrows and my stomach turned over.

I had never told anyone that the family cat had been hit by a truck when I was 11 and that I had revived the poor squashed thing on the side of the road.

Nobody saw me and I never said a thing.

Uncle Dave just felt that Mittens must have good genes because 20 years later she is still in perfect condition and wandering around Mom’s house.

"What term would you use?" I asked, my eyes buried in my juice glass

"No term could encompass us, let's just say we walk with a foot in each world." Harlan eyed me

"Why now? Why contact me now….I'm 31, why not come to me sooner?"

"I had hoped that you would be spared all of this" he waved his hand to indicate the train

“But you are correct, it is past time for you to learn about this world. I thought that sparing you this knowledge would spare you suffering & pain, but I was wrong. Your heart has been in so much pain for so long that you finally had a heart attack while crossing…”

“While crossing the crosswalk! I was going in to work to check on something for Sharon! Ugh! Wow, of all the places to keel over…my life is pathetic!” Now I just felt depressed, it was almost better when I had no memories.

But they all returned like a rubber band snapping back that had been stretched too far. Joy! I had no boyfriend, didn't really talk to my parents or family, no real friends to speak of, no pets, no plants, no hobbies….good grief, I needed a life.

The irony was that my time had run out, my ticket had been punched- the black and silver ticket was my ticket to this ghost train, i knew it in my bones but that didn't make it sting any less.

As I sat brooding in my thorough self disgust, Harlan continued "The timing was fortunate.

By the way, You will find that nothing in life or death for that matter, happens without a reason. We may not know the reason until we pass on, but there is always a reason, sometimes many reasons." He took a sip of his tea and smiled

I was not happy, but I was curious “ what was so fortunate about my untimely death?

“I never said that you died, Dilly Dally. I said that you had a heart attack.”

“How did you know my nickname?” Nobody had called me that since my grandmother Luisa died, truth be told I was always her favorite.

“Who do you think gave it to you? It was an accident, I was hovering near Luisa when your mother was in labor. It just came out and Lula heard me. She had the family gifts, apparently she liked it and it stuck.” Harlan smiled at the memory of Lula-my grandmother's nickname from childhood- with a warmth that was bred from familiarity

“So I'm still alive?”

“Yes, and an ambulance should be along soon” He winked at me

"Do we know once we die? Do we know the truth once we are here?" I rolled the juice glass between my palms.

"Yes, our interconnectedness with the universe is unfettered by a mortal mind and linear thinking. It leads to truth, which can at times be quite unpleasant. Your genuine psychics and mediums and such have a fraction of that interconnectedness, and it makes their lives hell. A linear mind can only hold so much truth."

I must have looked as perplexed as I felt for him to pontificate further.

"Take this train, you perceive us as 2 solid beings on an out of control train, we -an older British gentleman and a young American woman- are having tea and juice and a quaint little chat about metaphysical notions and family lineage.

When only the very last part of that is true.

But your mind seeks to protect you from the frightening reality that you are currently no more substantial than a faint spring breeze. You can neither taste nor feel your pineapple juice- only the memory of how it tasted when you last had it, at that bar on 86th street while a jazz band was playing, and you have never been aboard a train in your life but had read somewhere that it made a whoosh chugg noise as it moved. `` he brought his eyes up to mine pointedly ,arched his left eyebrow and went to pour his teacup out- it had been full a moment ago- and nothing came out

I felt my jaw drop. I couldn't believe it. "Was I unable to remember who I am a part of?"

"I would imagine it was the shock. Crossing over is disorienting and if it is unexpected the side effects are worse. You recovered very quickly, I was surprised"

I nodded” So again, why now… you could have seen and spoken with me at any time- am i right?”

“Yes, and I waited too long. But time has run out, and you need to know about your family….because there is someone that will need you. And you cannot be there for that person if you lack the knowledge to do so.” he picked at his newspaper and stared out the train window.

“Who?” I was so confused.

"Our family's power will pass to you Delia and through you to your son Matthew, when the time comes…I will teach him all that I know and he will do great things with that knowledge. I will also teach you so that you can keep him safe"

"SON?!?!?! And when would that be??

I hate to disappoint you, great grandpa but I don't even have any prospects for procreation, let alone a man to stick around and help raise a child! I haven't even been able to get a guy to stick around longer than 6 months, I have terrible luck with men!" My incredulity was sticking out in lumps at this point.

“That's because you have a far more special mission, the mission of motherhood. Matthew will be with you for the rest of your life. Romance will come your way to be sure, but that hollow place in your heart that is hurting is right where Matthew belongs. He is hurting too.” Harlan looked so sad at that last statement, I wondered at the story behind this Matthew.

"Which reminds me, Matthew come in here please!" He called through the doors that he had come in.

They opened and a figure in ashy gray wrappings shambled in and stood in front of us

"Well sit down my boy, this is my great granddaughter Delia" he introduced me with so much pride…nobody had ever done so in a long time! I guess us black sheep's needed to stick together.

The figure nodded in my direction. It wore gray pants and a brown shirt. Both faded and worn. “Matthew's feet were bare and looked sooty, like he had climbed around in a chimney.

"Delia this is Matthew or rather the spirit that inhabits the infant growing inside you, get acquainted. It's not often that you get to meet your child before they are born" he waved his hands at us in the here you are gestures.

"Matthew" did not look like he wanted to be here any more than I did.

This was a lot to take in all at once "How could you know that I was pregnant, let alone that I had a son when I didn't know?"

"Interconnectedness. Being non linear means that I can sense and see you wherever you are whenever you are. Time and distance mean nothing here. It is an advantage , but it has its drawbacks." Harlan poured himself more tea, and gestured with the teacup towards “Matthew” as if to say start talking!

But I needed more answers. “You say I'm pregnant, the only possible father would be Keith- but Keith and I just hooked up last week. It's not a baby yet, it's just a clump of cells at best.”

If possible Matthew looked even more despondent, which made me feel like a heel. I was supposedly discussing him after all. uggh!

"Oh really, and how would you know this…are you intimately familiar after centuries of studying the mystical arts, with the workings of the realms beyond the mortal plane of existence, hmmmmm???" Harlan looked wide eyed at me.

Looks like I had touched a sore spot " Its common medical knowledge" I said in my best passive aggressive sarcastic tone

"Ahhhh so we will fall back on the sage wisdom of a group that up until 100 years ago thought that leeches were a cure all. Sounds very trustworthy!

What could modern medical doctors possibly know about the nature of life and death, the soul, they don't even recognize anything beyond the physical plane…how could they know. It's not like they have ever taken the time and conversed with a baby.."

"Nobody can converse with a baby, they are BABIES! They can't communicate!" Exasperation pouring out of me

"I can, so can all of the other spirits and denizens of the netherworlds, for better or worse. People , inherently lazy stock that they are,just haven't learned to speak baby, not the other way around." Harlan nodded to me and twisted his lips “But I digress, I need to get you filled in on some of the rules before you go back”

“Back, you mean to the crosswalk?”

“To your body.” Harlan looked very intent, although I could tell he wanted to roll his eyes.

Matthew turned towards me, I had almost forgotten he was there.

It was odd, a baby would complicate my life so much…but when I thought about it, I wanted to be a mother. I just had a lot of doubts about whether I could do the job.

“ I can't be a mother Harlan, I don't know how. I can't do this job!”

“It's not a job, it's a calling. And you will do just fine. What do you say Matthew? "Harlan smiled at Matthew.

Who in answer, reached over and took my hand and turned his gaze up from the floor at me. I thought I saw a shadow of a smile. Maybe I COULD do this.

As I was about to voice that to Harlan, His eyes turned a hazy purple and he got the look of someone who was miles from here, after a brief spell he shook himself and said "you have been taken to St. Anne's emergency room, it won't be long now so pay attention- this is important!"

And with that Matthew and I were pulled hand in hand while facing each other from the train in one great whoosh and everything was fading to black, save for Matthew's eyes which began to glow brighter and brighter until their warm light drowned out all of the darkness around me.

Matthew's light engulfed my vision completely ,and when I could focus my eyes again I was staring at a penlight being held by someone in a white coat in a very brightly lit white room.

"Ms. Graves are you awake?" a distant male voice said

“Unhhhh” I moaned, everything hurt

"Ms. Graves, you were found at the 79th street intersection, it appears that you had a heart attack. You are at St. Anne’s ER. Do you or your family have a history of heart problems?" cold and detached inquiry, i was in a hospital alright.

I groaned and pushed myself up to a sitting position "nahhh, no"

“You were very lucky that a passerby saw you before any heavy traffic.”

“Oh no, I need to call Sharon. She will be in at 7 , I need to tell her I'm not going to make it to work.”

The Doctor and nurse looked at each other” Ms. Graves you won't be making it to work for a while. Is there someone that we can call to come and stay with you?”

“Ahhhhh No, I will be fine though.” I saw their confusion. “What's wrong?”

“Then I'm guessing this will be a surprise. You are pregnant Ms. Graves, about a week or so along. Would you like us to contact the father?” Dr. Meyers (nametag) asked

“”Ha, No nope…no father.” well it wasn't a dream after all

“Your very lucky Ms. Graves, your body reacted instinctively to save the fetus or else your heart attack would have been fatal.” The Nurse smiled at me

“Is my baby alright?!” I felt my heart drop into my stomach, funny how I had already become so attached to the idea of being a mom.

“We will need to do more tests , but it looks as though you saved each other by reflex. Your child is very good for your heart, Iv never seen anything like it” The Doctor smiled at my stomach

I smiled and felt tears stinging my eyes “Yes, Yes he is.”

“He? Hoping for a boy?” The nurse gave another even happier smile

“I just have a feeling, and I even know his name, Its Matthew” I put my hand on my stomach and felt the tears run over my cheeks. I was gonna do this, we would be ok, and I was gonna do everything I could for my baby. I uttered a silent Thanks to Great Grandpa Harlan as the hospital staff ran more tests.

I couldn't shake the feeling that I was being watched…but I somehow didn't mind at all.

—-

"My Dilly-Dally, I wish only happiness for you…my dearest descendant.

I wish the best of the world for you and your little boy. I will protect you both from all those who would do you harm.

The power to protect you both almost makes up for being stuck on this damned train for eternity.

Bloom little wildflowers, bloom and be happy!"

Harlan Graves lifted his imaginary teacup , leaned his head against his remembered seat and rode the flow of the universe which to him would always look a lot like that steam train from 1827 that he had come home on.

Birth is the only Blind date that you will ever go on and are guaranteed to meet the love of your life he mused.